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How do you put up with your other half's friends?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm not saying I hate them or anything. In fact quite the opposite they are mostly lovely and I get on really well with them.
There's just a couple that really piss me off at times and I find it so hard to deal with. Mainly because the people who piss me off are not people who'd I'd choose to hang out with and make me feel uncomfortable as hell at times.
I have resigned myself to the fact that at least one of them will forever be in my life if me and the boy settle down (which is looking very likely) and I just need to know how to cope with one of them.
The main one is his best mate's wife. She annoys the hell out of me. I've quite vocally said, I do not like her, to my boyfriend and he agrees but obviously the best mate's missus you got to do what you got to do.
When I first came into the group she actually said "I am the dominant female in the group" which was quite funny as she was the ONLY female in the group apart from someone else who was off travelling. She then proceeded to start to try and be my best friend, we have a lot in common but at the same time I find her utterly patronising.
She then proceeded to tell me several extremely personal things which I then discovered she hadn't told her husband. They amount to an abusive ex and the fact she had got pregnant in the past, twice, had one abortion and one miscarriage.
Now to me that is stuff you should tell the person who you spend the rest of your life with, NOT the girl you've just met.
I've not told my boyfriend as it's not my place to say, however I have said she's told me something that I dont feel comfortable knowing but I can't just forget about it. I'd never interfere in their relationship whatsoever which leads me to the fact....
she wants a baby in the next year. When she and her other half met they both said they dont want kids. Now I'm receiving phonecalls to myself and my bf from them saying "Can you convince him it's a good idea?" I don't know about anybody else, but when I pick someone to settle down with it's a HUGE priority that they want similar things out of life as me. Something as fundemental as kids is just a no-brainer and either way someone will be left unhappy.
I could just ignore her but when my best friend came down and came out with us this girl got horrifically possessive over me and kept interrupting my mate and mine's conversation, baring in mind I only get to see her a couple of times a year.
Then she turned around and called me childish and immature and constantly criticises my boyfriend because he acts immature when he's out (possibly the most mature person I've ever met but, like myself, doesn't feel like they need to act it all the time).
Have you got any hellish mates of partners etc. How do I cope with her and she is driving me mad and making me not want to go out with them.
There's just a couple that really piss me off at times and I find it so hard to deal with. Mainly because the people who piss me off are not people who'd I'd choose to hang out with and make me feel uncomfortable as hell at times.
I have resigned myself to the fact that at least one of them will forever be in my life if me and the boy settle down (which is looking very likely) and I just need to know how to cope with one of them.
The main one is his best mate's wife. She annoys the hell out of me. I've quite vocally said, I do not like her, to my boyfriend and he agrees but obviously the best mate's missus you got to do what you got to do.
When I first came into the group she actually said "I am the dominant female in the group" which was quite funny as she was the ONLY female in the group apart from someone else who was off travelling. She then proceeded to start to try and be my best friend, we have a lot in common but at the same time I find her utterly patronising.
She then proceeded to tell me several extremely personal things which I then discovered she hadn't told her husband. They amount to an abusive ex and the fact she had got pregnant in the past, twice, had one abortion and one miscarriage.
Now to me that is stuff you should tell the person who you spend the rest of your life with, NOT the girl you've just met.
I've not told my boyfriend as it's not my place to say, however I have said she's told me something that I dont feel comfortable knowing but I can't just forget about it. I'd never interfere in their relationship whatsoever which leads me to the fact....
she wants a baby in the next year. When she and her other half met they both said they dont want kids. Now I'm receiving phonecalls to myself and my bf from them saying "Can you convince him it's a good idea?" I don't know about anybody else, but when I pick someone to settle down with it's a HUGE priority that they want similar things out of life as me. Something as fundemental as kids is just a no-brainer and either way someone will be left unhappy.
I could just ignore her but when my best friend came down and came out with us this girl got horrifically possessive over me and kept interrupting my mate and mine's conversation, baring in mind I only get to see her a couple of times a year.
Then she turned around and called me childish and immature and constantly criticises my boyfriend because he acts immature when he's out (possibly the most mature person I've ever met but, like myself, doesn't feel like they need to act it all the time).
Have you got any hellish mates of partners etc. How do I cope with her and she is driving me mad and making me not want to go out with them.
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Comments
oh and dont do what i did. if she is a bitch to you then stick up for yourself. you arent there to be treated like shit despite her status as your bf's bestmate's gf. if your boyfriend has any sense he will respect you more for it too.
