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learned my lesson from stealing but...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I did a really bad thing recently. I stole £35 from my friend and he caught me. I admitted it to him and gave him all the money back but now he has called the police and are waiting for the police to contact him so they can come and arrest me. What will happen to me? I've already admitted the crime and paid him back, will I be arrested and get a criminal record? I know I did a really bad thing but I've been to see a counsellor and the reason I stole was because my housemates were bullying me and I wanted to retaliate and I did that by doing the worse thing possible.
I know I don't deserve any help but I'm really scared because I've never done anything like this before and I have paid the money back and am seeing someone about why I did this.
Please could someone advise me about the police. :crying:

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Are you sure the police are coming?

    I don't think you should worry about it too much as theft is defined by intent to permenantly withold something from someone, which seeing as you've already giving it back doesn't actually fit. (although, I'm not a lawyer so, don't take my word for it). If the popo come, even if you told them the truth you wouldn't get in much trouble. I'd guess at a caution.

    Don't worry about it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well the thing is I realised it got more and more complicated. It turns out some girl in our house has had our clothes stolen and they all think I did it. I didn't do it and I know it may seem like I did as I did steal money but he says he wants to get the police in to get justice for her clothes being stolen. At first they told me that if I paid the girl £80 they wouldn't go to the police but now they haven't decided whether to speak to the police or not.
    I'm just really scared because if I have a criminal record, even a caution, then doesn't it mess up your entire career? I know I shouldn't've done it but I just can't move on because I don't know what's going to happen.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds like a load of bllx. Nice friends you have! Sounds as if they are trying to blackmail you. Don't worry about the police, they have better things to do. I should try and find somewhere else to live.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There is no evidence you took the clothes, and you 'borrowing' money isn't going to make a case. The missing clothes would have to be proven to have existed in the first place, by receipts or whatever, which... only anal people keep. I would think that the police won't bother coming, even if they do report it. If I were you, I would move, and deal with the police if it comes to that but, I don't think it will. If you get arrested, get legal advise BEFORE you say ANYTHING, apart from the stuff you have to tell them like your name and address and shit.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Your so-called friends are asshats, trying to blackmail you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    1
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, you shouldn't have 'borrowed' the money but no one needs arse wipe fuck face popo callers for friends either. Get out, and then ignore them for the rest of your life.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't want to be brutal, but it's not borrowing its theft from a friend (even worse than theft from a stranger) and the money was only returned when caught. I can see why her friends suspect her and I'm not sure it's blackmail, as frankly if someone nicked £35 from you and another housemate had clothes stolen I'd be suspecting them as well.

    Best thing to do is give your notice and leave to start again. Sorry, but if you were my 'friend' I'd no longer trust you and to be honest I'm surprised that they haven't already told you to go. On the theft of clothes, there's not much the police can do as its your word against thm and they only suspect you stole and can't prove it. Also with the £35 I doubt the police would do anything as you've now handed the money back and it would be difficult to prove that you meant to permanently deprive.

    I think you're right and you do need to seek help. Without knowing the full background it comes across as you didn't need the money, but were under some sort of compulsion. Unfortunately trying to sell a friend you've just robbed you were under pyschological pressure is unlikely to cut it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't get me wrong, I regret every single day doing what I did and from my counselling sessions I've learned that I did it because of various reasons as a result of living in the house I'm living in. My counsellor told me that I was lashing out to hurt someone because I was ostracised in my house and I wanted a reason for why these people were against me and as a result I stole from one of them just to give them a reason to hate my in my own head. I know it's wrong and I messed up big time and I just wanted to know what would happen if I was reported to the police because I just want to start again and put this behind me. I've never stolen before and I never will, I have well and truly learned my lesson because I managed to lose the only friend I had in my messed up house, by taking from them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My feeling is that a real "friend" would not threaten you by pretending to have called the police and saying that they were waiting for them to make contact to have you arrested. Sorry, but this just isn't the way the police operate.

