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How do people deal with inconsiderate housemates?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
Urgh.:(

There's 6 people (including myself) living in one of the uni flats. 2, we never see, me and 3 others. I get on ok with the other 3, but am having serious problems with them and was wondering how to deal with them:

- someone keeps going through my cupboard (the unlocked one; we also have a locked one) and taking my cups and my sharp knife. He never asks and just leaves them on the side after he's finished with them and never washes them up. I mentioned it and got told to "get over it" and "you sure it wasn't you that left it out?" Er, yes I am. They also think what he's doing is fine.:yeees:

- I'm the only one who washes up after themselves and puts their dishes away after them. Yesterday, I couldn't wash up proplery because someone had left their dirty dishes in the sink and loads of clean ones on the drainer.

- They always have people around. I have no problem with this; but they're so noisy. I could hear them on Thursday night with earplugs in, the kitchen door shut and my door shut. This is not uncommon. Ironically, one of the girls who always has people around was whinging because she can't study because of the noise.:rolleyes:

And they think it's ok to ask ridiculously personal questions - I have a skin problem right now and someone decided to ask (in front of their friends) if I'd changed my washing powder. What the fuck?

I would love to move out into where a friend is staying; but that's not going to happen now. (he's the only student who lives there and says that he can study during the week; as they're all working)
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't think there is any way to deal with them. Can you get a lock for your cupboard? I hated living in halls..people live so differently and it often seems to cause problems.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah, living in halls is often hard when you've got inconsiderate housemates.

    you could always go and see the accommodation people and ask if there is anywhere else you could move to, if there are any spare rooms etc. but even then, you might end up living with people who are even more inconsiderate.

    it's hard, i mean you can keep asking them about the washing up etc but i doubt they'll change. some people suggest having a washing up bowl per person so you can each put your own washing in your own bowl and if you dont want to do it, it sits there and doesnt get in other peoples way.

    and i guess you can start keeping your plates, knives etc in your room if it gets too bad but it's not ideal.

    as for the noise - the only thing you can do is ask. hopefully some of them will be a bit more understanding.

    it'll be better next year when you can choose your housemates. doesnt help now, i know. maybe try spending as much as you can at your friends houses?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katchika wrote: »
    I don't think there is any way to deal with them. Can you get a lock for your cupboard? I hated living in halls..people live so differently and it often seems to cause problems.

    No I can't. I already have one locked cupboard, which contains food.
    as for the noise - the only thing you can do is ask. hopefully some of them will be a bit more understanding.

    This was discussed last night. One of them has decided that it's ok to make as much noise as she wants from 0800 - 2300. Because, that's what it supposedly says in one of the letters we were given.:rolleyes: It says we have to keep our noise down between those times; but we also have to be considerate to others if they might be studying or sleeping after 8am and before 11pm.

    They also decided that they can slam their doors as adn when they wish. They claim "we can't help it; they're fire doors". When I said I don't have this problem, they said "well, that's because you close it slowly and hold on to it when you close it".

    They are now refusing to talk to me.:yeees:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Keep non spoilable food and crockery in your study room. Try to make an effort to get on with your housemates, just so the rest of the year is bearable. I found myself despairing and the only way forward really was a bit of time on my own, regroup, and pretend the things that had annoyed me hadn't happened and taking a positive action to try to talk to them and so on.

    In the end I made no lasting friends from it, but I managed to live there for the year and didn't go insane. After that when I got ot move in with people I chose things were much better (although obviously still the caveat of 'the lazy one' and so on :P but you will get that in any group larger than 3 that people will let others do the chores / cleaning / cooking / whatever, because they can.).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Some people can deal with joint living, some people can't, it sounds like you fall into the second camp imo. The problems you've listed don't exactly sound very big but it does sound like you're blowing them up in conversations with your housemates.
    I lived in a flat with 13 others last year (much like halls) and sure there were problems but there are ways of dealing with them. There was food stealing, cutlery stealing (well, people using and not washing) mess left everywhere and not tidied up etc..pretty much a lot of the same sort of thing you've mentioned, in the end we all agreed to keep all of our stuff in our own rooms and every couple of weeks had a mass flat clean as a group. It wasnt ideal but it kept the peace and we all got along just fine.

