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My ex playing games? Or what?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey,

Well quick flashback: girl I was on break with but 'together' with in the sense we spent every moment together etc., got with someone else, I hurt, up and down emotionally, then finally got tired of putting up with the "I want to be friends" routine and cut contact.

Anyway, last week she messaged me on facebook, friendly as can be, saying "Hey Rich :) me and mum have you got your christmas presents here, let me know when a good time to bring them round is! x". I began trembling with.. I don't know, anxiety I guess. I phoned her on the spot and asked what she was playing at, she played the stupid card "oh i thought we were friends i get all my friends presents i dont mind that you havent got me one" and so anyway, ended up having a 1hr20 argument / convo where she said shed bring presents round and say hello, in which I felt better immediately afterwards for some reason, but inevitibly left me feeling confused and a bit upset about where we stood... all over again.

Her mum popped round this morning, she didn't even bother coming, dropped off the bits, there was a card for me and it just says "All the best, x". Why does she get off on playing me around, one minute happy to maintain the break between us, then wanting to play best friends, then giving me a card that is as generic and unfeeling as the cards I get from random work colleagues who only know my name.

So now I feel a bit shit to be honest, and I don't even know if she cares, and why does she keep doing this to me? I guess the best thing to do now is carry on where I left off.. and try to ignore her a bit more? Her mum said she knows whats going on but still wants to see me, so thats even more weird.

The gist of the conversation the other day wasn't that she didn't care about me or whatever, but more she has re-evaluated her priorities and putting herself, and her wants, and her course is more important now than me. Which is absolutely fair enough of course, but I thought that would always be the case even -in- a relationship (even if we werent in an official relationship) and so she's just trying to put a nice mask onto this ugly situation.

Ugh. I couldn't sleep last night because of the conversation and stuff, and I was just trembling with anxiety I guess. In the end it was ok, because I started imagining going underwear shopping with my friend L :p so all the green shoots of recovery are there! I just feel like I can't get my ex out my head, and when I do, she does the worst thing to rub my face into it again like rubbing salt into a wound. She could have a) sent a heartfelt card of christmas greetings with perhaps a hint of regret that things are not good between us or b) not bothered at all. Sending such a generic card just made me feel like I was just another random on her xmas list along with great-auntie bessie who she never sees (for example).

*deep breaths*

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Get a tape recording of Anne Robinson saying "You're the weakest link, goodbye", dial your ex's number then play the recording down the phone line.

    And / or

    Send her a message over Facebook / email with the following title "...and the survey says", and attach this picture:

    bygraves_duhduhh.jpg

    Shyboy, you deserve the last laugh :-)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds to me like she just wants to know how terribly you're pining over her. It's an ego thing.

    If it were me, I'd drop contact, and if she contacts you, just make out like you're over her and doing fine.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I guess you guys are right. So you reckon I should trash the xmas card I was going to give her (Just saying, even if things aren't great between us, I wanted to wish you seasons greetings and a happy new year)... and just resume normal service of ignoring her? It was working well too. Part of me wonders whether it is just a power play of hers like Olive suggests to get me to pine over her.

    But she should realise that it's someone's real feelings she is playing with :s
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Some girls are great at playing games.

    She's proven that she doesn't really care, not when it boils down to it. Maybe she contacts you when she's feeling insecure and needs an ego boost. I suspect she may have been using you like that for a while now.

    Don't send the card, you really do need to drop contact this is fucking with your head big time.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do NOT send the card.

    If you're cutting her out, do it properly, that is, no contact whatsoever. Silence. Pretend that she's dead.

    Otherwise, you'll never get over this properly.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yea, I had dropped contact, then it was the other day she contacted me out of the blue saying she and her family had bought me presents and so I felt a bit guilty so bought a card and was going to say something sincere but not soppy (like what I said above), because I don't wish her ill afterall. You're right it's messing with my head and I shouldn't be obsessing over it tbh, spent good time with friends and they don't mess me about.

    I don't know what changed in her mind to make her change from someone so sensitive to someone so callous overnight. Perhaps it's deliberate to help me 'move on' but if that was the case why make contact and buy me xmas presents? Why not just say to her family she wants me to move on and so shes not getting me ought for xmas? I think she wants to pretend to her family that she's not done anything wrong, and that everything is fantastic.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd still go for Family Feud or Weakest Link. You need to get the last laugh, and I wasn't joking with my gameshow references further up this thread.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jaloux wrote: »
    SDon't send the card, you really do need to drop contact this is fucking with your head big time.

    This. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks guys. You're all absolutely right.

    Something of a realisation came to me today. In this, I've had my heart broken, and I've been up, down, left, right. I think that much has been clear. But to be honest, I'm moving on aren't I? I'm under no false illusion that it's a 24 hour change, but I am. I'm talking to other girls, pursuing other interests, doing my own thing with my life.

    Consistently it seems to be her changing the tune. Maybe it's not game playing, but maybe she is just messed up in herself - maybe she is not sure whether I'm her best friend, or just a mate, or someone she doesn't want to talk to.

    So in that sense, I felt kind of good, that I had a bit of power back, because maybe all this messing around that I'm going through isn't because I'm completely messed up... but because she is?

    With that in mind it seems much easier to smile, bow graciously and bid farewell without having a hissy fit about what she said or did or whatever. Of course, I just need to keep carrying on pursuing my own goals. :)

    Thanks guys. Always in times of crisis ;).
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