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Uni - stay, move or drop out completely?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
In November, I made the decision that I was going to change course next year. I am not getting on with my current course at all and two of the modules I'm struggling with (databases & programming) I would have to do in my second year.

My head of programme is aware of this. He spoke to me and asked me what I was going to do instead and put me in touch with the appropriate person, who spoke to me and said I need to come back in September and then she'll decide whether I redo the first year of my current course (I point blank refuse to) or change course.

Over the last few months, my depression has come back - this has been noticed by a few lecturers because of how much work I'm doing. I was called in to see the attednace officer who has basically had a go at me. (she had a go at me before Christmas for missing a lot of my 5.30pm Monday evening seminar - I've missed that twice:rolleyes: and both times were due to illness)

After a few incidents yesterday and last week (me threatening suicide and running away twice) I got urged by my friend to speak to my parents. He also said that he wants to talk to them too. (he did contact dad via Facebook; but dad hadn't replied) I have informed them of this and they told me I can give him the home number and he can talk to them.

In the email I sent them, I said that I am seriously considering dropping out of uni because I basically can't cope with uni and my depression. (this is nothing to do with my hallmates - we've made up now) My dad said that instead of droping out, I could just move back to Plymouth and do my degree there.

I really have no idea where I go from here - I can't cope right now and need a break; but do also need something to do. Taking a break from education 2 years ago did help; but it took ages to get back into the routine of getting up early, going to college and doing some work whilst there and at home.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Melian, I feel really bad for you. It does sound like a difficult situation.

    Firstly, through your university, there should be some services available to help you deal with your depression as your health is the number one priority. Whether that is a doctor who can help you or a counsellor or whatever.

    Secondly, I would think about how you feel about doing another year at University. What is it this year with this course that has caused it to be difficult? Can these issues be changed for next year?

    Thirdly, think of all the options you could put on the table. You could re do this course next year, you could change to another course, you could change to another Uni, you could go on an apprenticeship, you could get a job, you could go to the Open University, you could go travelling! All sorts of options are available to you so don't panic just yet :-)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ShyBoy wrote: »
    Firstly, through your university, there should be some services available to help you deal with your depression as your health is the number one priority. Whether that is a doctor who can help you or a counsellor or whatever.

    Not tried this yet. My friend has told me we need to decide where to go from here. When we spoke on Monday (after I'd run away) he explained that he meant my parents too and said it's not what I want anymore - it's "need". I think he's planning on phoning them this weekend (I have requested that I'm there when he does phone them - I need to know what's being decided) and we'll decide where we go from here.
    Secondly, I would think about how you feel about doing another year at University. What is it this year with this course that has caused it to be difficult? Can these issues be changed for next year?

    There are two modules that I'm struggling with - programming and databases. (being made to do something and not being taught it hasn't helped:rolleyes: ) There really is nothing that I can think of that can be changed for next year.
    Thirdly, think of all the options you could put on the table. You could re do this course next year, you could change to another course, you could change to another Uni, you could go on an apprenticeship, you could get a job, you could go to the Open University, you could go travelling! All sorts of options are available to you so don't panic just yet :-)

    Thank you.:) My dad has suggested that I move back home and do a course there - I am seriously considering this; but it does depend on how I go for the next few months I guess.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Finally made a decision - I'm doing an OU course. I've been told that isn't a good idea "because it'll make me lazy".:confused:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    Finally made a decision - I'm doing an OU course. I've been told that isn't a good idea "because it'll make me lazy".:confused:

    Hmmm, I would disregard the advice that it would 'make you lazy' but I do think it's something that you need to be proactive about. But then again, most unis these days dont really chase you up anyway, and the OU afaik give you a whole terms worth of work in a neat package with any additional stuff you should be doing, because they cant get away with cobbled together lectures given by people who struggle with english / their own train of thought at time - simply because there are a hell of a lot more students in the OU.

    It's not an easy way out, but I'm sure you knew that anyway! I think it's bollocks to say it will make you lazy. If anything, if you apply yourself properly, it will make you incredibly self driven and determined.

    The big thing is the if. But have faith :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think it will make you less lazy (not meaning to imply that you are :D) because the type of self-study you'll need to do requires a high level of self discipline. So ignore those opinions :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ShyBoy wrote: »
    I think it's bollocks to say it will make you lazy. If anything, if you apply yourself properly, it will make you incredibly self driven and determined.

    The big thing is the if. But have faith :)

    I agree. It would be so much easier for me too - at least it'll mean not having to drag myself to lectures when not fully awake.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    I agree. It would be so much easier for me too - at least it'll mean not having to drag myself to lectures when not fully awake.

    I think it will be a case though where you'll have to get up and get motivated; it's 16 hours per week they reckon to complete in 6 years.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Argh:

    I have decided that I'm going to study with OU. My parents are pretty much talking me into staying with my grandfather and his family (who I have never met) in Kent and commute to Middlesex (where I am now) and study there.

    They will not take no for an answer and can't seem to understand that:
    - This is going to be expensive (I have a railcard - but it'll still cost me a lot of money)
    - It's going to take 2 hours to get there and 2 hours to get back
    - I don not have the energy to study full-time. Doing so left me shattered and meant I wanted to sleep all the time - this totally messed up my studies

    :banghead:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Point out these issues to them and just ask why they are wanting to make things even more difficult for you then they are now.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MrG wrote: »
    Point out these issues to them and just ask why they are wanting to make things even more difficult for you then they are now.

    I have done and I've been told to stop looking at the negatives. What positives there are, I don't know.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    are both of your parents as stubborn as eachother? this sounds quite manipulative but it might make things more amicable and easier for you. if you think one of them might be more willing to listen then take one of them to one side and explain your situation. do you have any leaflets from the ou? it might help going through it with them. be firm and hold your own. this is your choice.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's both of them saying it. What they're forgetting, is that it's going to cost me at least £126 a week to travel to & from Kent. (and that's with a railcard)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well tell them that, and get them to point out the positives of why you should make the move.

    You need to really start standing up for yourself, I know its hard to do, but from the posts of yours I have seen in the past, you give the impression of giving up too easily.

    Im aware there are health problems to consider here, but if you dont make it clear to your parents, and I mean painfully clear, then maybe they dont realise quite how worse this situation could make you, if your parents get their way.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MrG wrote: »
    Well tell them that, and get them to point out the positives of why you should make the move.

    Because I'll be living with family - who I have never met. (and have only spoke to one of them a few times on the phone)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    They'd want you to commute that far?!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kat_B wrote: »
    They'd want you to commute that far?!!

    This is part of my argument - they won't take no as an answer. They said "well, it'll only take 45 minutes" - yeah, to get to Kings Cross, plus another 20-30 minutes to get to uni in the rush hour.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    This is part of my argument - they won't take no as an answer. They said "well, it'll only take 45 minutes" - yeah, to get to Kings Cross, plus another 20-30 minutes to get to uni in the rush hour.

    Put up a reasoned argument, detail it, try and get them to shoot it down, but here is the clever part, usually people who havnt thought an argument through, will come up with the same points again and again, here is where you can allready have thought about counter points, to counter act their rebuttals towards your case.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hurrah! My dad (haven't spoke to mum yet) has fianlly agreed with me - after I explained that it would take too long to get there and back.

    When I said this before, I did get told that my grandfather would take me to & from the station.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You need to make them aware what could happen if grandad couldnt make it one day?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    Hurrah! My dad (haven't spoke to mum yet) has fianlly agreed with me - after I explained that it would take too long to get there and back.

    When I said this before, I did get told that my grandfather would take me to & from the station.

    whoop! :) good luck melian
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