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The Bitter End

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Myself and my ex spoke on Friday afternoon where we closed out a protracted break-up with an exchange of nastiness and spite. I have to say that, for my part, there were two reasons for being drawn into this exchange. Firstly, she crossed a line by targeting a sensitive issue and in doing so made me extremely angry. Secondly, I almost wanted to make things terminal, because any chance of salvation would just keep redundant hope alive. So we both said some pretty cruel things and it's over now. Do I regret what I said? Not really, no. I feel she messed me around for the longest time. It was means to an end, and perhaps we can both move on now. I used to think that ending on good terms was the only way I could live with myself, but I feel acutely different at this moment. I feel better now than I did when I tried to end things on good terms. I feel like I've finally been true to my feelings instead of trying to make it easier for her to have torn me up.

I'm looking for any stories of others here, about break-ups that have ended in an explosion of resentment and/or nastiness? Any regrets? Or did you feel it was cathartic and helped you to let go? Any funny stories on this theme?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm an ignore them, get on with my life and forget they ever happened type person.

    What sort of things did you say to each other? You seem too nice on here to come out with acerbic vitriol but, I do believe you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The remark, hers, that set me off was targeted, and was, at the very least, highly arrogant. I avoided targeting her emotional sore spots, I was just spiteful in a generalised sense. I think that there are lines that you just don't cross no matter what happens in a relationship. Using someone's deepest issues against them is something pretty sinister and disgusting. She chose to go there.

    I did so much for that girl, and she repaid me with lies and more lies. I am usually nice, but as with most emotionally turbulent people I am capable of losing perspective if hurt enough. It's something I try to keep a handle on, as I respect myself much more for being a decent person and rising above. On this particular occasion, however, I feel it was needed. Something dramatic needed to happen to break the hold, and that has been achieved. I know that we can't repair what was said, and I need to know that to be able to let go and move on.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's proabbly a good thing - this way you'll never imagine yourself getting back together. You can always just think - fuck her, it's over. Onwards and upwards eh?

    x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katralla wrote: »
    I'm an ignore them, get on with my life and forget they ever happened type person.

    ditto, same goes for friends.

    if people treat you badly and often enough, that's all you really can do.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's never nice to have an argument, especially one as spiteful as that sounds like it was, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't happen. When I broke up with my ex, he told me that I was only doing it because I needed drama in my life and my mum wasn't so ill any more (she's undiagnosed but almost certainly bipolar and we had a very rocky relationship at one time; she would call me at 3 in the morning in hysterical tears because the curtains weren't hanging right), and that I would never find anyone else who would put up with me because I was such an emotional liability.

    Logically I knew that this was bull, but I was so shocked that he had said it that I just walked out of the house and never went back. I wish now that I had stood up for myself - it sounds like that's exactly you did, so if you don't regret it, move on and be proud that you were true to what you needed to do.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've had the same thing! one of my ex's said my self harm made him feel 'disgusted' and he 'couldn't deal' with my depression.

    Thank god he's gone.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    skakitty wrote: »
    I've had the same thing! one of my ex's said my self harm made him feel 'disgusted' and he 'couldn't deal' with my depression.

    Thank god he's gone.

    Ugh, that in itself is disgusting. That people can be so ignorant, it never ceases to amaze me. As I've said above, I've always believed that there are lines which you just do not cross when it comes to an argument, no matter how heated. Picking on deeply personal issues is something that is beyond vindictive, it's almost inhuman. At least I'm proud that I didn't go there, unfortunately my ex did.

    Thanks to everyone who has replied so far, it's all been very helpful in rationalising things. I can't express enough the value of forums like this one in simply making sense of things that we go through. Thanks all :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    skakitty wrote: »
    I've had the same thing! one of my ex's said my self harm made him feel 'disgusted' and he 'couldn't deal' with my depression.

    Thank god he's gone.

    I had the same thing! Plus choice phrases like 'you need to get over your dad's death' and 'You need to stand up for yourself' when I was being picked on by an old housemate. Ridiculous. If he had any backbone or indeed penis he would have told the male house mate to sod off himself!

    Grrrr.

    back to thread... i agree with butterflykisses, sometimes it does take something with shock value for you to realise what a douche they are and to walk away.
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