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My love life as of now.... im at sea :(

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    justjames wrote: »
    i wish it wouldnt have to be this way. but it would be gamble if i let go of Girl A prematurely. When would Girl D arrive if at all. i would lose this one source of security for me. and Girl A is happy with me. Should i deny her that?

    Thats the most civil way ive ever heard of justifying playing the field if I ever heard it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    justjames wrote: »
    i wish it wouldnt have to be this way. but it would be gamble if i let go of Girl A prematurely. When would Girl D arrive if at all. i would lose this one source of security for me. and Girl A is happy with me. Should i deny her that?

    No, not necessarily. But if you are going to be with Girl A, she deserves your full attention and commitment. That means giving up on the dream of Girls B, C and D and committing yourself to her.

    By that I don't mean proposing to her or marrying her or anything like that. I'm not even talking about being faithful to her sexually, although of course you should do that.

    What Girl A deserves is to know that psychologically, in your head and your heart, you are committed to her, that you have chosen her and that it is her you want. Not in the short term, not while you wait for someone better to come along, but for the long haul. That you have chosen her, because it is her you want, rather than that you're stuck with her, because the other women have rejected you and you are now biding your time, constantly on the look out for someone better.

    If that is what you keep doing then she'll know, she will sense it. Even if you never tell her that, on some level, she'll pick up on the fact that you heart's not really in it, that you're constantly looking for a get out, someone to come along and rescue you.

    I'm not saying there's necessarily anything wrong with 'settling' for someone who loves you and you love, but not in the most intense and passionate way, if you make each other happy and are supportive of each other and are both content. But having made that decision to settle, you have to be wholehearted about it, be psychologically committed, give it your all rather than only a part of yourself. Girl A deserves to feel that you have freely chosen her and want to be with her. If you can't do that, because you're just not happy enough with her and are constantly on the lookout for the person you think will be your salvation, then leave her alone. She deserves to be loved completely and wholeheartedly.
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