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Cheating?? Advice pleaseee!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
My boyfriend (of a year and a half) has been sending private facebook messages to a girl from work (shes new and because of her i didnt get more hours like i had hoped - her mum is a manager high up in the company thus how she got the job) the messages were fairly harmless but she kept calling him 'sweetie' and 'sweets' she invited him out for a drink with 'a few people from work'... i wasnt invited even though i work with her and my boyfriend is the manager of a completely different department so it seemed a bit odd that she would ask him

I got so jealous when i read the messages and it has really really upset me for some reason, i feel soo down at the moment and this has just made things so much worse. My boyfriend doesnt know i've seen the messages but this isnt the first time hes had private messages from another girl.

My boyfriend is 25 (im 18) and this girl is 23... im worried he wants someone more his age or something, shes totally different from me, shes all tatood up and pierced and very confident, should i be worried??

Pleasee advice would be very much appreciated

Am i being a complete idiot...?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If only Facebook wasn't invented.

    Like you said it's completely HARMLESS I think you're blowing this way out of proportion. Some people call others 'mate', 'darling, 'hun, 'sweets' etc just out of habit, it means nothing. Talking to another woman isn't a crime, just because it is private means nothing either, sometimes I don't want everyone reading my conversations it doesn't mean I have something to hide. Stop being so paranoid and trust your boyfriend. I wouldn't let him know you've read the messages though as it probably won't go down well. As long as he doesn't go out with her without telling you then I see no problem, you're just being a little paranoid.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well there is no reason being jealous when you have no real proof of your boyfriend cheating; even though I'm sure this is easier said than done. You just need to relax. There is most probably nothing going on with this girl and your boyfriend. As long as your boyfriend does not lie to you, there should not be a problem.

    Maybe you could try reading this page on jealousy on theSite.org.

    Jealously is a complicated emotion and it is a good idea to understand why you are feeling jealous in the first place, in order to try and tackle it. Obviously I do not know enough about you and the situation to know this. But you could think about things like past experiences that may be shaping your present feelings.

    You may like to consider spending time with him and this girl to see how they interact. You may even become good friends with her about this and you would be showing your boyfriend that you are comfortable with him having female friends.

    Another thing to consider is just talking about how you feel; as this is the best way of dealing with jealousy. You can either talk to your boyfriend and let him know how this is affecting you. Or maybe a close friend? Or an organisation such as Relate; but this should really be a last resort.

    I hope this helps and you resolve your situation soon!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks guys!

    Thank you for your advice, im just not even gonna think about it anymore! I spoke to my best friend about it today and she said i should know better than to think he would do that to me etc etc so im feeling much happier today! Thank you verrry much xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm glad that you talked about it with someone and that you're feeling happier about the situation. :-)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just remember, if you snoop be prepared to deal with the consequences in a correct manner!

    Personally though, i wouldn't worry about it
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    People gossip out of habit, and Facebook gossip is the same. People used to gossip at the bus stop and in the playground. Now, it has simply moved onto the computer screen. What's next? The same but on the mobile/portable screen.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If the messages were private, how do you know they existed, let alone what they said?

    IMO the most worrying thing about the whole situation you described is the fact that you felt the need to snoop.... examine your motives for that first. If you truly don't trust him, chances are it goes a lot deeper than his friendship with this girl.
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