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Why do I have such big problem with...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
...Ex's?:confused:

Just the mention of their names send me off on a roller coaster ride of negative emotions?:(

Just a simple question, but a question which I think will save my relationship.:)

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you need to tell us a bit more before we can try and answer that question for you :) For example (and I'm presuming that your problem is with your partner's exes rather than your own)...are you male/female? How old? How long have you been in your relationship for? Is it your first relationship?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry

    :blush:

    Well I'm a 25 year old young man, its my girlfriends (28yr old) ex's:confused:

    She's had two serious relationships the last resulted in marriage - which is over now, it was when I first met her. During our time together she has had a divorce.

    But...:crying: its not that...

    She had a "relationship" with one of her cousins, which she says was abuse, it went on for 3-4 years.
    She slept with one of her female friends during a break with her ex-husband (she says it was over by that point) she says she needed to feel wanted (her husband who was 17 years older than her,cheated on her!)
    and her private foster daughter's 16 year old, older brother (who was her first boyfriend's nephew) she says at this point she still wanted to feel wanted due to her husband.

    The cousin was about 10-13 years ago.

    The friend was 18 months ago.

    and the 16 year old was about a year ago.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Because you are insecure and feel inferior in comparison to her ex's?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks mate.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was hoping for a few more suggestions....:(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There's not really any advice anyone can give, maybe talk to her about how you feel? Can't really say if that will actually do any good though, might even make you feel worse.
    You just have to try and remember that she's with you now, she's not cheated on anybody, and those 'ex's' she was free to do whatever she wanted with. But now she has you, you should just relax and be happy!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah, Icey's spot on. But I think you might have posted about something like this a while back - it's obviously been on your mind for some time. How long have you been together for? What is it, specifically, that bothers you about these exes? Are you comparing yourself to them, thinking that you don't match up? Or worried that she still secretly wants to be with them?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No dont compare myself, not being big headed - I dont think they are better than me in anyway (Just different) and I dont worry that she wants to be with them, rather than me, at all.

    I have no idea what it is, if it was one of the things that you guys have said - I would understand perfectly.

    I'm not insecure, as I really,realy dont think that she secretly wants to be with them and not me. She has said so and I believe her - she honestly did seem sincere.

    I dont have any worries that I'm not as good as they are (really not being big headed) they are just different people.

    I have no idea what it is. I'm finding it all just too much to bare, sorry if that seems a little sad - which I think it is!!

    I just dont get it, why does it bother me SO much??:no: :no: :no:
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