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Open relationships
**helen**
Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
Where do you stand on the subject?
Freyja has strong views based on her experiences at the university of lust. Have a looky.
I've also been highly entertained by the definitions on Urban Dictionary, particularly this:
Freyja has strong views based on her experiences at the university of lust. Have a looky.
I've also been highly entertained by the definitions on Urban Dictionary, particularly this:
An open relationship is a relationship where one person does not own the other. The couple are not exclusively seeing each other and can date, flirt and hook up with other people should they wish to do so. In a true open relationship the couple will be fully honest with each other (unlike most regular relationships). They will not get pissed at each other for stupid things such as not ringing the day before, wearing a slutty top, passing out cold in a club, kissing that lesbian in the lift. Infact they will just love each other for who they are and support each other through times of need. Although other people will say they are sluts and it will never work, they onlys say this because they are jealous. In the end the couple will get bored of seeing other people because they realise they are the best two out there. Then they get married and have beautiful children. And retire together in Goa.
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it's a good thing applied psychologists don't have strong preconceptions about other people's motives and beliefs.
And from what I can read, her gripe isn't with actual open relationships at all, it's with cheating guys in pubs, who think the white lie of 'kind of seeing someone' or 'I'm in an open relationship' makes it ok to pull people in clubs with the guarantee that they won't be expecting anything more. That's somewhat different to a genuine open relationship.
:yes: that's what I read too - she's ranting about her specific experience of 'open relationships' at uni - pretty valid imho.
however, i'd never choose to be in one.
I think she goes out of her way to establish she isn't talking about that... despite it looking strongly like she actually is.
But I can't be bothered with it.
Xx
I really don't understand it....same with people saying they're just out for casual fun. I think it's more a case of them not properly clicking with the other person - or there would be no temptation to see other people or fear in getting more serious in the first place. Fair enough if you meet someone and find a few dates down the line you find that you don't really gel for whatever reason - then it's time to move on - but to go into something and say right from the outset that you're going to shag around I find most bizarre.
But then I've only ever snogged two guys and have been with my current boyfriend for 9 years so haven't really done the dating thing much and so I appreciate I must lack a bit of perspective on the topic. I'd be very interested to hear from people who are in 'proper' open relationships how it works for them....
As you can with someone you do love though...is 'good sex' only obtainable outside a loving relationship because all the love and fluffiness gets in the way? I suppose it all depends on the sex drive of the people concerned, maybe I'm lucky, but after 9 years I still get regular, hot sex from my bloke. I don't need my excitement from anywhere else.
Do you think, then, that an open relationship can actually save things from going stale? In that way is it a relationship saver? Is that what it's all about??
It's not about being a relationship saver - unlike closed relationships where sex is restricted to make each other dependant on the other for sex.
Do things go stale in cliosed relationships more than open ones?
I see what you mean. I'm just interested because I really can't comprehend. Maybe they have one of those real life stories somewhere on here. I'll go looky
It certainly does. Now what's that got to do with sex?
Can you be comitted and go elsewhere for sex then ? Not in my opinion you cant.
That nice for you.
Same here. Nothing I've written was meant to be judgmental - just random stream of conciousness musings.
It's almost certainly all a matter of different strokes for different folks, and we of us who can't get it won't be able to get it.
It's not a matter of not being able to divorce sex from love, but if I do get a damn good sex life with my partner, what's the need to go for fun times elsewhere when it can be got at home? There's also the emotional angle - I think you have to be made of strong stuff not to care when your partner goes off with someone else, even if it's all above board.
I dunno....
Sorry what do you mean ?
Or, to put it another way, what's right for me isn't necessarily right for you.
Or, as a prurient example, I wouldn't want to have a threesome with my partner, because I feel that what happens between us is so very intimate and private - but I would have no objection to having a threesome with another couple, because they might not have that belief.
I'm not sure that this is the case. I don't think that I'm in a closed relationship purely so that my other half has to have sex with me.
I'm in a closed relationship because I don't want to have sex with anyone else and, probably more relevantly, because I don't want my other half to have sex with anyone else. This is not necessarily because I want him to have to come to me if he wants to have sex, I just don't want him to go to anyone else.
I freely admit that I would have severe jealousy issues if my partner had sex with anyone else. It would also erode the trust in our relationship. We are in a relationship that does not allow us to have sex with other people. This is I suppose the agreement that we made.
This makes sense in my head, but I'm struggling to explain it very well I'm afraid.
I have no problem with other people having open relationships, but it would not suit our relationship. However, if the unthinkable were to happen and we were to split up, I wouldn't rule out an open relationship with the right person. I think relationships have to be an agreement between two people, and whatever makes them both happiest is the way things should be for them.
That's the thing. If someone comes to these boards and says "my other half doesn't like me seeing any of my friends," we all say "ooohh... sounds like a controlling relationship, you're probably better off out of it."
When someone says "My partner doesn;t like me seing any of my opposite sex friends on my own" some people say "Well, that's understandable" but more still say "That's unreasonable."
When somene says "My boyfriend complanis that I keep flirting" it's about half and half between those that say "You shouldn't flirt" and 'it's harmless"
If we get as far as a wet kiss (other than a same sex one purely for the titillation of an opposite sex partner) then the majority say it's gone too far.
So there is no black and white this is OK, andthis is not" - it's down to what is right for the individuals involved.
But it's certainly not OK to tell someone you're in an open relationship if your partner doesn't know that that is the case.
No, I don't really think so either. But if people can say I'm in a open relationship with someone because I'm just waiting for something better, or because it's a effort to save a stale relationship, then I think it's OK to make similar disparaging comments about closed relationships.
Fair enough.
Why are you in an open relationship then? I've explained (or tried to) why I'm in a closed one. I think it would be interesting for someone in an open relationship to say why it's right for them.
(Having typed this, I'm thinking that the answers will just come back 'because it just is right for us' or similar, but I'm interested anyway).
I would be devastated if someone i loved was going elsewhere for sex, comfort, or more.
I cant be the only one who struggles with the udea.