Home› Health & Wellbeing
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options

I have let myself down...thoughts in my head :(

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Health & Wellbeing
Hey everyone, I haven't been on here for a while which of course can only be good news I suppose. I have been doing very well and haven't cut for more than a month.

Today has just been a really crap day :( I should be at college right now but I have chickened out and come home pretending that I have got a tummy bug.

My flat mate really upset me this morning. It sounds so stupid but when I put my ballet leotard and tights in the tumble dryer and turned it on it started smelling of smoke. Of course I turned it off straight away. but my flat mate came over and started having a go at me for using the tumble dryer. AAAAAAHHHHHH how was I supposed to know that it was going to do that. I didn't realise just how fragile I still must be because it really got to me, such a stupid little thing but I just felt myself fill up with anger. my heart started pumping realy fast and i just wanted to scream at her so loud. Instead I just walked way. Straight away I just felt like not bothering with my day at all.

I got into college and obviously I was now feeling really pissed off and really didn't feel like doing an hours dance class but I did. I thought maybe I would feel better through the day but it got to lunchtime and I just thought ahh well knowone will miss me if i go home for the day anyway.
I am now sitting here kicking myself because I have let myself down bigtime and know that I am going to miss things and get behind on dances. It's my last term before I am graduating and here I am sitting on my bum wollowing in self pitty like I was before :(:( I feel like i have taken a massive step backwards when I was finally becoming myself again.

I am thinking of cutting myself right now but I have come on here instead to let it out.

I am never going to reach my goals if I run away all the time:banghead: god I hate how I am so weak.............................why is life so hard :(

I'm sorry for the rant

xx

Comments

  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey its really good that you came on here for a rant instead of self harming, thats real progress for a start.
    Try to stay strong and concentrate on how well you have been doing lately, your flatmate probably has her own problems or was maybe justa little tired this morning.
    Try not to dwell on one incident and dont worry about the time you missed at college it was just one afternoon and i know i have lost more time than that for less worthy reasons.
    Keep posting and if you cant shout at your flatmate shout at us, you can even call me names if it helps :thumb:
    Stay strong i know you can do it x
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thankyou Louise.

    That helped and you are right I guess it was only an afternoon and lets hope I can pull myself back up again :)

    xx
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Anna, how are you feeling today, much better i hope.
    Its a beuatiful sunny day :yippe: so i hope your feeling sunny to
    Thinking of you xx
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hello louise :)

    I feel much better today thankyou for asking :) apart from being on my period !

    thankyou for thinking of me :)
    x
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    re

    Hey *Anna*,

    As Louisek has mentioned well done for coming on here instead of harming, That shows real care toward yourself and an internal monitor for your self harm, so well done you!;)

    As regard your flatmate,confronting people or getting across how you feel isnt easy,but might be a good habit to get into if the end result of saying nothing makes you feel like self harming. it also may provoke her to think about her actions on others..just some food for thought!

    take care:wave:
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *Anna* wrote: »
    hello louise :)

    I feel much better today thankyou for asking :) apart from being on my period !

    thankyou for thinking of me :)
    x

    Ahhh well periods are never a good time as far as emotions go are they?

    But im glad your feeling better and please keep posting if you feel the need x
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know what you feel like, I have the same problems. I often get mad very easily and/or upset at little things that I know I shouldn't be upset by. You just have to learn how to deal with it and manage it, and it's not good self-harming because that way the problem doesn't go away, it only becomes worse.

    Next time you get angry just come on here and post, let all your anger out on a ranty thread :) and then ask yourself these questions:

    Why am I mad?

    Is it right that I am mad over this?
    If yes: I shouldn't let it get to me I am bigger than this, I can cope.
    If no: I need to be strong and forget what just happened.

    Just take a big deep breath and then try and forget about everything that just made you mad.

    You'll be surprised, the more you do it, the better it works.
Sign In or Register to comment.