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History repeating?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
This post is on behalf of 2 other people. One is my boyfriend and the other is for someone I have never met. This may take a while but I would be greatful to anyone who spends a few minuites reading it.

Over 3 years ago I met my boyfriend and fell in love. We have been together ever since and he is my soul mate. I am lucky enough to have had a happy and rather comfortable upbringing. My boyfriend was not so lucky.

At the age of about 15 his mother whom he is VERY close to had cancer. Fortunately she survived but the ordeal took its tole on the family. When they found out she was in remission a little while later his sister was diagnosed with MS, she was only 18 at the time.

The combination of these two events devestated my boyfriend. He would go to bed at night to the sound of his sister crying herself to sleep. Unsurprisingly he regularly stayed at the house of a friend in a nearby town.

This friend was an older woman, the mother of a friend of his from a club that he belonged and still belongs to. He ADDORED her and in all honesty I have always been envious of the MASSIVE influence that she clearly had on him. I once asked if there was ever anything sexual between them which he denies but I think I may never know for sure. I am certain that he loved her.

I talk of this woman in the past tense because she has been dead for maybe 5 or even six years. She was a recovering heroin addict that had managed to be clean for almost a year. But after hearing that her two daughters were to be adopted she OD'd and my boyfriend and her youngest son (who was 15 at the time) were in the house when it happened.

Since then my boyfriend has been in regular contact with the two boys who are now 19 and 20 respectively. Both of them in all honesty are a mess. The eldest doesn't know who his dad is, he is unemployed and currently on anti depressants and has a fear of leaving the house.

But it is the younger one that is of more immediate concern. He currently lives alone and drinks a lot and takes copious amounts of drugs. He is addicted to tramodol and opiates. It is only a matter of time untill he slips even further down this VERY slippery slope. I have never met him and at the moment I am living a LONG way from both of them.

I know that my boyfriend feels a responsibility to his mum to look out for these two boys and he thinks of the youngest inparticular like a brother. Seeing him in this state makes him very sad.

Until a while ago this boy was doing ok, he had an apprentiship but this felll through because of the recession and since then things have gotten much worse. He has an appointment tomorrow with a drugs councellor and a doctor but I worry that it is only a matter of time until he ends up taking heroin like his mum.

I would just like to help him and have no idea how. I have thought about sending him a letter,

Any advice?

Thanks x


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi quirky,

    It sounds like there's a lot going on here - not only do you want to support this guy, but also your boyfriend in the responsibility he feels for him. Remember that feeling this sort of responsibility can be really emotionally draining so make sure you look after yourself as well - and keep on communicating with your boyfriend (it sounds like you have a supportive relationship which is great :) ).

    You and your boyfriend might find it helpful to have a look at this link on dealing with someone else's drug or alcohol problem. It has some good links to charities and helplines where you can get more information as well as helplines where you can talk through your worries and get some emotional support if need be.

    It's worth also bearing in mind that there is only so much you can do, he will need to take some responsibility for himself as well. You and your boyfriends role might be mainly to let him know that you are there if he needs you and to support and reassure him if he wants to take steps to help himself. How did the appointments with the drug counsellor and the doctor go? This might be a good way of letting him know you are both there for him, just getting in touch to ask him how it went and let him know you care about him.

    It's worth remembering that if the appointments didn't go as he had hoped, he could always try a different doctor or counsellor - doctors and counsellors are all different and different people get on better with different ones. You can search on Addaction's site for support centres and clinics local to him. If you find something local to him, you could even give them a call or email yourself, explain the situation and see what they suggest, given their local knowledge.

    Hope this has given you some thoughts and pointers, keep posting and let us know how you get on. Best of luck and remember to look after yourself too :)
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