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Trust - 4 years
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years and he has recently turned 18. For the past 4 years we have been very close, sometimes too close that i feel it pushes him away. But now he has turned 18 i've suddenly realised i don't 100% trust him and i'm so scared about him going out with his friends to town. I have been with him since i was 14 and i've basically grown up with him. All i've known for the past 4 years is me and him.
Whilst we've been together he has met up with girls and spoken to girls (via text, email etc.) and kept it a secret from me. There was even a rumour that he had kissed this girl he was texting. He denied it obviously, but i had an inkling that it was true, but as i didn't want to get hurt i pretended i believed it and pushed it to the back of my mind. That was 2 years ago, but i havent forgot about it. Since then i always feel like there is another girl (time and time again) in the picture, i know he hasn't done anything with them, but its the thought of him getting close to another girl that scares me.
I've mentioned how i feel to him before but he doesn't seem to care or even take notice. So somehow i feel my way in dealing with my trust issue is by trying to control him. I hate myself for it because i don't want to be a girlfriend who does that, but i don't know what else to do. I'll often find him coming to me and asking if he can do something (often something he know will bother me) and i feel if i don't take control and say what i want him to do, he'll go and do something stupid that will hurt me.
I feel so paranoid and insecure. I don't know why i can't trust him. I want to so much, but i don't know how to sort it.
Help please?
Whilst we've been together he has met up with girls and spoken to girls (via text, email etc.) and kept it a secret from me. There was even a rumour that he had kissed this girl he was texting. He denied it obviously, but i had an inkling that it was true, but as i didn't want to get hurt i pretended i believed it and pushed it to the back of my mind. That was 2 years ago, but i havent forgot about it. Since then i always feel like there is another girl (time and time again) in the picture, i know he hasn't done anything with them, but its the thought of him getting close to another girl that scares me.
I've mentioned how i feel to him before but he doesn't seem to care or even take notice. So somehow i feel my way in dealing with my trust issue is by trying to control him. I hate myself for it because i don't want to be a girlfriend who does that, but i don't know what else to do. I'll often find him coming to me and asking if he can do something (often something he know will bother me) and i feel if i don't take control and say what i want him to do, he'll go and do something stupid that will hurt me.
I feel so paranoid and insecure. I don't know why i can't trust him. I want to so much, but i don't know how to sort it.
Help please?
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Comments
Welcome to Thesite boards! It is a really open and supportive community here.
Your post has been moved to the 'Relationships' board as it seems more appropriate for what you are talking about than the 'health' boards. You will hopefully get more responses to your post here.
Keep posting
I know this might sound a bit bad to here but i don't think this relationship is healthy for you at all. If someone is making you paranoid then you aren't in a good place with them, no relationship should have secrets because they just introduce doubts that rock the foundations. This year my mum found out my dad had been having a 3 year affair, she found it in her heart to forgive him but i keep looking back at memories and wondering if they were all fake; do you really want that in what is supposed to be a loving relationship?
In all honesty, i think you should sit down with this boy and have a discussion as to where you think you are going and how you feel about things. I know you say you don't think he listens but try explaining to him that you have your own hopes and dreams of this relationship and that he really needs to listen and in return you'll listen to his.
Also, you say you are controlling, i don't think you sound like that-more like sensible but as the saying goes, people learn from their mistakes. So is he does something that bothers you, let him but tell him that it hurt so that you can sit down together and talk your way through it.
Good luck xxxx
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