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Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi,

I'm 24 now and inexperienced in the relationships sphere.

I think honesty is the best policy. I went to an all boys school until I was 18, but there was a group of people outside of school that effectively bullied me.

My personality and appearance were criticised whilst growing up and at university I was ill as a result of this - I had low esteem and confidence.

But since going to university and since I have left certain people from my childhood and teenage years behind and met lots of nice people.

Over the last few years I have gained in confidence and made some nice friends who have been good for me. Since becoming involved with MIND I have learnt a lot and gained in confidence by gradually talking about my feelings and experiences.

I think the bullying did a lot of damage and affected the way I view myself eg esteem, body image and felt little confidence of making friends or attracting girls.

But I have now made plenty of friends and made female friends and had female attention when I've been out and been complimented about my appearance and personality.

I think I thought I was unloveable because of what I was told and I definitely had a desire to have a girlfriend, but just felt no one would ever be interested.

But I have had some interest and made female friends and feel more comfortable around girls now.

I suppose my questions are how do most people get together ? Does proactive work ? They say it always happens when you least expect it.

Is it best to be honest with a girl about my experiences especially when it comes to the way I felt about myself ? I've never had sex, but feel this would be best with my first girlfriend.

I have put on weight because of the medication so this has affected my body confidence.

I suppose just any advice on how to get dates, meet girls - I feel a novice, but I haven't looked hard due to lack of confidence, but have asked five out, been on a couple of dates with one, but the others weren't interested and just kissed eight girls on nights out - I don't feel that interested in random pulling.

I think I just want to get into the dating game, but just looking for any advice as I have only felt comfortable in myself for a couple of years

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd say go for it!
    Start dating, but take it slooooow - don't get physical or reveal too much about your insecurities until you've got a bit closer to someone - you don't want to scare anyone off too quickly, or put too much pressure on yourself!

    Good luck, and remember its meant to be fun :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    wow, this is spooky, I see myself a lot in what you said. I went to an all girls school until I was 18, and hardly knew anyone outside of school (for reasons I won't go into), so my social skills weren't exactly good. I got depressed, thought there was no way out etc etc.

    Now, after coming to uni (in my final year) I have slightly improved- met a guy, but still struggle with really low self esteem and pretty much zero confidence. I find critism very hard to deal with and living in a house where banter is thrown at everyone has not helped much, even though I try to see the light-hearted side that it is given in!

    Basically, from my experiences of getting my guy, if you meet a girl you like, go slow, maybe take a bit of time to be friends first (although this can also cause a few problems), and yeah, wait a while for the sex. Then you will have a good first experience (hopefulyl!)! Just enjoying their company is a good start!

    You sound like a nice guy, so hopefully you will flourish! Just be yourself and let the rest go naturally :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for the replies. Yeah I think taking it slowly is best. With what you said though it seems you are similar to me.

    I think going to a single sex school doesn't help, but it was more about what I was told as a teenager. But now I'm older things have changed a lot.

    I think many of my friends from school started off in a similar position when they went to university due to being at an all boys school ie not used to talking to girls.

    I'm not sure, maybe with a lot of young people it takes time to become confident ? All I know is I'm not the only one to have confidence problems.

    One of my friends said he has become more confident year on year since going to university and he thought it was the same with me so I'm hoping in a years' time I'll be more confident again.

    But thanks for the replies. It's good to know I'm not alone !
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