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Mods, should I do this?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi all. Before I start making any posts I am going to ask the mods if this idea is a good idea.
Hi Mods,
I wish to abide by the rules and I saw this website was on the bbc saying more or less that thesite is a good place for open discussion. I am an absent father and I apparently have a 10 year old daughter who I have never met. I wont go into any details other than I think that she may wish to meet me and I would like to do so to, but it would be through an appropriate mediator such as the CSA who have contacted me about money. Of course I have maintained that I do not think that maintenance is a currency exchangeable for the commodity of father daughter access and whatever happens, I will respect the decision which they feel is best for her. I wont give out any more information which may cause offence or which allows identity to be revealed, such as names, places dates etc. If anybody asks a question that requires harmless information of a general nature then I may be able to answer but I will think carefully before I do for the above reasons.
So my idea is, anonymously, to answer general questions that people may want to ask me as an absent father. I do not wish to bad mouth anybody and I do not wish to cause offence, even though everybody is of course entitled to their own opinion and so disagreements can be conducted courteously on this forum. Before I make this post, I am aware that children may use this site and that it therfore may not be a good idea for me to offer a place for questions for them. This is really intended for adults but I guess there is no sure way of knowing if somebody who is asking a question is indeed an adult and I dont want to take up too much moderator time. So if you think this is a bad idea, then I wont do it. But if you think this is a good opportunity, then I can make a thread, say in the family section, and post the link to it below. If it gets that far, I would suggest the following guidelines, if you agree.
What not to ask:
Anything personally identifiable or anything other than a general question.
I am not your father, or your estranged husband or you (if you are an absent father too). So dont get overly angry with me, but feel free to disagree (as per normal forum rules).
Why am I doing this?
Well I suppose part of it is because I am curious as to what questions would be asked but that really is a small factor. The main reason is that I saw a BBC documentary called "Who's Your Daddy", hosted by pop star Alesha Dixon and I feel it failed to give the audience answers to some questions. Now I am not too keen on the idea of a pop star hosting such a show, in comparison to maybe a doctor but I do not wish to bring that into this too much. Nor am I out to attack Alesha Dixon. I just think she didnt do a good job of it. The main story of the documentary followed a young lady in her twenties, called Amy who was looking for her Dad. She was lovely and it was heart warming. Her mother was appropriately neutral on camera and she gave a balanced view whilst supporting her daughter find her dad. The father wished to remain private as he had a large family. So with the mother and daughter covered, Alesha Dixon made a diversion to interview somebody who the papers (and the documentary) titled something to the effect of Sunderland's "worst" absent father. He had 8 different children by 8 women and his social skills where far removed from those of Amy's family. Alesha Dixon looked like she wanted to thump the guy and he was useless to be blunt. Alesha Dixon had a rant about him and similar absent fathers but added a tiny verbal footnote disclaimer to say that not all absent fathers were like this. But anybody watching wouldnt have come away thinking that was the message. I am not here to defend absent fathers. I think that the audience didnt get a chance to see answers to the standard questions that a reasonable man would answer. Even though I have limited time, I would like to offer the chance for some people on this site to ask me some questions because I think the pop star hostess short changed the audience. I dont see anybody else doing this online and I think it would be a nice idea but please keep in mind that everybody's situation is different. Im not here to get my side of the story across. Really, I dont mind what you all think of me. This is anonymous and I have gone 11 years so far noticing that this is a hard subject to broach.
Is this a bad idea?
I shall keep my posts brief in comparison to this one. I hope you understand that I had to double check with you mods first, so apologies for the length of this one post.
AF
Hi Mods,
I wish to abide by the rules and I saw this website was on the bbc saying more or less that thesite is a good place for open discussion. I am an absent father and I apparently have a 10 year old daughter who I have never met. I wont go into any details other than I think that she may wish to meet me and I would like to do so to, but it would be through an appropriate mediator such as the CSA who have contacted me about money. Of course I have maintained that I do not think that maintenance is a currency exchangeable for the commodity of father daughter access and whatever happens, I will respect the decision which they feel is best for her. I wont give out any more information which may cause offence or which allows identity to be revealed, such as names, places dates etc. If anybody asks a question that requires harmless information of a general nature then I may be able to answer but I will think carefully before I do for the above reasons.
