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Confused about potential new girl...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi all, just need to put this in writing because I'm a bit confused.

I came out of a 4-year relationship in November and haven't had any interest since, or even been that bothered, but before Xmas I met someone who I really like. We've been out a couple of times (she invited me, once with friends and just now for a coffee), but I honestly don't know whether she sees me as a friend or potential bf. She seems to have quite a few male friends. There's been no real physical contact (kiss on the cheek the other night was the height of it, but that could be a friends thing) and I'm pretty useless at making the first move. I know I should just tell her but it's a difficult thing to do. She's on my mind all the time though.

To complicate things, she's only home (in Belfast) until the end of the month, heading back to uni in London. So I feel like even if I did tell her and she felt the same, would there be much point? I don't really want to get into a distance relationship!

What I would love to be able to do is just ask her straight out - do you think of me as a friend or more? But that's a scary prospect in person, and wussy to do by text. Might have to wait until I've had a few drinks and then do it. Maybe I'll see her again at the weekend. Don't want to keep letting opportunities slide by.

Self-indulgent post, I know, but it helps.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Zero II wrote: »
    Hi all, just need to put this in writing because I'm a bit confused.

    I came out of a 4-year relationship in November and haven't had any interest since, or even been that bothered, but before Xmas I met someone who I really like. We've been out a couple of times (she invited me, once with friends and just now for a coffee), but I honestly don't know whether she sees me as a friend or potential bf. She seems to have quite a few male friends. There's been no real physical contact (kiss on the cheek the other night was the height of it, but that could be a friends thing) and I'm pretty useless at making the first move. I know I should just tell her but it's a difficult thing to do. She's on my mind all the time though.

    To complicate things, she's only home (in Belfast) until the end of the month, heading back to uni in London. So I feel like even if I did tell her and she felt the same, would there be much point? I don't really want to get into a distance relationship!

    What I would love to be able to do is just ask her straight out - do you think of me as a friend or more? But that's a scary prospect in person, and wussy to do by text. Might have to wait until I've had a few drinks and then do it. Maybe I'll see her again at the weekend. Don't want to keep letting opportunities slide by.

    Self-indulgent post, I know, but it helps.

    Hmm it is interesting, from what you have said there do not seem to be any "confirmed" signals of interested, but then again if she does not signal interest this does not mean she doesn't like you, some people choose not to show it, whether out of fear, shyness or other reasons.

    The decision about long distance relationships is one only you can answer, whilst I feel they can work (I was in one for over a year before moving in together and getting married) so they do work!!!! it is really down to the individuals as to whether they WILL work or not.

    Maybe now is not a good time to enter a relationship with her, but then again if you feel it could work then I am afraid 9/10 you will need to make the first move. Unfortunately I am not the best with making the first move, but the best way I have found is to ask to do something together, just the two of you? A good one imo is a meal, nothing too fancy but it gives you a chance to talk and get to know each other, Cinema is a classic but I find you can not really get to know your "Date" at a movie as it is a quiet place, picnics are good but then again that is a big "I like you" sign.

    If you fancy anymore help drop me a PM mate, I'll try my best..
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kiss on the cheek shows a possibility that she does like you.

    But if you do like her, ya got to ask her out dude. Text or phone. Whichever you feel comfortable with, asking if she would like to go out for a drink and take it from there.

    Let us know how you get on. Good luck :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for the replies. We've agreed to go for a coffee again later in the week and it sounds like drinks at the weekend (assuming she gets enough uni work done). I was talking to my mate about this tonight and he was practically slapping me round the face. Sounds simpler when it's not you involved though. The old fear of rejection is the big thing here I suppose. He advised me to 'step it up a notch' i.e. make it pretty bloody obvious that I'm interested without verbally saying so, and hope she bites.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Happy Days - I agree with your mate. Ya gotta just go for it dude :)

    Hope it goes well for ya :):)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hehe, well...

    She texted me this afternoon to say hey and ask if I wanted to meet up again after work. Happy days, I thought. Btw atm she's in a placement in town and having to do uni work in the library in the evenings, hence she's been staying in town. Kind of explains it.

    Anyway, went along, sat for an hour chatting and stuff. Nothing too major - still no great signals being given off but things are friendly. So we leave and just as I'm leaving to head home I go to give her a hug and kiss on the cheek, hoping she might lean in or whatever. But... it's pretty awkward. Nervous laugh from her, not much reciprocation, I feel a bit silly.

    So I think she just sees me as a friend. Which is disappointing but I feel a bit better having more of an idea about it. She texted me after I got home and didn't mention it so hopefully it won't be an issue. And I'll see her again if she asks, though not three days in a row!

    Girls, eh?!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So anyway, this is sort of on now. :)

    I basically told her how I felt on Saturday night (she went back to London yesterday) and she said she felt the same but had been "a bit stand-offish" because she'd recently broken up with someone and was going to be meeting him for a chat. Which she had done earlier in the night.

    She texted me yesterday and got me to come and see her off on her way to the airport. We had a kiss and cuddle and such and yeah, we'll see what happens. It's all a bit weird because I now won't see her until the end of March (though she wants me to go and visit) but it's looking promising.

    Mixed emotions therefore!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Dude just take it nice and slowly and just go with the flow,no need for anything to serious just yet especially with both of you just outta relationships,but it could be good for both of you.
    Anyways good luck and hope everything gors well for you.
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