Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.

My Love Life Is A Mess I Regret Everything !

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm still not over my ex-boyfriend i truly do love him and have no reason to as the first time we broke up was due to me being date-raped at his party. My drink was spiked and i was locked in a room. While he was in another room drinking and dancing with girls he'd secretly been seeing a lot longer than we'd been together. He dumped me and said i was disgusting and told me he'd fingered a girl at the house party and told me in detail what i had got up to at the party though I vaguely remember one scenario. He said someone told him I was videoed having sex then changed his story and said I was not on video when I mentioned getting the police involved. He then changed the number of guys i supposedly did things with and kept altering the story to make it sound less worse. I don't know where he got the information from but the thing is i know my body and would of "felt" the pain in my private area if i really did have sex with the number of people he said i had sex with (5). I would of definitely of felt the pain in my vagina. I only remember one person doing stuff with me and that was his own cousin.

When the night started everything was fine and my boyfriend was showing me off to his friends until the girls came and he ignored me. I didn't know anyone else except his room mate so i sat in his room with his friends and talked, i had too small glasses of brandy and coke and was slightly tipsy but definitely not drunk. The room mate went to get everyone more drinks and all the drinks looked the same so i grabbed for a glass but he told me that was his so i went for the one he then gave me. That's when the atmosphere changed and i started getting sleepy and my boyfriends' cousin who was also in the room came closer to me. I had no energy to move him and kept falling asleep.Then the room-mate of my boyfriend locked the door, i knew i was being watched by the other guys in the room there was three or four in total i think. His cousin climbed on top of me as i was telling him i wanted to sleep but he kept telling me to stay awake and tried to kiss me but my head was falling back. I heard him say out loud that he isn't getting done for rape and then was trying to get me to say yes to his questions. The attempt to get me to say anything was difficult enough so i nodded then i just felt a thrust of pain below and i screamed out. I was telling him it hurt and that's where i don't remember anything , i woke up the next morning on the same bed and my boyfriend was next to me. He told me to get out the house and i had work that morning so i got dressed and got out even though my head was spinning. I went to the sexual health clinic the next day and found out i was spiked. I told my ex i was spiked but he still wouldn't talk to me for a while and in that time his best friend who i was also good friends with had been looking after me and taking me out, he broke up with his girlfriend and we ended up sleeping together twice until i found out he was just lying about the break-up.

My ex had no idea about this and took me back but only as friends. He made me promise to always be there for him even when im in a new relationship, he said if i break the promise he'll kill my husband. I wasn't allowed to meet new guys but he was allowed to sleep with anyone and speak to girls on the phone infront of me, he made me feel like it was a second chance and made me feel guilty, constantly asking why i had to do what i did and constantly telling me he didn't trust me.He was good at mind games and i felt i needed him to feel i was worth anything. He didn't tell anyone what had really happened with me so his friends at the party assumed i was just a whore.

I felt like i was falling in love with him and felt guilty about his bestfriend even though my ex had been cheating on me from the time we first got together. I finally told him what happened and now he never wants to see me again. He says im a whore and i make him feel sick and that he's glad he never used to take me out, and all i did was clean for him and have sex with him. He says all i care about is sex but that's not true im just good at it , which is why he never trust me.

He said him and his friends were laughing at how easy i am and now I feel like no other guy is going to want me though a few of his friends have tried it behind his back since. I really like a guy who i'm taking things really slow with, we are just friends for now we don't kiss or talk about being in a relationship but i know i would eventually want that, but im afraid he won't accept my past.
Who i am is not the sort of person a guy would want.

I also just want my ex to know how much pain i am going through because i don't think he realises how much pain im in , he got a new girlfriend three weeks after he found out about myself and his best-friend. The same girl was at the house party and apparently they were having sex the whole time i was in a relationship with my ex. He's ignored my friend requests on facebook and his best-friend who i still talk to on facebook told me my ex is now in love, he also said the girl is stressing my ex out so im confused. His best-friend and i talked about the situation last night and i was expressing how much i miss my ex whilst he could only express that he wishes we did it more considering the outcome. i just want to tell my ex how bad he's affected my life because literally every day i am in tears but he's completely shut me out, he doesn't see his wrongs and won't give me answers but apparently according to his best-friend i hurt him.

Guilt is just crushing my confidence and self-worth.
:(:heart:

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh wow, that's horrible. I'm so very sorry. :(

    Anyone worth their salt will embrace your past as a part of what makes you who you are. Everyone has a past, everyone has a future. Both are relevant, but only one can be truly shared, and therefore counts for more...

    If he's a good one, his feelings for you won't change because of what happened. :thumb:

    Chin up. :)
Sign In or Register to comment.