    As for the banging doors between 8am and 11pm - are you really that bothered by this or is it just something else to complain about, making your housemates sound like they're horrible people? Youre a student! Relax a bit.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    icey wrote: »
    As for the banging doors between 8am and 11pm - are you really that bothered by this or is it just something else to complain about, making your housemates sound like they're horrible people? Youre a student! Relax a bit.

    It really is that much of a problem, yes, especially when sleeping or studying. I can even hear them (my hearing isn't that good) with ear plugs in. One of them has mentioned it too - and she's one of the people who does it.:yeees:
    every couple of weeks had a mass flat clean as a group.

    This was preety much esuggested last night; but everyone apart from me, only cleans up when they can be bothered. And it won't last long either.

    A note was written a few weeks ago asking people to clean up when they've finished - that lasted 5 minutes.:yeees: (I'm the only one who will wash up after they've finished)

    Some of my cutlery is in my room; but only because I don't require it and do have a cup in there too.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Reread your list and have a look at the things that are actually a problem.

    Shared living requires a lot of give and take and compromise.

    Letting doors swing shut isn't unreasonable, actively slamming them in the middle of the night may be, but just leaving them to shut on the closer is perfectly fair behaviour. If it's a problem for more than one of you then go and talk to the accomodation office and get them to adjust the closers so they shut more gently.

    If your sharp knife is getting used and left out, then keep it in your locked food cupboard. You should be able to get a knife in there pretty easily.

    Washing up wise, again you'll probably need to learn to let that one lie. Only thing you can really do is try and get people to not leave their stuff in the sink. If that doesn't work get a cheap washing up bowl and keep it in the sink, that way if people leave stuff in it and you want to wash up you can just lift the bowl out and use the sink.

    Noise and friends round late at night isn't fair, and shouldn't be happening, but if your housemates feel you're whining about everything then you won't get far with the complaints that matter. A trick that can work is a phone call down to the accomodation office or warden about the noise, they won't know its from you, it could be one of the neighboroughing flats.

    As for ridiculously personal questions, asking if you've changed your washing powder if you've got a skin problem to me would be an act of concern and looking out for a flat mate. A change of laundry powder is often the explanation for skin rash. The person probably thought they were being nice and helpful.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If it's too noisy to study in halls, try using the library, or other study rooms.Perhaps you shouldn't have to move out of your room to study but, if you get more done that way it might be better to just get on with it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katralla wrote: »
    If it's too noisy to study in halls, try using the library, or other study rooms.Perhaps you shouldn't have to move out of your room to study but, if you get more done that way it might be better to just get on with it.
    Yup. That's what the library is there for, especially during the day. I agree that them being loud can be really disruptive, but at the end of the day, unless you have to be up at a ridiculous hour (like I do atm, I'm glad now I didn't apply to McD's last year when I was still in halls) then it's not massively unreasonable of them to make noise if they're stopping at 11pm. I like to be in bed fairly early as well, but I would only get annoyed if they were still making noise at like 1 or 2 am.

    Saying that, if you REALLY can't deal with it, then speaking to the halls people to ask if you can be moved is an option.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A trick that can work is a phone call down to the accomodation office or warden about the noise, they won't know its from you, it could be one of the neighboroughing flats.

    The neighbours have complaiedn adn were told to keep our noise down between 8am and 11pm.
    If it's too noisy to study in halls, try using the library,

    I've tried doing this; but the library shuts at 8pm and don't want to walk home when it's pitch black. And I would end up spening almost an hour walking there and back; which I could use for studying.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    I've tried doing this; but the library shuts at 8pm and don't want to walk home when it's pitch black. And I would end up spening almost an hour walking there and back; which I could use for studying.

