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Jealous I've lost my friend to her baby!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I know. Believe me, I know. What's worse is that I'm the Godmother and obviously I knew that her pregnancy would consume most of her social life, and I had 9 months to prepare for this...God I sound like a selfish bitch. I just have noone to talk to about this, so apologies this post will probably be a little disjointed.
I had a sneaking suspicion that I would be jealous of the baby, isn't it usually women are jealous of their FRIEND, for having a baby? I mean, babies are fine, I'll have some in the future but our group of friends are in our early 20's...none of this is on our agendas for at least 5 years.
I can't really explain how it feels, where once I would go to my best friend's house to watch a dvd is now overtaken by her giant goon of a partner answering the door and the two of them in this disgusting family unit, I'm sitting there thinking, "what is wrong with me, I should be coo cooing all over this kid and blowing rasberries in its face but...*and it's not that I don't care, I mean I'm the godmother, there was never any question in my mind I would love my goddaughter* but I can't help thinking, "ok, it's been 8 weeks...I haven't seen you without a baby attached to your nipple or aforementioned goony partner hanging around in his underpants crashing our girl time.
I don't know. My other friends are just telling me to try and be more understanding and - I would never tell her any of this, that I'm jealous/slightly resentful she has no contact with us apart from when we haul ourselves to the middle of nowhere to sit with her, only to be ignored for most of the evening because she's playing with her baby.
And the baby, is a lovely wee thing, but...it's a baby. I am a horrible person aren't I? Like just because it doesn't really do anything and I get bored staring at it thinking, "this is all well and good but I haven't had a proper chat with you since you've had the baby, and oh you've made an excuse not to come out for a glass of wine NEXT weekend away because here's a programme on tv, yet you found time to go out with a girl from your college class and get absolutely hammered last night"
I'm sad, frustrated and...mainly sad. Can't talk to anyone about it, feels like I've already lost her and there's only so much I can feign interest in nipple pads without asking her is there something so wrong with her original group of friends that she can't spare us a few hours of her time? Yet can go out and smashed with someone who's know her for a year.
Oh God, I am a jealous boyfriend
Congrats to anyone who has read that entire mess, and thanks to anyone who has experienced this.
I had a sneaking suspicion that I would be jealous of the baby, isn't it usually women are jealous of their FRIEND, for having a baby? I mean, babies are fine, I'll have some in the future but our group of friends are in our early 20's...none of this is on our agendas for at least 5 years.
I can't really explain how it feels, where once I would go to my best friend's house to watch a dvd is now overtaken by her giant goon of a partner answering the door and the two of them in this disgusting family unit, I'm sitting there thinking, "what is wrong with me, I should be coo cooing all over this kid and blowing rasberries in its face but...*and it's not that I don't care, I mean I'm the godmother, there was never any question in my mind I would love my goddaughter* but I can't help thinking, "ok, it's been 8 weeks...I haven't seen you without a baby attached to your nipple or aforementioned goony partner hanging around in his underpants crashing our girl time.
I don't know. My other friends are just telling me to try and be more understanding and - I would never tell her any of this, that I'm jealous/slightly resentful she has no contact with us apart from when we haul ourselves to the middle of nowhere to sit with her, only to be ignored for most of the evening because she's playing with her baby.
And the baby, is a lovely wee thing, but...it's a baby. I am a horrible person aren't I? Like just because it doesn't really do anything and I get bored staring at it thinking, "this is all well and good but I haven't had a proper chat with you since you've had the baby, and oh you've made an excuse not to come out for a glass of wine NEXT weekend away because here's a programme on tv, yet you found time to go out with a girl from your college class and get absolutely hammered last night"
I'm sad, frustrated and...mainly sad. Can't talk to anyone about it, feels like I've already lost her and there's only so much I can feign interest in nipple pads without asking her is there something so wrong with her original group of friends that she can't spare us a few hours of her time? Yet can go out and smashed with someone who's know her for a year.
Oh God, I am a jealous boyfriend
Congrats to anyone who has read that entire mess, and thanks to anyone who has experienced this.
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Comments
To be honest it doesn't really sound as though the baby is the problem. You say she has been out with other friends and yet doesn't seem to be making time for you, so she obviously doesn't have to be with the baby 24/7.
Perhaps you need to have a look at what her feelings about you and her more long-term friends are, and what she might be feeling about her newer friends.
On a purely speculative level, maybe she feels that as you're a much more established friend, she doesn't have to 'entertain' you to have a good friendship; it might be that she's just comfortable having you around and doing normal things and a wild night out isn't necessary for you to have a good relationship.
It might be a good idea to have a chat with her about it without verbalising your resentment. Tell her that you love watching her be 'Mum', and you're proud of her for doing so well, but you miss her as 'my friend XXXX'. Maybe ask her out on a date, just the two of you, as a reward for doing so well at being a mum; show up at her house with a rose between your teeth, go out for a romantic meal and have a giggle. It may well be she's so stressed with being Supermum and managing the baby that she's forgotten how nice it is to just be herself for a while.
Friendships take work, just like relationships, especially at times of change. Treat this as you would a relationship that needs spicing up, and try to stay supportive. Resentment will only breed more difficulties, but if you keep reminding her why she loved being your friend in the first place, she won't be able to help wanting to be around you.
I know what you mean about letting older relationships go a bit slack, kind of the "oh she knows I love her anyway" mentality.
It isn't terrible that I want to see her without the baby every once in a while...
I agree that you should try and have a chat to her about it. But deffo in a gentle 'I love the baby, but I miss YOU' kind of way, rather than an 'arrrgggh, enough with the infant already' way