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stuck and need advise
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi folks,
I am a very shy guy who is embarrassed with his body and still a virgin at 29 years old. Laugh all you want trolls this stuff is not as easy for some people.
I have known this girl via the Internet for years and we since upto now, have had a great friendly family type relationship where we can talk laugh and say when we are sad and need cheering up.
I don't know how, but from a couple of very flirty comments it has developed into nightly chats with the exchange of pictures, video, phonecalls and now we are meeting up in a few weeks time at a motel. So what's the problem you are probably thinking? Well she's married and has a 9 month old boy. Now I really want to go and meet up with her, I think she is so hot and as she has already described what her kicks are, I'm so wanting to try some of the stuff out desperately as I doubt anyone else will want me too what she suggests to her in the near future
but on the otherhand I care for her and family (not love) and would not want to ruin her family.
We have already said that it's purely sex and no strings but I am finding myself thinking more and more of her randomly every day in a sexual way and have booked the train and hotel not thinking too far ahead. She loves her family but she doesn't get what she needs from her husbend.
Can it be because she has had a baby, and feels that he doesn't want her anymore? I don't know but I'm here asking for advice.
Thanks for reading,
Jeff
I am a very shy guy who is embarrassed with his body and still a virgin at 29 years old. Laugh all you want trolls this stuff is not as easy for some people.
I have known this girl via the Internet for years and we since upto now, have had a great friendly family type relationship where we can talk laugh and say when we are sad and need cheering up.
I don't know how, but from a couple of very flirty comments it has developed into nightly chats with the exchange of pictures, video, phonecalls and now we are meeting up in a few weeks time at a motel. So what's the problem you are probably thinking? Well she's married and has a 9 month old boy. Now I really want to go and meet up with her, I think she is so hot and as she has already described what her kicks are, I'm so wanting to try some of the stuff out desperately as I doubt anyone else will want me too what she suggests to her in the near future
but on the otherhand I care for her and family (not love) and would not want to ruin her family.We have already said that it's purely sex and no strings but I am finding myself thinking more and more of her randomly every day in a sexual way and have booked the train and hotel not thinking too far ahead. She loves her family but she doesn't get what she needs from her husbend.
Can it be because she has had a baby, and feels that he doesn't want her anymore? I don't know but I'm here asking for advice.
Thanks for reading,
Jeff
0
Comments
This is a very, very bad idea. Alarm bells ringing, spidey-sense tingling kind of bad idea.
Leaving aside for now the question of your moral duty not to fuck with the happiness and wellbeing of an entire family, because you came here for advice, not a sermon: this will end up with you getting you heart broken, for certain.
I understand completely why you are keen to do this. I don't judge or blame you in the slightest; you're tired of waiting, someone has come along, why not go for it and worry about the consequences later?
But the fact is, this won't just be a couple of months of no-strings sex and then going your separate ways. You, as someone less experienced and probably emotionally less mature or resilient, will get attached and fall in love. And I can pretty much guarantee right now that she won't leave her husband and destroy her family for you. It will end, and you'll be crushed.
I totally get that you're tired of waiting and you want to go for this. But it won't end happily, that is a certainty. You need to forget this woman and start looking for someone else. Have you tried internet dating; match.com, eharmony, all those type of places? You deserve someone who can give you all of herself, not just casually screw you behind her fella's back because she's bored and frustrated.
I know this woman will not leave her life and family for me and yes i am proberly in love
What this person said -> jamelia.
I did this a few years ago (he wasnt married but had a GF) and I had been in love or whatever before so I knew what I was getting into. I thought it would be OK. In the end I ended up being totally crushed and wished it had never happened. It left me feeling so worthless that I meant nothing but a fuck to him (even though I didnt care to begin with). And as you are already saying that maybe you are in love makes me think that seeing this girl is a terrible idea.
You dont deserve this and neither do her family. Find yourself some one better and forget about her. If possible cut contact and you will be better off in the long run I promise. You /will/ find someone as there are so many people out there. Not everyone is as judgemental as you think about virginity and you will find someone who wont judge you! It will be so much more fulfilling and worthwhile for your mental stability. If you put yourself into a position to be hurt like this (and you probably will) then the mental fuckup that will come with it will never be worth it.
Dont wait around for someone to contact you on these websites, swallow your nerves and talk to someone else first. You have nothing to lose if you are rejected and everything to gain if you stumble across someone. Try to go into it with the mindset that you really dont mind not finding someone, this will make you more attractive to someone. People like people who are self sufficiant and arent needy for a relationship. I hope you dont get hurt whatever your decision though.
Go and see a hooker. That 9-month-old doesn't deserve you playing risks with his family.
You talk of self-esteem - how are you going to feel if he finds his family life fucked up because you wanted to pop your cherry?
How can you two spend time together in a motel while her husband sits at home minding such a young baby.
I understand you are feeling frustrtaed but if you think this will make you feel better i think you are wrong.
You are a young man you need to get out and about and meet some friends thats the best way to find a partner or even just a one night stand.
You say have issues with your body well shagging this woman will not change that.
Maybe you should address those issues first, what exactly do yo feel is kncking your confidence.
that simple is it .......
I was in a bad car accident in my teens and basically lost the ability of my arm ever working correctly. I can be in pain some days and I don't think the hopeless dead arm bloke look is a turn on for anyone and doesn't help that I'm not exactly the best looker of the bunch. Hard to find anyone in this day and age who wants to get and know you when they see the person is not perfect from the word go. I just wish for the simple things sometimes like to be able to drive a car and not get the bus but I'm hopelessly failing at life, and this is a chance to at least have a night of fun right?
I hope no one I know will read this as my situation is unique and I dont think I would hear the last of it
Go get laid mate :thumb:
Ok i can see your point of view, and to be honest i bet lots of people would grab the chance on the spur of the moment, i think its because it is being planned that it grates a little.
At the end of the day you are using each other but if the shit hits the fan its her partner and son who will be the victims.
I still feel you need to find the courage to go out there and grab life by the balls.
I know its hard to meet people if your not that confident but try tagging along with work colleagues and friends who have the confidence to start the ball rolling.
And dont feel you are failing at life all you are doing is comparing your life to others you have no way of knowing how happy or sad they are.
As for this date, well its your life and your choice we have all done stupid things so who can judge you only you know if you can enjly it without to much guilt.
Are you sure its not just excitment at what she has suggested she wants you to do ( whatever that may be) clouding your judgement.
I understand why you might lack confidence because of your arm, but you might be surprised how many women (and men) quickly see beyond a disability where love is involved, though perhaps online dating isn't the best way for you to meet someone. In the meantime, if you are really hung up about being a virgin, do give some consideration to click-to-see-more's suggestion of a professional. May be it sounds a bit dodgy, but a sympathetic hooker could at least give you some no-risk sex instruction without being put on the spot by someone you want to impress.
Anyway, good luck, whatever you decide to do. :thumb: