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Emotionally Abusive Father?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Sorry. Deleted.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm sure someone will come along with some advice but I couldn't not post.
    You're not a failure, you're not whatever they have told you. You seem like a really nice person who doesn't deserve this kind of crap. If you did cut them off I wouldn't blame you, they sound like they are ruining your life and stopping you from getting better. I hope it all works out xx.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Hazel. *hugs*

    Child abuse is more than bruises or broken bones. While physical abuse is shocking due to the scars it leaves, not all child abuse is as obvious. Ignoring children’s needs, putting them in unsupervised, dangerous situations, or making a child feel worthless or stupid are also child abuse. Regardless of the type of child abuse, the result is serious emotional harm.

    What you have been subjected to is abuse. Mental abuse. And its made all the more horrific by the fact that it has been instigated by your parents who are supposed to bring you up in an environment of love, nurturing and security. If social services had got wind of this when you were younger, they almost certainly would have taken you away for your own protection.

    It could be a hard emotional wrench to disassociate yourself from them because this is all you have known but please believe me when I say this, but your treatment is NOT NORMAL, it is NOT YOUR FAULT and the sooner that you find outside help and advice, the better.

    I am amazed that, academically, you have done as well as you have under these conditions and seems to show to me that you have an inner belief and strength which you have probably not recognised yourself. So many young people might just give up in all aspects of their lives but you have shown a determination to succeed in spite of the cruel obstacles placed in your way.

    I would seriously suggest finding someone to talk to. Are you in the UK?
  • FizFiz Deactivated Posts: 44 Boards Initiate
    Thanks so much for sharing your story, reading it made me feel so sad, as it sounds like you have loads going for you and its completely rubbish that anyone is making you feel like you don’t.

    I appreciate it can be difficult to seek out support when you are having a bad time so I think it’s really brave of you to take this step to get advice. Hopefully the posts from lea_uk and Teagan have proved to you that the way your parents are making you feel is not acceptable and it is perfectly understandable that you want to do something to change it.

    You mentioned your sisters, do you have a good relationship with them? I wonder if it could be worth having a chat with them to find out whether they have noticed you being singled out and what they think you should do about it? Perhaps they could even speak to your parents about it with you. You also said that you have plenty of friends who hopefully make you feel happy when you are around them, have you spoken to anyone of them about this? Getting their support might help you feel more confident.

    If you do want to move out, do you have a housing office within your University that can offer you advice about any funds or support you could access in order to help you do this? If not perhaps you can get some advice from Shelter who are experts in this area. It sounds like you feel as if your parents are controlling you financial situation this article how some useful information about escaping financial abuse.

    Finally if you do want to chat through what’s going on in confidence you can always speak to someone at the NSPCC who can contact by email or over the phone and will try to offer you some help. Get Connected is another useful helpline to contact if you do not want your call to show up on a phone bill. Get Connected will put you through the appropriate charity as a free call. You can call them on 0808 808 4994.

    I really hope that things improve for you and whatever happens remember that you have lots going for you and you are worth it.

    Take care,
    Fiz
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You can do it!

    Reading your post made me really sad.* No one deserves to be treated in that way.* As for cutting off contact for a while... Yes, do it.* Don't listen to people who say unhelpful things like 'but he's the only father you'll ever have' and 'family is family' etc.* The people who say such things are usually lucky enough to come from normal loving parents and simply can not fathom what it is like to live in an abusive family situation.* I have never posted on one of these sites before but wanted to tell you as someone who walked out 14 years ago and has never been back it has been well worth it!!* I have cut off all contact with my father completely and have managed to go on to great things. (Well, normal things to most people like being married and having kids seem great when you have been abused emotionally).* A normal day free of abuse would make you happy. Not having to live in fear would make you happy. Be proud of yourself for not giving in. Make your decision that those two people are the ones with the problem, not you. Be proud of yourself everyday, even if it is just for keeping up with your studies as a way of escaping. Good luck! It can be done.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'll hazard a guess and say if you walk away from the pair of them your life will improve ten times over. As everyone has said they are putting you through mental abuse which no person should have to go through.
    If i'm allowed to be rude your parents sound like a pair of nutters and if anything they should be sectioned and definately not you.

    By the way, on the broken bone thing. I've got some very tough hard farmer mates who have broken bones and sobbed over it so i can assure you it does hurt and most of the people who break bones end up on morphine for a reason, because it's extremely painful. Your father is once again talking complete rubbish as part of his mental bullying routine.

    Your parents are control freaks. They did not want you to leave and go to a different uni because they want to control you. They are making sure you cannot cope without them whilst destroying your independance and your self-esteem. I'd imagine they had it done to them somewhere down the line. I'm sorry that you're having to go through this and it is definately not your fault any of this. Your parents are a very poor example of parenting and of human behaviour. The sooner you walk away the better and get control of your life. Otherwise you risk being destroyed fully by them or ending up living with them and looking after them into their old age. Make sure you have hobbies to keep you busy, if they complain and try to stop you doing anything politely tell them you're old enough you'll do what you please. Stand your ground and don't let the bas*ards win. You deserve a shot at life yourself, not through them running it their way. Parents should be loving, proud, supportive etc. If they're not then it's their fault/problem not yours i can assure you.
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