    How about staying on at uni after your lectures/classes and getting the bulk of your work done then, then there's no difference in the travel times as you'd be doing it anyway. It's also a good habit to get into as it helps you keep a routine and working consistently rather than cramming for deadlines.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How about staying on at uni after your lectures/classes and getting the bulk of your work done then, then there's no difference in the travel times as you'd be doing it anyway. It's also a good habit to get into as it helps you keep a routine and working consistently rather than cramming for deadlines.
    :yes:.

    Means you are less likely to get distracted by the lure of the internet too. Well...unless you're me, but *shrug*.

    Plus, if you're really that worried about an hour walking to/from the library, then what are you doing on here so often ;). Doing, say, 4 hours of good studying in the library will be better than doing 5 hours of disrupted studying, dont you think?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How about staying on at uni after your lectures/classes and getting the bulk of your work done then, then there's no difference in the travel times as you'd be doing it anyway. It's also a good habit to get into as it helps you keep a routine and working consistently rather than cramming for deadlines.

    I have 2 days where I finsh at 6.30pm, so that's a no-no.

    Spoke to them last night, the stuff with mess is sorted-ish (need to talk to the guy who always leaves dirty dishes ont eh drainer) but the noise issue isn't. Someone really needs to check their contract - they're saying "making noise at 8pm is fine" - er, well it's not late but some of us have work to do.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    I have 2 days where I finsh at 6.30pm, so that's a no-no.

    What about the other three days, and weekends? Are there no times when the noisy people are out of the flat (e.g. I found that most people went home or were out and about at weekends) that you could schedule in getting work done?

    There may be no way to solve the noise issue, since what one person classes as noisy another may think is perfectly acceptable. Unfortunately halls are an incredibly noisy environment and you are likely to have this problem in some form or another the whole of the time you're living in them. Therefore you do have to find ways of either ignoring it or going elsewhere. Is there no one else you can walk back from the library with in the evening?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i dont think it's *that* unreasonable to be noisy at 8pm. i know you have work you want to do but at the same time, they should be able to have people over etc. exactly how noisy are they? i realise when people come in from a night out at 3am they can be very noisy, but at 8pm? surely it's just raised voices and stuff? couldnt you put music on or something?

    when i was in halls a few years ago, our contract said something like they expected us to be quiet between 11pm and 7am but it rarely happened. people are going to go out, get drunk, come in and make a noise. it's not nice but it's what happens at uni.

    if you can't get work done in the evenings because of the noise, you'll have to try and do more during the day. i imagine you'll have quite a few breaks and free hours you can either go to the library or study at home? or what about during the days at weekends? it must be a bit quieter then which would give you time to do some work.

    or could you stay late at the library and get a bus or a taxi back instead of walking? i know it'll cost you more but if you really need to do it, you'll have to factor that cost it.

    or.. could you go to another flat in your building in the evenings and do work there? when i was in halls there were 3 flats on our floor and one of them was quieter and it was never a problem to go and sit in their kitchen and read or whatever.
    all you can do is keep asking them
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    FireFly85 wrote: »
    What about the other three days, and weekends? Are there no times when the noisy people are out of the flat (e.g. I found that most people went home or were out and about at weekends) that you could schedule in getting work done?

    No; because I have other things I need to do and no-one goes home at weekends.
    Is there no one else you can walk back from the library with in the evening?

    No. All the people I've spoke to on my course live elsewhere. (ie, the opposite direction)
    exactly how noisy are they?

    They scream and shout basically. Last week, I heard them with earplugs in and I wasn't that close to where they were. Some of the people they have around are loud too. (I have no problems with them having people around - one of the girls if she has her boyfriend around, they're quiet)
    i imagine you'll have quite a few breaks and free hours you can either go to the library or study at home?

    Most of the breaks are only half an hour; so can't do much.
    What about the other three days, and weekends?

    I have 2 days off and the other day I finish at 4pm - after Christmas, this will be 5pm.:( The other days, I have things to do such as tidying up, washing, shopping, etc. And I talk to my parents most Sundays. (they call whenever)
    are going to go out, get drunk, come in and make a noise.