    Yes, what you did was wrong, but this reaction is spiteful and childish. For that reason, I am suspicious about the story about the "stolen" clothes. How come there was no mention of clothes being stolen before your theft of £35 came to light? In my experience, people who suspect that things have been stolen by their housemates would usually make a big song and dance the moment they noticed them missing!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My feeling is that a real "friend" would not threaten you by pretending to have called the police

    Would someone still be a friend if they have had £35 stolen from them by a housemate?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MrG wrote: »
    Would someone still be a friend if they have had £35 stolen from them by a housemate?

    Agreed, I know the OP regrets what she did, but too many are portraying her as some kind of victim.
    You reap what you sow people.

    To the OP and others, giving money back once you've been caught doesn't change it from theft too borrowing, to borrow something you've generally got to ask someone first.....

    What happens will be up to you. If you get arrested it's up to you what you say to them. If you deny theft you'll end up in court. If you admit to it you'll most likely get a caution. In either case you'd get a record, but it would go after 5 years.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Whowhere wrote: »
    To the OP and others, giving money back once you've been caught doesn't change it from theft too borrowing, to borrow something you've generally got to ask someone first.....

    That's not how the law on theft works as I understand it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katralla wrote: »
    That's not how the law on theft works as I understand it.

    afaik it depends on your intent when you take it. if you give it back after mistakenly taking it its different, but if you intended to steal which the OP admits to, even if you give it back, the intent was to steal.

    ofc the judge would take into account the fact you'd given it back when sentencing, but a crime has still occured.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You wouldn't SAY that to the popo though would you.

    The other thing I think he's wrong about is having to ask to borrow things, you can just assume you can borrow things that it would be reasonable to assume you can borrow.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ShyBoy wrote: »
    afaik it depends on your intent when you take it. if you give it back after mistakenly taking it its different, but if you intended to steal which the OP admits to, even if you give it back, the intent was to steal.

    ofc the judge would take into account the fact you'd given it back when sentencing, but a crime has still occured.

    On the internet it says that this was abolished and a grand term of theft replaced it.

    I know I took the money and it's the worse thing I've ever done and I am not looking for sympathy, I am just looking at ways I can rebuild my life and put this behind me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sillee wrote: »
    On the internet it says that this was abolished and a grand term of theft replaced it.

    I know I took the money and it's the worse thing I've ever done and I am not looking for sympathy, I am just looking at ways I can rebuild my life and put this behind me.

    I was just trying to help clarify, I'm not a lawyer either, though have studied a teensy bit of related law at uni (actus reus, mens rea, fraud act 2006) and if you can put a tick by the actus reus and mens rea parts, then a crime has been committed. The actus reus would be - did you take something? The mens rea would be - did you intend to deprive the owner of it?

    That's all academic though, and kat is probably right that the police would have to be in a mood to push it through.

    As for your life going straight again, I would say try and move out at the earliest opportunity and cut contact with these friends, make some new ones. You've probably done too much damage to repair it - but who knows.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I am assuming that you have heard no word from the police yet? You wont. You took £35 and have been accused of taking some clothes that no one can prove ever existed. Theft of the money was wrong and you will probably be tied up with guilt for a long time. But you gave it back, and the police have better things to do than intercede in petty squabbles between housemates. No one is going to take you to court. Your housemates are just trying to frighten you and, by all accounts, they have succeeded. Move out.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No, nothing from the police. He says that if I don't pay £80 then he'll go to the police? Except he's apparently already gone? I don't know, I considered paying the £80 but then he's just going to continue taking my money so maybe if the police did get involved then it would be better?
    I got some advice from a friend who said the police probably wouldn't bother because there's no evidence and now he's blackmailing me? I am moving out.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't pay the £80. It'll be seen as an admission of guilt.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    agree
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He wont go to the police. He can't. He can accuse you of stealing (and then giving back) £35. But the police wouldn't even waste the manpower on a visit. Your housemates cannot bring a case against you for stealing clothes unless they can prove what has been stolen. Threatening to call the police unless you pay them money is called blackmail ... a much more serious crime. You could actually call his bluff and call the police yourself!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    But the police wouldn't even waste the manpower on a visit.

