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Tension with a friend
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm not sure how to handle this, and I'm not sure yet if I'm looking for advice, or just to let it all out, but I guess that may become clear to me as I type on.
I have a close friend, who I would consider to be my closest friend, who is a member of the opposit sex. I know this arrangement is setting itself up for trouble.
I have had romantic thoughts about this person in the past, but brushed them aside, assuming that if I ever were to mention it, it would throw an undesirable tension into what is a really great relashionship, and figuring that there is no way this person would feel the same way.
Being good friends, as good friends do, we share everything from how our day went, to our dating escapades, to what ever else might be on our minds. This is where the trouble started...
The other day, out of the blue, my friend mentions that thay recently had a sex dream involving me, and hinted at the fact that there have been others in the past.
I'm usually pretty cool about sex, it's not like we haven't talked about it before, and I handled this situation similarly. I'm in no way offended, and understand that dreams dont always mirror our feelings in reality. At the time I chaled it up to the fact that we had spoken just before heading of to bed, and that I must simply have been a convienent figure for the mind to place in that situation.
I can't help but wonder tho, why this person told me. (I mean, I'll own up to having sex dreams with some people who in real life I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole) Were they hoping to break the ice a little further? I want to ask, I want to talk about any (if any) romantic feelings we may have for each other, but I am so unsure.
I really don't want to harm our friendship, and I really don't want to suffer the embarassment if I am way off base about this. I'm acting like a big whimpy chicken.
For now, I'm just repeating my list of reasons why we could never be together over and over in my head and hoping I can talk myself out of it.
I have a close friend, who I would consider to be my closest friend, who is a member of the opposit sex. I know this arrangement is setting itself up for trouble.
I have had romantic thoughts about this person in the past, but brushed them aside, assuming that if I ever were to mention it, it would throw an undesirable tension into what is a really great relashionship, and figuring that there is no way this person would feel the same way.
Being good friends, as good friends do, we share everything from how our day went, to our dating escapades, to what ever else might be on our minds. This is where the trouble started...
The other day, out of the blue, my friend mentions that thay recently had a sex dream involving me, and hinted at the fact that there have been others in the past.
I'm usually pretty cool about sex, it's not like we haven't talked about it before, and I handled this situation similarly. I'm in no way offended, and understand that dreams dont always mirror our feelings in reality. At the time I chaled it up to the fact that we had spoken just before heading of to bed, and that I must simply have been a convienent figure for the mind to place in that situation.
I can't help but wonder tho, why this person told me. (I mean, I'll own up to having sex dreams with some people who in real life I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole) Were they hoping to break the ice a little further? I want to ask, I want to talk about any (if any) romantic feelings we may have for each other, but I am so unsure.
I really don't want to harm our friendship, and I really don't want to suffer the embarassment if I am way off base about this. I'm acting like a big whimpy chicken.
For now, I'm just repeating my list of reasons why we could never be together over and over in my head and hoping I can talk myself out of it.
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Comments
I did it in the past and the friendship was fine.
But that's just me. I am not putting the friendship up for a wager, I try to "improve" it, with a relationship, if it doesn't work out, just let the grass grow over it and act like it did not happen.
It wouldn't be unheard of for us to talk about sex, but it is rather strange to talk about having sex WITH each other.
Possibly. But not certainly. You shouldn't let this decide if you actually try it on with this friend or not.
If it was just the one dream and he had laughed it off, I would tend to agree. But the fact that the OP says that he hinted that there had been other dreams does kind of suggest to me that he may have been trying to gauge her interest. I'd be inclined to respond with a light-hearted "so what about it then?" and see where it leads.
I had a relationship with a good friend once. It didn't last - precisely because we were better friends than lovers - but it didn't damage the friendship either.
I never told him, I still couldn't work up the nerve, but he did tell me!
He basicly put how he felt right out on the table and I am so relieved. I'm so glad we were able to have an open conversation with each other about how we feel. It's almost strange that we couldn't because we are so open with each other about everything else under the sun.
We're both feeling pretty love struck, and I feel like the world has been lifted off my shoulders after getting that off my chest, and I'm sure he does too.
We aren't an item tho, I still wouldn't call him my boyfriend. The great thing is that we don't feel like we have to put a lable on our relationship, and we are just going to go with the flow and enjoy whatever comes our way.
I understand that this doesn't matter to anyone else, but you know how it is... I had to share.