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Urgent advice needed

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Hey,

For a bit of background strory, see this thread: http://vbulletin.thesite.org/showthread.php?t=140605

Well after speaking (via text) last night it turns out that shes been funny with me since last thursday due to a conversation we had that morning. I didnt realise she was that bothered by it but apparently so.

Basically she's pretty much obsessed with this guy who doesnt like her back in that way and she spent most of the night dancing with him and trying to get his attention. All of her friends have told her to forget him and move on but we all know thats easier said than done when you like someone.

We were talking over facebook in the morning after and we ended up not so much arguing but just disagreeing somewhat because of how she pretty much just fobbed me off when i said hello to her. Sounds petty when written down but ever since ive known her whenever we've greeted each other its always been a big deal, like a massive hug, big smiles etc..but seeing as thats gone now it gets to me a bit, any it was forgotten about, then she asked me why i didnt go and say bye to her when i left (early, well, 2am-ish, club was open till about 4) and i made a bitchy comment saying something like 'i'd be surprised if you even noticed, im not (the guy she's obsessed with).
Well turns out this comment really upset her it still bugs her now....so how to make things right again. If im honest, sure i do still have some feelings for her, but more than anything i want my friend back. We were really close before, we'd talk nearly everyday about anything and everything and now we barely speak at all.
I was thinking maybe taking her some flowers this afternoon, saying sorry and saying that its stupid how we're not even really friends anymore.....good idea though? Or give her space? - im a bit worried also that if i give her too much space she might think that i dont care.

So...help?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    icey wrote: »
    I was thinking maybe taking her some flowers this afternoon, saying sorry and saying that its stupid how we're not even really friends anymore.....good idea though?

    this - flowers
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katralla wrote: »
    this - flowers
    Point taken, i wasn't sure about that myself either, it was like a peace offering really just didnt really know what else to do. I've apologised over text as part of the conversation we were having last night but she's still upset over it. To be honest i dont think shes upset so much over the comment at a guess i would say its more because your friends are supposed to be supportive of what you do and with that comment i pretty much called her obsessed (she is, but wont admit it).
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You don't have to pretend not to notice that she's obsessed to be a good friend though.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I suppose not, she doesnt see that she is though. She tells us all (her friends) that she knows theyre not going to get together and that shes just friends with him, yet its pretty obvious to everyone that shes still fighting for his attention all the time and it's clear that shes definately not over him. So i think the getting arsey with me is more of a defensive reaction, but it doesnt help me much either way
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sounds like a classic case of shooting the messenger. It'd be safer to avoid the subject but, you fancy thhis girl dfon't you? Is this ever going to work as a friendship?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think so, we were friends before things started getting complicated and good friends at that. I've always known that we would never work as a couple and if im honest i did really enjoy that closeness we had because it was like having a gf without all the hastle of having an actual gf. We'd just hang out, have a laugh, watch films etc then when we were out we'd both go and out whomever we wanted to...it just started going a bit wrong when we started pulling each other and different feelings started to develop. I do still have a small amount of feelings for her but i think the majority of those are because i just miss her. I mean before all this we would litterally talk nearly every day, we'd hang out a lot and hung around in the same friendship group a lot.

    I know for a fact we're not going to get together, for starters i wouldnt be able to handle it because I'd know she was still into the other guy, and secondly i just think that we were better as friends. It was a lot of fun teasing each other about people we'd pulled or things that happened on nights out or whatever and i miss having her around all the time
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So, went to see her today, only she wasnt in, so i called her, no answer but i got a text from her a few moments later saying she couldnt talk at the moment but she'd text me later. I replied saying that i'd gone round to see her but she (obviously) wasnt in, but that i'd be around in town quite a while in case she wanted to meet me later..we got conversing a little and it seems that the throwaway comment i made before really got to her and shes still upset about it now. She says shes mainly upset because im one of only a few people who really know how broke up she was about her unrequieted love for this guy and how its really hurt her that i'd use that against her. I apologised profusely and she's said she does forgive me, but that it still really hurts and she needs some space for a while. So...thats where we are at the minute, hoping everything goes back to normal after a while cause i do really miss her and feel pretty bad that i've upset her this much. The comment didnt really mean much to me at the time, it was just a bit of a spiteful jibe to be honest, regretting it now though. Think before you speak kiddies :\
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    when me and my boyfriend broke up i said something stupid like 'guess im starting to see your true colors' he took this really bad and told me that comment caused him to lose a lot of love that he had for me. i gave him some space, he really didnt lose love his feelings were just fogged or covered by that one thing. we ended up going back out and its not like its hanging over or heads. my the same thing will happen to you, only in a friend version.
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