    Apart from the first time they went out (freshers' week) I've never heard come in from a night out. Only heard them the first time because someone came in and knocked on my door.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Being noisy at 8pm in the evening isn't really unreasonable. It's a perfectly fair time for people to be enjoying themselves and assuming not deliberately shouting heads off or music on full blast can hear it down the street kind of level that's the kind of thing you're probably going to have to learn to live with.

    What about trying swapping your routine around a bit, I can't believe you've got stuff on continually 0900-1830 every day, so filling in those gaps should get you a fair amount of work done. You say you've got other stuff to do, washing up, laundry, tidying etc. Try doing them in the evenings, when it doesn't matter if there's background noise and working during the day when it's quieter.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tidy up less and study more - you might have more in common with your messy housemates then too.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Being noisy at 8pm in the evening isn't really unreasonable.

    Even when some of us are trying to study? It's easier for me to study in the evening after coming home, because the stuff is still fresh in my head.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Living in shared housing is all about give and take. Even when some people are trying to study - evening's are traditionally a social time so people being noisy then is the kind of thing that generally has to be accepted. Much like being quiet a night time which is generally a sleeping time is.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do you get a Disabled Students Allowance? If so, there may be a way for you to stay in the library til late and then get a taxi home and get your taxis reimbursed. Not sure how it works but a friend of mine gets free taxis for uni work.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katralla wrote: »
    Do you get a Disabled Students Allowance? If so, there may be a way for you to stay in the library til late and then get a taxi home and get your taxis reimbursed. Not sure how it works but a friend of mine gets free taxis for uni work.

    I do get disabled students allowance; but not help with the cost of taxis because where I'm living in halls it was assumed that I'll be quite close to them. (I live 30 minutes away)

    They would argue that that's not an extra cost incureed by me being disabled I imagine.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah, I imagine that would be seen as a cost not incurred through your disability.

    Now it's dark at 4pm though, you must be going home in the dark kind of regardless, so staying late is less of a change than it would have been.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Go back to your DSA providers- I had something not originally provided with my DSA and managed to get it included at a later date.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    To get something through DSA though, it needs to be to compensate for a disabillity.

    Housemate issues aren't considered a disability, much as some people might think they should be!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    But she also said that the taxis were not included on account of it being assumed she'd be close to uni. When in fact she's 30mins away. So, on that grounds she could probably have the taxis added.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah, I imagine that would be seen as a cost not incurred through your disability.

    Now it's dark at 4pm though, you must be going home in the dark kind of regardless, so staying late is less of a change than it would have been.

    But there's a huge difference going home at 4pm and at 6pm.

    And why should I have to change my routine just so they can have a social life? I have more right to be in that flat than what their friends do.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you're asking them to change their routines.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You need to be willing to compromise. At the minute you just seem to want them to do everything to fit around you and what you want. They are entitled to have people round, they are entitled to make a noise.
    It can't be easy when you want to work, but it really could be a lot worse. I lived with people who would come in at 2/3/4am every morning, have parties, never clear up etc etc.

    People have made suggestions of what you can do, but you don't seem to want to. You finish at 4pm - go to the library and work for a couple of hours. Yes, it'll be dark when you come out but it's really not that late. And as mentioned, it will also be dark at 4pm, so does it really make much difference?

    In an ideal world, what do you want your flatmates to do? Can you talk to them again - maybe ask them to be quieter a couple of nights a week? Most people are fairly reasonable, if they know it's really getting to you i'm sure they'll at least try and be a bit quiter.

    If it really is such a huge problem, go and talk to whoever is in charge. Ask them if you can move flats or something.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kat_B wrote: »
    You finish at 4pm - go to the library and work for a couple of hours. Yes, it'll be dark when you come out but it's really not that late. And as mentioned, it will also be dark at 4pm, so does it really make much difference?

    it makes a lot of difference. It's 4pm now and the sun is starting to set. In 2 hours, it'll be pitch black.
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