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your advice is needed....

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
YOUR ADIVCE IS NEEDED..... So let me just say I have for the most part a wonderful boyfriend but, one thing that BOTHERS ME TO PIECES is the fact that he has A LOT of female friends...
I don't know how to get over it or how to not let it bother me.. it just does. I'm not trying to be jealous or what not but, he's always talking about them and they're always leaving comments on his myspace like ' I miss you' and ' we need to chill soon' UGH! His mom told me that she taught him to be social and accept male or female.. which is fine but, REALLY?! does he have to talk about them all the time?
IDK I've talked to him about it and he told me that he 'doesn't know what to tell me, i'm not going to stop talking to my friends just coz I have a GF' which is understandable, he's had these friends for years...He told me that he feels 'trapped' and I told him you can date whoever you want it doesn't have to be me, and he said ' you're the only person I wanna date, and I see you in my life forever' but, because he's had some of these friends as hook-ups or that he was interested in.. I DON'T TRUST HIM! IDK what to do because he's in love with me and I feel the same but, more in a guarded sense...

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You need to find yourself someone who is less sociable.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry to say it, but you cannot be truly "in love" with this person, if you don't trust them and are "guarded" about the relationship. They say that love is blind, and it is. True love doesn't come along too often either. What most people feel is a mixture of lust and affection, which really isn't enough to sustain a relationship in the long term, as the partner's faults gradually erode any fondness one might have felt for them. I think this is what has happened to you. You have simply seen through the gift wrapping. Time to move on.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It doesn't sound like he's given you a reason not to trust him, so overthehill could be right. My ex had a lot of female friends and I'm friends with most of them now. It does have a lot of advantages, my ex's friends used to explain my perspective to him after arguments and help him choose birthday presents and stuff. If he's been friends with them for years he's not going to do anything to ruin it. In my opnion the fact that feels trapped is an issue, but having female friends really isn't. You should try talking to some of them, in my experience female friends, or your boyfriends ex, are the best people to talk to because they know him but will understand your perspective.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    karchib, in my experience jealousy usually arises when someone has low self-esteem. Your boyfriend has, from what you've said, been very honest with you, and been very respectful by being so straight about the situation. He does have every right to have female friends, and as the others have said, female friends can be a total godsend when you need to discuss your boyfriend with someone who really knows him.

    He has said he sees you in his life forever; that's a pretty committed statement. So try this on for size; and absolutely correct me if I'm wrong:

    I don't think you believe him when says he sees you in his life forever, and that's not because you don't trust him, but because you don't believe you're worth a statement like that. You don't think you're good enough for him to be surrounded by women and still only have eyes for you.

    I say this because I've had several friends in your situation, and when we've got down to the truth of it, it's because they're terrified of not being enough for their partners. Their boyfriends were utterly devoted to them, because they were incredible young women, but they couldn't see that. So they saw a threat in every woman that got close to their partners.

    You're also (and I say this with the best intentions) quite seriously disrespecting your boyfriend by doubting him. You can't think much of your boyfriend if you don't trust him, and it must hurt for him to hear that.

    Work on your own self esteem, and I bet your concerns will melt away......
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just because he was interested in them; doesn't mean he is now.

    Surely if he is talking to you about them, thern he doesn't have anything to hide? I mean, if I was cheating with a friend of mine, I would do whatever I can to hide it.

    Just because he/his friends have said things such as "we need to chill soon", I think it doesn't mean anything. A friend of mine pretty much (because of a comment I made) said something about having met me the previous afternoon. However, there is nothing going on between us at all - whilst we are quite close, there's nothing more to it.

    I honestly don't understand how you can say "I don't trust him" & "I love him". To me, you can't have one without the other.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A relationship is doomed if one person is jealous over the goings on if it involves myspace, everyone knows facebook is far superior a social networking site.
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