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problems with a friend

BillieTheBotBillieTheBot Posts: 8,721 Bot
in Sex & Relationships
urgh.

i need to rant about a friend. an old friend from uni who lives 60 miles away from me. i don't know whether i'm overreacting so would like some opinions from people.

basically, i made this thread a months ago...http://vbulletin.thesite.org/showthread.php?t=138548

my friend booked her hen do in the end. 5 days away in barcelona. its costing a bomb. i can't go. one, i can't afford it and two, someone already has the time off at work so i wouldn't even be able to get the time off even if i wanted to.since i've explained all this to her and its all been booked, she's been an absolute arse with me. i have only seen her a few times since (she lives 60 miles away from me) and every single time she has guilt tripped me about it. its boring. i can't afford it. i can't get the time off. simple as.

anyway, that isn't my problem. my problem is regarding her behaviour. recently, she tried to arrange going to the V Festival with MY friends who also live about 60 miles away from her. MY friends that she has only met once or twice before at my birthday, etc. she tried to arrange this without even inviting me. she didn't even try to hide what she was doing as she did it all over facebook and everything comes up in my feed.

anyway, i forgot about it then i got home tonight and saw that she's invited a few of MY friends to a night out around hers but not invited me? again, she's done it all over facebook.

am i overreacting by being upset by her behaviour? it just seems REALLY weird that she's arranging stuff with my friends that she's only met once or twice before at my birthday, etc and not bothering to invite me too? she doesn't know them. she doesn't even have their numbers. these are my BESTEST friends who i've known for over 10 years. i just feel as though she's really trying to upset me. i mean, why would she arrange things with my friends (who live 60 miles away!) who she has only met once without even inviting me? seems really odd. i don't mind her inviting my friends. i'm friends with some of her friends but i only really see them when i see her!!!

i'm at the point with her now when i don't even want to be friends with her anymore. she wants me to go to her wedding next march but i don't even think i want to go anymore. she just pisses me off. she talks to me like complete shit and doesn't even make an effort with me anymore. she just invites me to things that make her look more popular!

what should i do? i sound like a jealous cow here probably. i'm not honestly. i'm just upset by her behaviour.

eta: i don't have problems with my old uni mate being friends with my home mates. i don't have a problem with my friend organising things with my friends and going out with them without me there. i am just upset that she hasn't invite me too considering she's only met most of them once or twice and they live nowhere near her. i just don't want to come across as a clingy immature cow, lol...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it does seem like she is trying to provoke you. i would see it as her problem. you have the right to be upset but try not let it get to you too much. maybe she is one of those bridezilla types? hopefully it's just a phase, let her get on with it and when she returns back to normal tell her to let you know :thumb:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah seems like she is just trying to wind you up, Give her a call and tell her how you feel, say that you don't want to fall out over this and the fact you can't go to the hen party is not your fault. If this fails...she isnt a true friend. Simple as in my opinion.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    change the settings for your favebook feeds so you don't see what she's doing, then, if she's doing it intentionally she will lose the power to upset you as you won't even know.

    Go to the wedding, you will look sily if you don't. Just avoid any friction between now and then.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tell her to get her own friends
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well, ive woken up and calmed down and thought that maybe im being a bit silly?

    scc - i'm really tempted to say that to her tbh but then, how immature would i come across?

    katralla - the thing is, ive got to book 30 hours off work to go to her wedding because i happen to be in work that weekend. i only get 170. i don't know if i want to use up that many hours of my annual leave for someone who clearly doesn't give a shit about my feelings?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What do your other friends think about her inviting them to things and not you? It just seems odd. But gives you a good excuse not to go to her wedding - why would you if she's not even inviting you to nights out and stuff, despite inviting your friends?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tell her you'll go, smile to her face etc. Don't book the tiime off work and either apologise for being sick and not able to go or because you have an 'emergency' at work.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm with Kat B. What do your friends say about the situation?

    Something similar happened within my family quite recently: sister asked aunt to invite amicable gay friends to a dinner party ... without inviting her! Aunt duly picked up the phone and invited said gay friends, but mentioned that she would not be there. Gay friends respected said invite, but politely refused and offered another of their own ... one to which both my aunt and my sister were invited. Aunt's feelings were spared and no one took offence.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my friends have actually got in touch with me about me asking why i haven't been invited. they have spoken to me about it without me even saying anything! they think its odd!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i hope you told them how weird she was being and that theyr being used
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well, i think they realise she's trying to wind me up...

    tbh, i'm just not going to bother with her anymore. i can't be arsed.

    its been a long time coming anyway. ive outgrown her and we've both changed alot. i don't really like who she is anymore.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, there you go. They care. They probably accepted the invitation on the spur of the moment on FB, without questioning whether you had been invited or not. That's the great thing about us oldies. We still speak on the phone. I should pick out your best mates and hatch a cunning plan.

    Believe me, the most painful thing of all is to lose a friend - even if she is a relatively new one. See if you can't organise a get-together to include everyone. You never know, you might actually steal the show!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    overthehill wrote: »
    Well, there you go. They care. They probably accepted the invitation on the spur of the moment on FB, without questioning whether you had been invited or not. That's the great thing about us oldies. We still speak on the phone. I should pick out your best mates and hatch a cunning plan.

    Believe me, the most painful thing of all is to lose a friend - even if she is a relatively new one. See if you can't organise a get-together to include everyone. You never know, you might actually steal the show!

    Sorry. I'm a slow typist. This should have come in a couple of posts earlier. But I stick with my opinion that there is nothing more painful than losing a friend.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    overthehill wrote: »
    Sorry. I'm a slow typist. This should have come in a couple of posts earlier. But I stick with my opinion that there is nothing more painful than losing a friend.
    This.

    It's hard when you come to realise that you have nothing in common anymore, and yeh, it certainly hurts a hell of a lot, but honestly, ending the friendship will be better for you in the long run than dragging it along pretending that you're still the best of friends.

    Trust me, I've done it. Sometimes I regret it but that's because I remember the good times we had before he turned into who he was when I decided to stop bothering anymore. When I think about all the effort I put into a friendship that he didn't really care about at all in the end, I remember that I did the right thing. Not saying it doesn't still hurt like hell, because you know, being told by someone who you considered to be your best friend that you're 'boring' because you don't like to go out and get wasted constantly is never going to be nice, but I know it was for the best.

    Sorry, this turned into a bit of a vent :blush:. But my point still stands - if you don't like her anymore there's no point in pretending. It just makes it harder when it all goes tits up.
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