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My girlfriends parents are unreasonable ... help!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok so here's the situation.
I've been going out with my GF for just under 6 months. We're both 19 turning 20. Her parents were born in India, and are insanely, ridiculously strict with her and her sisters. They don't let her leave the house unless it's for work or school, and god forbid she wants to sleep over at a girlfriends house (or say that anyways to come and sleep at mine
). Furthermore, she's always been extremely obedient. She does chores around the house, gets along well with family, has a part time job, and does well in school. Yet despite all this, she still has ridiculous restrictions for an individual of 20 years of age.
Anyways what I'm getting at, is that I think her parents strictness is putting a strain our relationship and I don't what to do. A cuple weeks ago we were out for a dinner and movie, and from 8pm - 9pm her rents called 14 times telling her to come home. This has happened several times, and it always results in me having to rush her home. I think it's absolutely dumb that her parents will not let her sleep over at her best friends house (a girl, whom the parents have known for years), in the summertime when there's no school. They say stupid shit like "you're too old to sleep at other people's houses." and "the only people you're allowed to hug are family members".
Her parents (or at least mom) knows about me being the boyfriend, but hate the fact that their 19yr old is dating, and definitely don't want to meet me. In addition to their strictness, they are sometimes straight up mean to her for seemingly no reason. They bitch and yell and complain about the dumbest things at any given time. They'll yell at her saying she doesn't eat enough and then yell at her when she grabs something to eat from the fridge. It's not just playful nagging either, it's yelling - I've heard it.
Her restrictions are putting a strain on our relationship because it's extremely difficult to pull overnighters with her, and I keep having to race her home as soon as her tempermental parents call. It's really annoying. I'm not sure how to handle this situation. While she does she the problem, she's intent on obeying her parents orders.
Am I out of line here? I think her parents are too controlling of a 20yr old and they are not letting her live her life.
Thoughts/Feedback please!
I've been going out with my GF for just under 6 months. We're both 19 turning 20. Her parents were born in India, and are insanely, ridiculously strict with her and her sisters. They don't let her leave the house unless it's for work or school, and god forbid she wants to sleep over at a girlfriends house (or say that anyways to come and sleep at mine
). Furthermore, she's always been extremely obedient. She does chores around the house, gets along well with family, has a part time job, and does well in school. Yet despite all this, she still has ridiculous restrictions for an individual of 20 years of age.Anyways what I'm getting at, is that I think her parents strictness is putting a strain our relationship and I don't what to do. A cuple weeks ago we were out for a dinner and movie, and from 8pm - 9pm her rents called 14 times telling her to come home. This has happened several times, and it always results in me having to rush her home. I think it's absolutely dumb that her parents will not let her sleep over at her best friends house (a girl, whom the parents have known for years), in the summertime when there's no school. They say stupid shit like "you're too old to sleep at other people's houses." and "the only people you're allowed to hug are family members".
Her parents (or at least mom) knows about me being the boyfriend, but hate the fact that their 19yr old is dating, and definitely don't want to meet me. In addition to their strictness, they are sometimes straight up mean to her for seemingly no reason. They bitch and yell and complain about the dumbest things at any given time. They'll yell at her saying she doesn't eat enough and then yell at her when she grabs something to eat from the fridge. It's not just playful nagging either, it's yelling - I've heard it.
Her restrictions are putting a strain on our relationship because it's extremely difficult to pull overnighters with her, and I keep having to race her home as soon as her tempermental parents call. It's really annoying. I'm not sure how to handle this situation. While she does she the problem, she's intent on obeying her parents orders.
Am I out of line here? I think her parents are too controlling of a 20yr old and they are not letting her live her life.
Thoughts/Feedback please!
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Comments
I would honestly like this, but it's very unlikely I'll have a chance to do. I'm not allowed in their house (I've been inside twice when the rents aren't home), and they actually go out of their way to NOT meet me.
She tells me last night that she won't be able to spend the night with me on my birthday because her parents won't let her out. This is getting ridiculous.
Why would they do that?
If you go out with an indian girl, youve pretty much got to marry her first before doing stuff like that. Its just the way it goes
I understand there may be a element of traditional values in her family and whatnot. It would be wise to suggest trying to get along with her folks, but from what you say, that sounds nigh-on impossible, and from how the girl is dealing with it, it doesn't sound like something that's going to change anytime soon. This in my view is only going to continue to put a massive strain on your relationship, unfortunately.
You've got to decide for yourself if being with her is really worth all the hassle, all the possible anti-climaxes. Relationships are supposed to be happy, and you don't seem to be enjoying this much at all.
She gets along well with her family to some extent yes, but she's beginning to become very skeptical of their (the parents, obv) actions and laggard close-mindedness.
Seeing "Put up with it or dump her" makes me very depressed. Yes I know I don't have many options, but both of those options really suck.
"getting to six months" has not been a problem. it has infact been very nice. this is my first real relationship and getting here was a great journey. now however, when things get more serious, i'm wanting things to move forward but we can't due to these stupid restrictions. i have no clue what to do.
Don't get me wrong, I like our relationship and always have a great time with her. I love her so much, but at the same time I see a lot of obstacles ahead of us in the relationship that will be extremely difficult to hurdle over and are going to make me really unhappy in the process. I don't know WTF to do. I've never been in such a fucked up spot in my life. I don't think I could ever break up with her. On the inside, i'd probably rather be miserable than end it .....
Yes, but she has her beliefs, which you don't share. Part of the problem with her parents may be that they know this and view you as a threat.
At 20 years old, if your gf shared your enthusiasm for "moving things forward", she would have found a way. While I appreciate that not everyone believes in a God, if your gf is a devout RC, your different attitudes to sex before marriage may be impossible to resolve.
This is your first relationship. You are 20 years old. Breaking up never gets any easier. You may think it preferable to be miserable, but how can you expect to make your gf happy, if you are not?
boozing, shagging and impregnation?
i think you need to define what you mean by 'our culture'. i really dont think it's the simple matter of embracing 'our culture' if what you actually mean is that her parents should demonstrate some leniancy. comparing and favouring one way of life over another is pretty dangerous territory imo.
oap- it's a difficult situation and the only thing i can think of is to encourage your girlfriend to convince her parents to meet you. i realise they may not agree to it straight away but some nagging on her part might sway them. also be on tip top behaviour in the meantime- get her home on time and respect the curfew. hopefully this will get you on their good side- at least just a little bit. if your gf feels that her parents are being unreasonable then she's gonna have to be the one to talk to her parents and explain this. all you can do is support her whatever happens.
*whilst shaking skimpily clad ass in overtly sexual way* -catchy but fucked up
have you considered that maybe your girlfriend's parents are just a little bit racist. would they be being so funny about her spending time with you if you were of the same background?
ultimately she's in charge of her own life and like any girl from any background one of the hurdles in life is standing up to overprotective parents! If she wants to direct her own life she's just going to have to take a stand.
In the meantime, wait until her parents are out, then use their bed
Is this a troll?
Because it's very presumptuous to say "These Indians" are like [xxx]. We shouldn't fall into the trap of stereotyping them all as deeply ingrained in old fashioned Indian culture. They might just be plain assholes who wont let their grown up daughter do anything.
When I was a teenager, if I said I'd be home at 11, and got home at 11:30, I'd find myself sleeping in the shed.