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Feel utterly sick....

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Just found about fifteen naked photos of my boyfriend's ex in a box in his room while I was looking for my camera charger. They were engaged about 6 years ago and broke up when she cheated on him after a year together.

We've been together for three and a half years, and when we recently moved into a new place he had a big clearout of all his old stuff and got rid of all the things he didn't want or use anymore.

Feel physically sick and can't stop shaking. Am I overreacting? What do I do?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Consider it a bit of porn, put it away. Wait until you have completely calmed down before you say anything to him.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We're going to my best friend's wedding tomorrow and I'm not going to see him between now and the ceremony (I'm going up this afternoon while he's still at work to be with her on her pre-wedding night). I'm worried that if I don't speak to him about it today I'll end up blurting something out at the wedding tomorrow; he always knows when something's not right with me....
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's totally understandable that you would feel sick and shaky - it's a shocking and upsetting thing to stumble across like that.

    But it doesn't necessarily signify anything at all, other than that he hasn't got round to throwing them out, or didn't want to do so for fear they would be found by someone else. So try to stay calm until you get the chance to ask him why he still has them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    id phone him up and ask him why the fuck he has still got them
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    jamelia wrote: »
    But it doesn't necessarily signify anything at all, other than that he hasn't got round to throwing them out, or didn't want to do so for fear they would be found by someone else. So try to stay calm until you get the chance to ask him why he still has them.

    I agree with this, you don't know his reasons for keeping them as yet, so at least give him the chance to explain, and try not to let your head run away with itself. He is with you, not with her. Even if he didn't have photos he'd still have a head full of memories. It's bound to have shocked you, but it really adds up to very little.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what possible innocent excuse would someone have for keeping porno pics of their ex, 3 years into their next relationship.

    Not good for the ex, not good for the current girlfriend.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Collateral.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My boyfriend has pics of other girls on his phone, I know it isn't the same because we are young and not too serious etc... but if I was you, I'd speak to him. You are in a serious, long term relationship, what would he do if he found pics of your ex on your phone?
    Xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what possible innocent excuse would someone have for keeping porno pics of their ex, 3 years into their next relationship.

    Not good for the ex, not good for the current girlfriend.

    I don't think this is that bad, I donno but, I just don't think I'd be that upset if he were using pics of his ex as wank fodder, or keeping them for the memories. I have a little box of ex mementos, none of which are nude pics but then I don't and didn't want nude pics so...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katralla wrote: »
    I don't think this is that bad, I donno but, I just don't think I'd be that upset if he were using pics of his ex as wank fodder, or keeping them for the memories. I have a little box of ex mementos, none of which are nude pics but then I don't and didn't want nude pics so...

    agree, i have some pics of exes floating around in my memory box and even on my laptop. i dont have any feelings for them but still some good memories from that relationship. i understand why it's particularly hurtful, because the ex is naked but i reckon it's more innocent than being wank fodder. either plain forgetfulness or just a memorable part of his life that holds no particular meaning other than a good/funny time. i hope you're okay butterflykisses, im sure your boyfriend will be embarassed that you found it but if things are okay between you guys and you've been together 3 years then i wouldnt suspect anything other than that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Agree, he probably isn't even using it as wank fodder, it's probably just some old memories stored in a box.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    id phone him up and ask him why the fuck he has still got them

    :yes: i'd be fumming. I'd be more mad that the fact that you've just moved house so he purposely hid them from you in the moving process so he could still keep them a secret. Fair enough if you found them in his old house, he could have easily have forgotten that they was there, but he came across them while moving, and still had no intention of throwing them away, i'd be so mad.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, I had a cup of tea and went for a drive to calm myself down a bit, and then I rang him.

    I kept it very calm and told him what I'd found. He immediately said he was sorry he'd left them somewhere I might come across them; apparently when they broke up he got rid of everything from her, emails, pictures, letters. When we moved out into our new place, he brought a big bag of photos with him, which he thought were entirely from his teenage years and from his friend's wedding. He was looking through them a couple of weeks ago and came across the ones of his ex; he had no idea he still had them. He put them down and was going through the rest of the photos to make sure he'd found all the ones of his ex to throw away, when I came up the stairs to his room (he's in the loft room) to ask him to help me fix the boiler and he quickly shoved them in the box to throw away later. He then forgot that they were there.

    I do believe him; he was really upset that I'd felt so hurt and (quite rightly) pointed out that he would never have directed me to that box for my camera charger if he knew they were in there.

    Thanks for your help though everyone, I so appreciate that I can turn to the boards when something like this happens.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd say chill out and talk to him about it once you have calmed down. Its only old pictures hes stored for the wank bank. :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im glad he put your mind at rest :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    glad it's worked out okay, he sounds like a good un :)
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