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Dilemma

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
So last year, I had a fuck buddy, let's call him Bob (great in bed, otherwise a total dick). Bob and I stopped seeing each other because he wanted a gf, I didn't want to be his gf, so he went and found himself someone else with no hard feelings and that was that.

Bob has recently been texting me, asking me to meet up with him for some of the usual. I have a bf now so was inclined to say no, which didn't stop me getting a few more texts from him anyway.

None of this would be an issue, except he is still with the gf. Initially the texts were about he would be breaking up with her soon, but then moved onto 'I have some free time today...'. I have him on facebook and so could message the girlfriend, because if I were her I'd want to know what a tosser my bf was. But she doesn't know me from adam.

Do I keep my nose out or do I tell her what he's been up to?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hmmm toughie, I'd be incline to tell, and have done in the past! but yes I personally would.

    Does your current BF know? if he finds the text's you wouldn't want him over reacting, also set bob straight (which im sure you've done)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would advise staying out of it, even though your intentions are best. If he is like this then he will catch himself out sooner or later anyway. You have no idea how she would react and could just bring a lot of unnecessary hostility into your life, which as the previous poster said might also drag your boyfriend into it.

    Tell this guy that he's a majorly deluded dickhead by all means, but I wouldn't do any more than that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Stay out of it. Sounds like more trouble than its worth
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree with super147 - don't become your fuck buddy's conscience. I think it would be different if it were a friend, but it doesn't sound like you're much bothered about his well-being and you don't even know her. Have a very clear, blunt conversation with Bob and tell him that you are in a monogamous relationship and do not want to cheat on your boyfriend.

    I'd also be wary of jumping too quickly to conclusions about his relationship unless you definitely know the deal between them. Could they be in an open relationship or looking for a third person to join their sex life?

    The reason this springs to mind is because I'm interested in the way you phrased your refusal: "I have a boyfriend now so I'm INCLINED to say no". I might have totally the wrong end of the stick but this sounds like you might have entertained the thought for a bit?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The reason this springs to mind is because I'm interested in the way you phrased your refusal: "I have a boyfriend now so I'm INCLINED to say no". I might have totally the wrong end of the stick but this sounds like you might have entertained the thought for a bit?

    Not at all, kisses! It's just my weird turn of phrase, not that it wasnt flattering.

    It's a bit complicated Hellfire. These texts started before my bf and i became official(a week ago, though we've been seeing each other over a month), but even then I said no to Bob. I think Bob's texts didn't stop straight away because i didn't initially say 'no, i have a bf' (because i didn't), i just said 'no thanks'. They seem to have stopped since I said 'no, i have a bf'. But before we were official/exclusive/whatever, I did tell the bf about the texts, haven't mentioned them since.

    He has not mentioned his gf joining in at all, he's just bitched a bit about her. I dont think a threesome is what he is shooting for. I should have made this a poll shouldn't I? I don't know what to do.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Dont tell his girlfriend, thats lame. It highly likley you will end up with egg on your face (I'm sure you've had worse on it:D )

    If you arent interested in him, stop contacting him and leave him be.

    :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Calvin, I have never initiated these communications, but I think you might be right. I don't want to get in the middle of a fight that isn't mine, but if I were her I'd want to know. I think I might just chicken out.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hey. well, i guess posting on this matter is that you want someone who makes sense to tell you what to do.
    there are pros and cons to this situation.

    to tell, means you're helping someone out. But, you'll risk ruining your image because bob may or may not spread the word about you telling and diss you for being such a big mouth.

    to stay quiet, you're doing yourself a favour, but at the same time, you know you didnt help that girl.

    so it comes down to how u want to play your life out because you need to face the consequences of your actions. which ever you decide, you should not regret.

    my experience was that i butt in on other people's business twice. the first time i regretted scolding my friend's ex because he then spread the word among my friends and they thought badly of me, but then i realised, at least i made my friend smile.

    the second time, i do not regret for a single bit because i sticked up for my friend.

    so, it's your choice.

    hope that helped. =) hugs
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    luckychick wrote: »
    hey. well, i guess posting on this matter is that you want someone who makes sense to tell you what to do.
    there are pros and cons to this situation.

    to tell, means you're helping someone out. But, you'll risk ruining your image because bob may or may not spread the word about you telling and diss you for being such a big mouth.

    to stay quiet, you're doing yourself a favour, but at the same time, you know you didnt help that girl.

    so it comes down to how u want to play your life out because you need to face the consequences of your actions. which ever you decide, you should not regret.

    my experience was that i butt in on other people's business twice. the first time i regretted scolding my friend's ex because he then spread the word among my friends and they thought badly of me, but then i realised, at least i made my friend smile.

    the second time, i do not regret for a single bit because i sticked up for my friend.

    so, it's your choice.

    hope that helped. =) hugs

    I didn't need anyone to tell me what to do, I just wondered what other people would do, to help me decide. I have no mutual friends with this guy, so I don't really care what my image is among those people.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Then, good for you. Do what you have to do. Cant blame me for trying to give my point of view. =)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wouldn't say anything, but I would want to. Perhaps try telling bob that you don't want to receive any more come ones from him because you know he has a girlfriend and that puts you in a difficult position.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    luckychick wrote: »
    Then, good for you. Do what you have to do. Cant blame me for trying to give my point of view. =)

    no, I did appreciate your input, I was just clarifying myself.

    K- I haven't had anymore texts from him and I don't expect I will for a while. I did tell him he should break up with her because it is the kind thing to do if he isn't happy, but he hasn't.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't say anything. You don't know her at all, and getting into fights like these lets you look like the manipulative bitchhole every single time. Just make him very clear that he should stop texting you and there is now way for him to have sex with you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tell your current bf, incase random texts come through from this bloke and he wonders what the hell is going on. Obviously make clear from the start they are unsolicited messages.

    Then get your bf to tell the lass in question :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MrG wrote: »
    Tell your current bf, incase random texts come through from this bloke and he wonders what the hell is going on. Obviously make clear from the start they are unsolicited messages.

    Then get your bf to tell the lass in question :)

    Not my bf anymore the spy has been decommissioned.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Evenstar wrote: »
    Not my bf anymore the spy has been decommissioned.

    *applies mouthspray* Oh hello thar :naughty:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    *applies mouthspray* Oh hello thar :naughty:

    and again... 'youuuu slaaaagg' :p j/ks:love:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    skakitty wrote: »
    and again... 'youuuu slaaaagg' :p j/ks:love:

    gasp! you mean I'm not the only one?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Evenstar wrote: »
    gasp! you mean I'm not the only one?

    :crying: sorry!:crying:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    skakitty wrote: »
    :crying: sorry!:crying:

    It's OK... I'll learn to love again... one day...
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