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I feel like she's playing games, but how do I get her away?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok... Long post alert (long by my standards!).

I met this woman, we got along and I developed a crush on her. So over the period of a month, we hung out a few times, my crush grew because lets face it, she's pretty and clever. I enjoy flirting with her...

This was in July/August...

In September, she gets back with a girlfriend and everything changes. I have a hard time with stress at home and one night I cancel meeting her at a bar. A few days later I have a horrible experience with work and I have to be out of the house and meet her in a group of people...

She goes distant with me... I ask her why and she sends me a massive Facebook message saying "I think you're really caring, but you are scatty, I don't do things that way. I think you lie to me. You're forgetful" ect ect

I mean wtf... This was like she was breaking up with a girlfriend, I hardly know her really...

So I stop talking to her for a while and she posts a couple of messages on facebook I view as provocative, but I ignore her... Then out of the blue, she decides she wants to be friends with my best friend. She invites my best friend places without me and the places I used to go with her, she asks my best mate if she will ask me to go along maybe.

This annoys me as my best mate was saying before how this woman always ignored her. My best friend, no offense to her can be naive and ends up with people taking advantage of her...

Anyway, this girl (the lesbian) and I talk on msn. I said that let's just accept that we don't communicate well and leave it. She says she is annoyed our friendship isn't working and wants to work on the communication...

But I don't understand because we hardly talked over the past two months...:confused: And it's not like we're a couple of long term friends. I still try to be nice and then avoid her like I have been doing... Oh and she's single by this time (or says she is). She also admits she had a crush on me too.

So one night my best mate has a family issue and cancels on her. I txt her asking why my friend cancelled (we live together) as I am concerned and get back from therapy asap to let her in as I thought she had travelled. I try to call her and she txts me saying she doesn't want to talk as she will say things to me she will regret.

Then her facebook status says something along the lines of "you fucked up people keep your shit out of my life, I am trying to be nice but now I have had enough"

I thought this was aimed at me or my flatmate and I cut her off... I have blocked her on msn and facebook because I am sick of her. I speak to a mutual friend who said she thinks we had a fall out... I said that I thought the message was aimed at my friend and that this woman and I don't get along.

Now obviously the mutual friend spoke to the trouble girl because she's texting my best friend saying how sorry she is and saying that the message wasn't aimed at her and can she come over to our house and watch films...

HELL NO

I found out they met up and she was talking to my best friend, saying to tell me that the message wasn't aimed at me, but she doesn't want a close friendship

BUT WE NEVER HAD A CLOSE FRIENDSHIP...

(Told you it was long)

So I want this woman out of my life... I think she's playing games. Am I right?

I half think that her trying to be close to my best friend may have a motive, but I would need proof...

I kinda think she might want me to grovel to her and chase her...

But the fact is, it is always me with the problem, or lack of communication according to her. I feel like she puts herself on a pedastool as a prize to be won...

Should I tell her that I never saw her as anything special and never wanted a close relationship? She seems to have deluded herself to the opposite idea...

I just don't want to see her or hear of her ever again...

How can I do this without it disrupting my best friend or circle of friends?

Really... I mean really... Is this a misunderstanding or does anybody else think that she's playing a game or something?

Or am I completely cold hearted.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey,

    Hmmm tough situation, Her getting close to your friend could be a mixture of things, It could be her trying to get close to you through your friend, she might think if she gets close to your friend you'll have to be friends,

    It's weird she seems (from what you said) to be hot and cold with you, a lot of it makes me think she wants you but then it seems she has some problems with herself, for example she thinks you had a close relationship and it was ruined, this makes me thinks she is quite clingy and she has clung to you. Sounds to me and I could be way off that she wants you?

    To be I do not think she has done anything to purposly hurt you but I would like to say for sure

    I think she could potentially really like you and is having a hard time showing it.


    Anyway to get rid of her I'd suggest maybe just telling her straight you want nothing to do with her, She is playing games with you but I think this could be because she has a problem telling you how she feels, ASK her straight out how she feels? does she like you? want you? etc etc etc... I think that is the best way to clear it up.

    Do you want to be friends with her? a R'ship with her? or anything to do with her?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    She sounds totally and utterly barmy with such a massive oveflated sense of importance that shes come straight out the other side into low self esteem. The fact that she told you both to go to hell after a family problem is nothing short of disturbing.
    Personally I would tell her straight that you are tired of trying with her, that all you tried to do was be friendly and if she is incapable of being nice back without finding some drama and exploding at you for doing nothing then you arent gonna bother with her.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wouldn't cut ties right away. If she wants another chance with you, I would give her that chance but make it her final chance. If she continues to act inconsistent then consider it game over.

    Facebook and Facebook 'status' is overrated imho.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hellfire wrote: »
    Do you want to be friends with her? a R'ship with her? or anything to do with her?

    I want NOTHING to do with her... She has this idea I want to be close, but when I try to get out of 'working' on friendship, she calls me negative.

    I don't think she likes me... My best friend has said she doesn't want to be close to me, but I never even suggested wanting to be close to her anyway. I am a very friendly and quite an affectionate person, but I am just as friendly with everyone. Granted, I was flirty with her, but that is it.

    I just have felt uncomfortable with her for a while... I don't really trust her intentions. That and tbh, I really cannot be bothered right now... I have a lot going on in my life and don't need drama from anyone.

    I doubt she likes me now Hellfire... She knows she missed a chance with me, that I like her too and said she's even more annoyed that our friendship isn't working, but tbh I have had enough. I like my friendships simple, straightforward and playful... Probably not what she is looking for.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Update:

    She messaged me saying how shit her life is going and she's sorry she hurt me. She then asked me to hang out...

    I made excuses... I just don't want drama...

    Then yesterday, she messaged my best friend asking if she can come and stay for a few days :rolleyes: She didn't even bother asking me and we live together... It's not like she hasn't got other places to stay closer to her work either.

    Wtf

    I am basically saying no, as I think my best mate will be moved out by then and the other guy will be home for Christmas... I don't want to be in the house alone with her, why would she think that appropriate? :confused:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Woah that girls crazy!

    Sounds a bit to me like she is trying to mess with your head because maybe she knew you never wanted her but is trying to get you to.
    Maybe she's the kind of girl who is used to getting everything she wants and having people chase her and she wanted you to do the same.

    My only advice would be to cut her out and warn your friends, speaking to her or warning her off will only show her that she is getting to you which is what she probly wants!!

    Good Luck

    XxX
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    msrs5rg3 wrote: »
    Woah that girls crazy!

    Sounds a bit to me like she is trying to mess with your head because maybe she knew you never wanted her but is trying to get you to.
    Maybe she's the kind of girl who is used to getting everything she wants and having people chase her and she wanted you to do the same.

    My only advice would be to cut her out and warn your friends, speaking to her or warning her off will only show her that she is getting to you which is what she probly wants!!

    Good Luck

    XxX
    I did want her at one point, but now not at all...

    I have basically told her in a nice way, that I don't really want her to come over and that I don't think we should hang out for 'a while' (meaning permanent for me).

    She hasn't replied, so all is good. However, we're going to an event tomorrow and I hope we don't bump in to each other.
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