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This is my story.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I recently just joined, but i dint bother the introduce yourself page.

There is a reason why my username is 'luckychick'
I would use bitch, but i dint want to be too vulgar.
I googled 'i need help' and this is where i ended up. So, I hope some of you will spend a little time peeking into my love life, and hopefully, i can get some real opinions and advises from you all. =)

My love life is so complicated, you wont even believe what i say if i told you. But, that's another story. I just want to know how to sort my relationship with my current boyfriend.

I love, tom. I do. He's everything and so much more. But, i am falling out of love for him. and i dont know if it's just me or this is just a phrase every long distance couple go through.

This is how it went down,

I recently dumped Sam, because i could not stand the arguments we always have had. Besides the fact that i realised i am still in love with my ex, Doug.
So, after Sam, I spent alot of time with Doug. and i knew, he was falling for me. Even though he had a girlfriend.

But, at the same period of time, i met Tom. And, also had spent a fair amount of time with him and thought he was a great guy. well, he is.

as you know, i chose Tom instead of Doug. and i dint know the moment i said yes to being Tom's girlfriend, it was the most critical part of my entire life. Am not being dramatic. Because after i had said yes to Tom, Doug declared his love for me and said he wants to dump his girlfriend for me.

But it was too late. i was in the honeymood stage for Tom. Why? i figured that maybe it's time to move forward instead of looking at the past. And, Doug vowed to wait for me. He did before, but that's another story. This time, he wants to wait for like, forever. he literally meant what he said on the spot. he was full with determination. and i just let him be.

So, i was happy with Tom. I dint regret. But, there is a twist. Doug had decided to go to the same university as me. (I am in my first year) So, i did mention that Tom and i are in long distance relationship yes? I see DOug almost all the time in uni, and Tom is so far away. My mom tells me that 'our of sight, out of mind'. i dint believe her. but now, maybe she is right. but i cant be too sure. is it the distance? or is it my heart alone.

because here's the kicker, i think i love Doug. I mean who would wait for a girl right? even when i got with other boys. in the end he still tells me he loves me. he comes so close as being THE ONE. i dont know if you would agree with me, but he proved to me it's true love. At this point, am losing my love for tom.

Remember how i said my love life is complicated? This is why.

me : hey. how're you?
Doug: Am good. How's you and Tom?
me: um, he loves me.
Doug : good. i hope things will go well for the both of you because frankly, i've stopped waiting for you.
me: you dont want to love me anymore?
Doug: You had a choice. and u made it. i had a choice and i made it. we both really have serious bad timing but u made a decision, it's time to live with it.

well, there were more conversations in between but that is basically it. he broke my heart. and at the same time, i am breaking Tom's in silence.
Tom feels it. He knows something is wrong. Because we have been in disagreements for some time.

Now, putting my love or false pretence, whatever with Doug aside, it's either i grow old with tom or i call it quits and have nobody.

Tom sees me as someone he can marry. He is a total sweetheart. he is being the best boyfriend anyone wants to have. a hopeless romantic.

But my heart is leaving him. I really want to work things out with him because i cant bare to hurt him. But i dont know how to work it out with him if i still think about Doug every now and then. he has no clue abt Doug.

I want a break to clear my head. But he thinks it means our relationship is doomed.

any advise? please? anyone? am sorry this is long, but i need help. desperately. =(

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think maybe its just a case of wanting what you cant have, as soon as he didn't want you anymore, you became seriously conflicted. Maybe taking some time away from Tom until you know what you want, not necessarily break up, but maybe a bit of time without contact? Let you work out how you feel before you make any hasty decisions. Not to mention being alone isn't so bad, plenty more fish in the sea, more chance to meet different people and discover who you are outside of your relationships

    Hope i've helped
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think it's understandable to want a break from your relationship during your first year of uni. It sounds like you should be single for a while to work out what you really want. Maybe you could tell Tom that you need to focus on your degree and just being independent for now?
    I might have misinterpreted what you've said, but it sounds like who you love most depends on how much you think they love you. I don't think you would "have nobody" if you ended the relationship with Tom without starting a relationship with Doug. It's ok to be single, especially while you're at uni, when you're supposed to be experiencing different things.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds a bit like a reboundathon could be going on here, no disrespect towards tom meant though.

    As has been mentioned, might be best to be single for a bit to get your head clear. The way doug has been, I think perhaps a little out of order, it rings true that if you ever love someone you want the best for them no matter how much it hurts you (even though that gets abused by so many people as an easy way out).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks guys, you all really shed some light on me.

    To, AThiefAWhoreAndALiar.

    well, i did occur to me that 'wanting what i cant have'may be possible, but i realised i still love Doug before he said he has stopped waiting for me. And yeah, plenty of fish in the sea. But, it's the regret of putting the fish back into the sea cause they hardly ever come back again. It's the what if i cant find any larger fish kind of feeling you know? But thanks. =)

    to naturegoddess,

    "I might have misinterpreted what you've said, but it sounds like who you love most depends on how much you think they love you."

    I've never actually realise but come to think of it, thats quite true. But it's more like depends on how much i think their love is closest to true love. This confuses me even more now cause what if i get the whole concept of true love, wrong? Sounds like a sick twist of fate. But you are right. So, Thanks much love.

    To MrG,
    Rebound, maybe. But, he is a great rebound. which makes things a whole lot worse. i never believed the saying, if you love someone, you have to let them go. I believe the opposite, If you love someone, you'll do whatever it takes to keep them around. =)

    Thanks everyone. I thought no one would reply to my annoyingly long story. I really appreciate all your replies. =)

    Thanks again.
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