So my idea is, anonymously, to answer general questions that people may want to ask me as an absent father. I do not wish to bad mouth anybody and I do not wish to cause offence, even though everybody is of course entitled to their own opinion and so disagreements can be conducted courteously on this forum. Before I make this post, I am aware that children may use this site and that it therfore may not be a good idea for me to offer a place for questions for them. This is really intended for adults but I guess there is no sure way of knowing if somebody who is asking a question is indeed an adult and I dont want to take up too much moderator time. So if you think this is a bad idea, then I wont do it. But if you think this is a good opportunity, then I can make a thread, say in the family section, and post the link to it below. If it gets that far, I would suggest the following guidelines, if you agree.
What not to ask:
Anything personally identifiable or anything other than a general question.
I am not your father, or your estranged husband or you (if you are an absent father too). So dont get overly angry with me, but feel free to disagree (as per normal forum rules).
Why am I doing this?
Well I suppose part of it is because I am curious as to what questions would be asked but that really is a small factor. The main reason is that I saw a BBC documentary called "Who's Your Daddy", hosted by pop star Alesha Dixon and I feel it failed to give the audience answers to some questions. Now I am not too keen on the idea of a pop star hosting such a show, in comparison to maybe a doctor but I do not wish to bring that into this too much. Nor am I out to attack Alesha Dixon. I just think she didnt do a good job of it. The main story of the documentary followed a young lady in her twenties, called Amy who was looking for her Dad. She was lovely and it was heart warming. Her mother was appropriately neutral on camera and she gave a balanced view whilst supporting her daughter find her dad. The father wished to remain private as he had a large family. So with the mother and daughter covered, Alesha Dixon made a diversion to interview somebody who the papers (and the documentary) titled something to the effect of Sunderland's "worst" absent father. He had 8 different children by 8 women and his social skills where far removed from those of Amy's family. Alesha Dixon looked like she wanted to thump the guy and he was useless to be blunt. Alesha Dixon had a rant about him and similar absent fathers but added a tiny verbal footnote disclaimer to say that not all absent fathers were like this. But anybody watching wouldnt have come away thinking that was the message. I am not here to defend absent fathers. I think that the audience didnt get a chance to see answers to the standard questions that a reasonable man would answer. Even though I have limited time, I would like to offer the chance for some people on this site to ask me some questions because I think the pop star hostess short changed the audience. I dont see anybody else doing this online and I think it would be a nice idea but please keep in mind that everybody's situation is different. Im not here to get my side of the story across. Really, I dont mind what you all think of me. This is anonymous and I have gone 11 years so far noticing that this is a hard subject to broach.
Is this a bad idea?
I shall keep my posts brief in comparison to this one. I hope you understand that I had to double check with you mods first, so apologies for the length of this one post.
AF
0
Comments
:banghead:
This site really doesnt make it clear that it is for 16 to 25 year olds. I am not the only one who has made the mistake of thinking otherwise. So it seems that the people who run this wbsite have wasted my time and your time too. :no:
Sorry I can no longer answer questions for all you. Hope you all do well in your own situations and find understanding in those of other people.
I have sent a PM in reply to the introduction PM template that we all get, explaining that I feel a poor job has been done in filtering age groups from the offset. I trusted this site because I saw it on the BBC. Not now. :wave:
At first your post seemed to suggest you had come here looking for answers to your situation, but then going on to wanting to answer general questions for other people who may be in a similar situation? TBH I got rather confused at what is going on.
And again we're sorry you feel you've experience has been a negative one.
Because, as far as I know, I am neither of those ages and nor am I any age inbetween.
Xx
:yes: