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Help advice please thx

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Last week I went to a club for the first time, got drunk for the first time, and had sex for the first time. I didn't know the guy, wasn't attracted to him, but he was kinda nice and was patient, I'll give him that (I didn't even bother to tell him I was a virgin). And he had just turned 20 (I'm 21), and I never wanted to be with a guy who was younger than me, just my thing. I wasn't plowed, but I think the alcohol kind of made my decisions about the guy fuzzy and more lenient than I would have sober. I had decided to do it with him mainly because it was a window of opportunity, and I wasn't sure if that would happen agian any time soon, and I was ready to loose my virginity (I know that sounds low but 1) I have a younger brother and sister, both at that age in high school where sex is definetly a possibility, and though I don't think he has yet, my brother was found with a condom in his wallet, and he's only 16. Now, I have always done things first, been the experienced leader for them in a kind of way, and one of the reasons I wanted to loose my virginity was to remain that person for them. I have always been there when they needed help or advice or to talk, and I didn't want to be the virgin much older sister who couldn't help. Also, 2) I really want to find "the guy", but he didn't see to be coming around, and 3) yes I'll admit it was a bit of peer pressure...just the fact that practically all of my friend's and co-workers have had relationships, I felt like an outcast and unable to relate with them and in their conversations.) So that's the deal, and now I am really regreting doing it with that guy, not the doing part, just the who I did it with part...mainly because he didn't really appeal to me physically, he was younger (biggest regret), and there was another guy at the club I appealed to more (but the guy I ended up with had been with me first and like I said it was practically a sure thing and I didn't want to bypass that at the time).

Any advice or comments, on how to put this behind me and move on? Am I over-reacting?

Thanks for listening (or reading I guess).

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    wow that was one busy night!

    i wouldn't worry too much about the age, a year is pretty damn close, and you were both legal so again no problem. i'm guessing you aren't keeping in contact with this guy?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wouldn't worry about it at all, I have a theory that 99% of people regret the first time they have sex anyway. Atleast in my experience and my experience of other people... Or at the very least if they don't regret doing it they regret who it was with.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We've all done things like that and regret them the next day, especially when there's been a few beverages involved. Just put it down to experience and move on. Try to remember it next time you're shit faced and going home with someone you don't really fancy seems like a great idea, and maybe that time you won't do it.

    You probably will though! That's just what happens. The trick is not to beat yourself up about it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks everyone so far for their comments...they have really helped, especially to know others have felt this way before too. To answer an earlier post, no I am not keeping in contact with the guy, I just know his first name and where he lives, but I have no plans or desire to go looking for him.

    Thanks again!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I remember the first time I had sex with someone. I was 19. The guy was older, but not really my type. I think I was just flattered to be found attractive enough LOL!!!! I slept with him about three times but then totally regretted getting involved. The problem for me was that sex with this guy wasn't as exciting as I thought it should have been. Basically, I didn't know him well enough or fancy him enough to get excited enough ... and I didn't know enough about sex to know how to make it good.

    I was a slow learner. It took many one night stands and a bit of experimentation before I started to enjoy sex for sex's sake! Like Jamelia said, don't beat yourself up about it. You're no longer a virgin, so you can reassure yourself that you're "attractive" and be a bit more picky about your next conquest LOL!!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks overthehill! That really helps!:)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think this is enough .....
    I do agree with you. Those are the most effective way
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