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Is age just a number?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi there,not too sure how to put this,so here goes... I'm a 16yr old girl,and for the last few months I've been secretly seeing my best friends older brother,who's 25.We started out as friends through his sister,and without going into detail we gradually became very close friends until we realised we were getting strong feelings for each other and we became an item.He's a really great lad and I've gradually fallen head over heels for him,he's kind,caring,considerate,treats me like a princess,is absolutely gorgeous,and I believe him when he says he's fallen for me too.We talk freely with each other about what we think and feel,which is how we realised our feelings for each other,and have a pretty solid base on which to maintain the long-term relationship we both want.I dated when I was going through school,but never felt anything remotely close to the feelings I have for him.Add to that the fact that the sex is absolutely mind-blowing,and I've pretty much got my perfect man,I genuinely believe I have met my match in life,and I class myself lucky to have met him so early on instead of having to spend years searching.However,despite all of this,we have both chose to keep our relationship secret,only me and him know about it,none of our friends or families suspect anything as we both act like just innocent friends in front of people,and are only open with our relationship in the privacy of his house or if we go somewhere out of town so no-one knows us.This is because we are both afraid that if we make our relationship public,our friends and families will join the general public in labelling him a pervert or a pedo,even though I'm 16 and it's entirely consentual so nothing illegal is going on.We want to move in together as boyfriend and girlfriend,as neither of us can stand being apart much longer,but we are worried about the trouble it will cause due to my age if people find out we are a couple.We are considering moving to another part of the country together so we can live openly as a couple (without revealing my real age to anyone) but telling our families we have gone to different places to avoid suspicion.The problem is we both have close-knit families who would be upset by our departure,but they would be fuming and most likely disown us if they knew we were together.We've both asked in jokey roundabout ways what they would think if we were to get together,and none of their responses were even slightly positive.Our other option is to carry on in secret here,so really whatever we do we will end up suffering.Any advice anyone?


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    As long as both parties are 16 or over, UK's legal age of consent, then yes, age is just a number.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Your style of writing seems mature enough to cope with a 'proper' relationship. What about coming out with your relationship and having a two year 'courting' period to prove that you're both responsible enough and right for each other and making plans to move in together when you are 18?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sounds fine to me!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Age gaps mean less as you get older. At 16 a nine year gap might seem huge but, when you get into your twenties, a relationship with a man in his thirties wouldn't seem odd. My hubby is 10 years older than me, but at our ages no one even notices.

    However, 16 does seem a little young to be moving in together. I can't think of a logical reason why that should be the case, but I think Katralla gives sensible advice. I wouldn't advocate moving in together for a couple of years yet. But being secretive is doing you no good at all. I think you need to come clean with your families. They may not be overly impressed at the moment, but if you act as mature as you write, there is every chance that they will become more accepting over time.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No, personally I don't think age is just a number. But on an individual basis, big gaps can definitely sometimes work. I have good friends with a 10 year age gap who are very happy together.

    As far as I see it, it's legal, so I don't think your relationship is anyone's business but yours. What you will find is that lots of people try to make it their business, which is a shame, especially when families get divided over it. You said you tried to raise it as an issue hypothetically and got a negative response, but you might find that when it comes down to the wire, when it's an actual choice between seeing you together or losing you, that a lot of your family might be more accepting than you think.
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