    Actually they would. If you report a crime where the is a chance of an arrest, the police will come, regardless of how shit the job is. You might get a cop turn up with a bit of sense who will just tell everyone how fucking childish they are and to grow up, you're more likely to get a by-the-numbers cop who for an easy quiet life will take a statement and arrest the OP.


    actually call his bluff and call the police yourself!

    :eek2:

    Er, no, don't. All that will happen is 2 people get arrested.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Whowhere wrote: »
    Actually they would. If you report a crime where the is a chance of an arrest, the police will come, regardless of how shit the job is.

    May depend on where you are in the country. My OH is retired Old Bill. They might, conceivably, pay you a visit, but since there is little chance of a prosecution, they are unlikely to do more than give you a verbal caution.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Apparently he's got videos of me going into his room. Before this happened I was always in his room when I was his friend. To be honest I only said I did it (as in stole the money) because he had these webcam videos of me going into his room. He won't show me these videos but apparently in one there is some noise of coins rattling. I gave him the money because he said he was going to the police. And now he wants £80 more.

    I don't know whether it's right but I'm not going to pay him any more money and if the police come they will have to prove I did take his money and these webcam videos are probably of me just walking into his room, walking around, then walking out again.

    I just hope the police see what this really is, immature game playing. He's already got £35 off me and to do that he just said he's got videos of me going into his room. Surely him asking for £80 makes it worse for him because he's already got £35 and there's no proof that £35 was even taken in the first place?!

    ARGH this is such a mess! I am moving out soon though!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sillee wrote: »
    Apparently he's got videos of me going into his room. Before this happened I was always in his room when I was his friend. To be honest I only said I did it (as in stole the money) because he had these webcam videos of me going into his room. He won't show me these videos but apparently in one there is some noise of coins rattling. I gave him the money because he said he was going to the police. And now he wants £80 more.

    I don't know whether it's right but I'm not going to pay him any more money and if the police come they will have to prove I did take his money and these webcam videos are probably of me just walking into his room, walking around, then walking out again.

    I just hope the police see what this really is, immature game playing. He's already got £35 off me and to do that he just said he's got videos of me going into his room. Surely him asking for £80 makes it worse for him because he's already got £35 and there's no proof that £35 was even taken in the first place?!

    ARGH this is such a mess! I am moving out soon though!



    Don't pay any extra money, you repaid what you took and that is enough. If he wants to call the police let him, Overthehill, you're right and wrong. If you're OH is retired he'll know how fucking crazy it can get with diktats from the top e.t.c.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey,

    It seems like you're going through a difficult time right now with your friend and your other house mates and things are getting out of control.

    It seems as though your friend is trying to blackmail you into giving him more money, as if he had called the police, you would have known about it by now. Your friend is putting your in a very difficult position indeed. Therefore, it would be a good idea to not give him anymore money even though you may be feeling like you should.

    You say that you are receiving counselling to help you through some underlying issues. Have you tried to tell your friend or your other house mates about this or explained your reasons for taking the money like you have to us? Your friend may be reacting in anger as he just sees that you stole his money but maybe if you explained your situation and how you are feeling he may be more understanding. You may like to read the article on theSite.org's website about When friends go bad.

    Also, please seek legal advice immediately if the police do arrest you for anything. You may like to read theSite.org's article on Rights on arrest.

    Hope things get better soon.

    :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds silly but here I can be totally honest. When he first mentioned the police I just said I did it, no question. But then through all of this I don't think I did it because I don't remember doing it? Unless I am seriously crazy of course in which case section me now! I have tried talking to these people, I've tried talking to them since August and all I've got back is that it's my fault because I'm a bad person and I keep making new friends and moving on from them. I'm just trying to get answers but it's taken so long and it's got to this stage I just can't wait to move out. Term finishes in 2 weeks so I'm just counting down the days really.

    Thank you for listening everyone x
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