Basically, they have made it pretty clear that they don't like me and therefore I make no effort to get on with them anymore (I used to, it's not like I was always a bitch even though we didn't really have a lot in common). They treat me like a child and they are mysogynistic arseholes, basically. My opinion doesn't matter to them at all, and they act like I don't exist when I'm there. So my strategy? I avoid them as much as possible. They are stubborn as all hell so any attempt to talk to them would be pointless, so I just don't bother. When I do have to see them I keep out of their way as much as possible. I know this will be more difficult when I live with him (he's moving out, but I will still, I assume, have to see them on occasion) but as long as he knows why I wouldn't want to come with him (not that I'd ever be invited), I'm happy for him to see them without me around. They are his friends, after all, even if they do make me feel like a tiny little insignificant piece of dirt.
That said, I am entirely non-confrontational and when they upset me I bottle it up. If she's being such a bitch and you can't avoid her then tell her so. It seems to me she has a problem with you for no real reason so demand a reason out of her.
I got into a bit of a discussion with her about the stuff she dumped on me, in private of course, and she got all shirty with me saying "I don't want to talk about it right now. It's not the time etc" which is fair enough to a degree. I then had a bit of a pop and she went all cold on me and told a couple of people that she thought I'd stolen some cash (which I would NEVER do in a million years). Everybody ignored her and the next time I saw her she was nice as pie.
The thing is I HATE confrontation and I won't give her the cold shoulder. I don't mean to but I end up being nice back to her and I can't stand it but I can't seem to stop it.
I hate forced relationships. Boo!
Although i laughed at the fact that when she started telling lies about you, everyone ignored it. Does this mean that other people agree with you or at least know what she's like?
My advice is just to simply keep all contact to a minimum, and only really speak to her when you are out as a group, and she happens to be there. Then all you have to do is make polite convo with her at the time.
And if she feels like she cant tell her partner about all that stuff that she could tell you, hey, it's her funeral.
Thing is though that really narks me is that I used to know her about 8 years ago at college. And she was an utter cow to me then and now expects me to be her bestest bestest bestest friend.
The other night when we were out my bf's ex was there. She couldn't STAND her when they were together but because there was another girl there she got all cosied up and was like "OMG, we should meet up and buy shoes"
Fuck youuuuuu woman. Hehe
she sounds like a complete nightmare! it took me ages to realise this because i assumed my ex's bestmate's girlfriend had tons of friends but as i began to be more around her friends i realised that she was extremely unpopular and that most of them were only friends with her out of some sort of misplaced allegience to her bf.
Yay for us
from my situation it's people spouting on about how annoying she is. i am a bit of a hypocrite though because i can put up with her in SMALL doses. but now im not seeing my ex i get less annoyed with her because i see her less often
That bitch sounds strange chick x
I know this is slightly different but I have totally had enough of my boyfriends mates and have even thought about finishing my bf over them.
I find it extremely hurtful that my boyfriend tells me that he would always stick up for his friends before me and that his friends are his life.
Firstly, I feel like he keeps me seperate from the rest of his life as i am not included in these friends. He won't allow me to be with him if his friends are there. And is forever changing plans with me to be with them but when i ask him to change his plans with them he shouts at me because "I'm not giving him enough time to be with his mates". I see him about twice a week!
Also, his friends keep sending me messages behind my bfs back. This is an example of one of them from one of his friends on facebook (I took the names out btw):
"hi ---, it's
here right [my bf] doesnt know im snding this ya can show i dont car, now [my bf] has got a life other than just you hun, he has you college freinds an his own life, ok i know hat he is the only thing you have got but you r making his life a living hell, [my bf] needs a life from just you, plz msg me bk thankyou xx"
As you can imagine I was confused and upset but this is like the tenth time now so i decided to tell my bf and all he said was that it was nothing to do with him and that if i have a problem i should take it up with the "mate" of his in question. I asked him to stick up for me but it started an argument because he said he doesn't want to fight my battles for me.
Am I really wrong in thinking that my bf should stick up for me or say something to them?
They are on holiday together at the moment and I am so worried that he is going to try and take him away from me... he has been acting a bit odd towards me on the phone and won't text me back so that's weird!!! He asked me to move in with him before he left, but I am so para that he is going to change his mind. I have very low self confidence when it comes to men