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Back together again.....

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I recently got back together with my Ex BF.

We are going about it a bit different this time around though and I wanted to get some input and perspective on this.

A little background.....First off we first met almost a year ago on line, we talked, dated and became exclusive a few months into the relationship. The relationship ended twice. The last time I ended it and told him it was permanent. Well honestly I never stopped thinking about him, I tried dating another guy and was not attracted to him at all, after 4 dates this guy failed to call at a pre-arranged time and we had planned to go out that evening, honestly I couldn't have cared less. He's tried to contact me since but I told him I am back with my ex. Anyway my Ex & I have remained friends throughout the break up (although I did not see or talk to him for about a Month as I thought it would help me get over him...yeah right I never did) Then just after the second guy failed to call I was leaving on a 5 day trip with no internet access, while I was away me and my Ex talked on the phone a few times, I missed him so much even though it was just talking on Facebook everyday....well one thing led to another and as soon as I returned that night we met for a casual dinner, then a walk and since then we have decided to try again.

This time we are trying to be together but not exclusive as far as meeting and dating other people, part of it is because I have not had many relationships (and none as serious as this one) and we need to figure out if this is for the long haul or not. He told me he cares for me a lot and it is huge to be in a relationship with someone he does care so much about. He really has nothing to offer except his kindness and love, he is not rich (neither am I) , is on disability and although I work full time I barely make my own payments and stuff...so financially we are doomed! The night we got back together we talked at great length and we both have agreed to dating others for now but if either of us becomes sexual with any other partner at all we have to discuss that if and when that comes about. I must say I trust him, he's always been honest, otherwise there is no way I would agree to any of this.....Still it bothers me a bit even though I know he isn't dating anyone else right now and heck I don't really care to see anyone except him.

How the heck do you really know if you are in love with a person? He is the first one I think of when I wake up in the morning and the last one I think about when I drift off to sleep. Heck I think about him all the time and that didn't change even when we were apart. I think he feels the same way too.....

Have others had this sort of a relationship and have things worked for the best or what? I am really afraid that one of us will get hurt soo badly.....I don't want it to be him or me.....I have told him that.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Similar ish relationship, we split up, but then still <3ed each other, so spent most of our time together, even though we said if the other wanted to date someone else it was ok. Long story, I thought some day we would move in, get married, the whole package - she met someone else and seeing me was no longer high on the priority list. I was heartbroken.

    So it didn't work for the best, and I did get hurt pretty badly, but tbh even when things weren't well defined when I could have been moving on, all the times we went on holiday together are still treasured memories.

    I think it is better to either be defined as going out exclusively or not going out at all, unless you both feel very much that monogomy isnt important to you. Otherwise one or both of you most likely will end up hurt when the other meets some new person.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ShyBoy wrote: »
    Similar ish relationship, we split up, but then still <3ed each other, so spent most of our time together, even though we said if the other wanted to date someone else it was ok. Long story, I thought some day we would move in, get married, the whole package - she met someone else and seeing me was no longer high on the priority list. I was heartbroken.

    So it didn't work for the best, and I did get hurt pretty badly, but tbh even when things weren't well defined when I could have been moving on, all the times we went on holiday together are still treasured memories.

    I think it is better to either be defined as going out exclusively or not going out at all, unless you both feel very much that monogomy isnt important to you. Otherwise one or both of you most likely will end up hurt when the other meets some new person.

    Thanks ShyBoy and I am so sorry you were hurt. I just don't know what to do....I don't want to end a great relationship at this time yet I know I am unlikely to date anyone else and could be setting myself up to be hurt really badly in the future.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If it works for you I think that would be great.

    But it seems to be that you or he kinda wants to meet someone else, but in the meantime you don't want to be alone. So you are half-in, saying if you do meet someone else you will 'see how it goes'.

    Even if you say you probably wont date anyone else (me and the 'ex' said exactly that), one of you undoubtedly will meet someone you fancy at a bar, and say you're single, and hey, from then on its the whole "Hey, I'm sorry... I've met someone new."

    Either you are going out, care about each other so you don't want to go out with other people - or you are not going out, and are looking to go out with other people (or just have some time out). I think unless you are a person who has absolutely no qualms about monogamy etc. (and your partner is similar) then eventually it may lead to a messy situation :/
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