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your advice is needed....
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
YOUR ADIVCE IS NEEDED..... So let me just say I have for the most part a wonderful boyfriend but, one thing that BOTHERS ME TO PIECES is the fact that he has A LOT of female friends...
I don't know how to get over it or how to not let it bother me.. it just does. I'm not trying to be jealous or what not but, he's always talking about them and they're always leaving comments on his myspace like ' I miss you' and ' we need to chill soon' UGH! His mom told me that she taught him to be social and accept male or female.. which is fine but, REALLY?! does he have to talk about them all the time?
IDK I've talked to him about it and he told me that he 'doesn't know what to tell me, i'm not going to stop talking to my friends just coz I have a GF' which is understandable, he's had these friends for years...He told me that he feels 'trapped' and I told him you can date whoever you want it doesn't have to be me, and he said ' you're the only person I wanna date, and I see you in my life forever' but, because he's had some of these friends as hook-ups or that he was interested in.. I DON'T TRUST HIM! IDK what to do because he's in love with me and I feel the same but, more in a guarded sense...
I don't know how to get over it or how to not let it bother me.. it just does. I'm not trying to be jealous or what not but, he's always talking about them and they're always leaving comments on his myspace like ' I miss you' and ' we need to chill soon' UGH! His mom told me that she taught him to be social and accept male or female.. which is fine but, REALLY?! does he have to talk about them all the time?
IDK I've talked to him about it and he told me that he 'doesn't know what to tell me, i'm not going to stop talking to my friends just coz I have a GF' which is understandable, he's had these friends for years...He told me that he feels 'trapped' and I told him you can date whoever you want it doesn't have to be me, and he said ' you're the only person I wanna date, and I see you in my life forever' but, because he's had some of these friends as hook-ups or that he was interested in.. I DON'T TRUST HIM! IDK what to do because he's in love with me and I feel the same but, more in a guarded sense...
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Comments
He has said he sees you in his life forever; that's a pretty committed statement. So try this on for size; and absolutely correct me if I'm wrong:
I don't think you believe him when says he sees you in his life forever, and that's not because you don't trust him, but because you don't believe you're worth a statement like that. You don't think you're good enough for him to be surrounded by women and still only have eyes for you.
I say this because I've had several friends in your situation, and when we've got down to the truth of it, it's because they're terrified of not being enough for their partners. Their boyfriends were utterly devoted to them, because they were incredible young women, but they couldn't see that. So they saw a threat in every woman that got close to their partners.
You're also (and I say this with the best intentions) quite seriously disrespecting your boyfriend by doubting him. You can't think much of your boyfriend if you don't trust him, and it must hurt for him to hear that.
Work on your own self esteem, and I bet your concerns will melt away......
Surely if he is talking to you about them, thern he doesn't have anything to hide? I mean, if I was cheating with a friend of mine, I would do whatever I can to hide it.
Just because he/his friends have said things such as "we need to chill soon", I think it doesn't mean anything. A friend of mine pretty much (because of a comment I made) said something about having met me the previous afternoon. However, there is nothing going on between us at all - whilst we are quite close, there's nothing more to it.
I honestly don't understand how you can say "I don't trust him" & "I love him". To me, you can't have one without the other.