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Have you ever dated a Bunny Boiler?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Have you ever dated a Bunny Boiler?

.. if so what were the first signs and what happened ....

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bunny_boiler

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Gosh yes.

    When she was sober there wasn't a problem at first but get a few drinks down her and the drama would start.

    I used to pick up at 2am to take her home after a night out and she's start on me, moaning that I only came out at that time to perv over her drunk friends etc, she'd be wailing and crying on the way home. When I finally got her back I'd say something like "that's the last fucking time I bring you home, next time get a fucking taxi", she's carry on with more tears and wailing "my own boyfriend won't drive me home and make sure I'm safe" :mad:

    Another time she cancelled the music package we had on Sky because she didn't like me watching videos with women dancing in them.

    If I spent (what she decided was) too much time at my parents' house she'd go nuts. She knew I loved my mother's sunday roast but just in case I preferred to be there than with her, she encouraged me to learn how to do the full roast so I'd never need to go there so often.

    She made sure I severed all ties with any female friends I had. Oh and she discouraged me from buying the sporty model car I wanted because "women would be watching you all the time in it".

    Seriously, bunny boilers need to be shipped off to some far away island somewhere, away from us normal people.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is there a male equivalent?

    I guess there is, and we call them wife-beaters. And yes, I dated one of them. And he beat the shit out of me for three years.

    I got rid of him eventually though :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My husband and I had a friend who dated a classic bunny boiler. She was a nightmare: clingy, possessive and, like Glenn's ladyfriend, a little too fond of her drink and hated Steve's group of friends. We all warned him she was trouble. Eventually, he had had enough and tried to dump her but ... guess what, she got pregnant! Poor Steve. He was just about to take early retirement. Instead he ended up taking a new job hundreds of miles away and we don't see him any more.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm not sure this is exactly the same thing..

    My ex cheated on me, with this girl from work (we went out for about 5 years) ..and his new 'girlfriend' proceeded to harrass ME constantly via any means possible, telling me to stay away! it went on for months, and i even went to the police :( (in all the months, i only actually spoke to him about 3/4 times, and none of it was begging him to come back to me!)

    I talk to him again now, he was with her for a year, before she nearly tried to stab him with a knife....
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    skakitty wrote: »
    I'm not sure this is exactly the same thing..

    My ex cheated on me, with this girl from work (we went out for about 5 years) ..and his new 'girlfriend' proceeded to harrass ME constantly via any means possible, telling me to stay away! it went on for months, and i even went to the police :( (in all the months, i only actually spoke to him about 3/4 times, and none of it was begging him to come back to me!)

    I talk to him again now, he was with her for a year, before she nearly tried to stab him with a knife....


    I bet you're a bunny boiler :P
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mr CW wrote: »
    I bet you're a bunny boiler :P

    shhh you! shes lovely :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dont know how you can compare bunny boilersto wife beaters?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've always thought of bunny boilers as being more stalker-ish than violent, the type of partner who basically obsesses over you and is abnormally possessive and jealous...:chin:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MrG wrote: »
    I dont know how you can compare bunny boilersto wife beaters?

    I don't know if they are the same. I just find the whole concept of the bunny boiler a bit sexist - is there a male equivalent?

    My ex, who also happened to be violent, was also all the things we attribute to female bunny boilers - obsessive, controlling, manipulative, paranoid, jealous. He was constantly accusing me of sleeping with his friends, because I smiled at them and was friendly towards them. Of all the things he did to me, it was the beatings that probably hurt the least and left the least damage. The other stuff left emotional damage that I'll carry round with me for years.

    So I don't know if wife beaters are in a similar class to bunny boilers, but he was certainly a psychopath. I guess it just seems (probably wrongly) more amusing and less sinister when it's the woman who's behaving like a nutcase.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    jamelia wrote: »
    I don't know if they are the same. I just find the whole concept of the bunny boiler a bit sexist - is there a male equivalent?

    Am I seeing things here?! Yes, it's called a "wife beater" but who cares? This thread is about bunny boilers, obsessive women - if you feel the gender balance is getting mismanaged in this thread then why not set up one of your own?

    Neither bunny boilers or wife beaters are any worse than each other - obsessive controlling behaviour in a relationship from men or women is totally unacceptable. The problem is that whilst wife beaters are rightly condemned in society, bunny boilers seem to be seen as almost humorous to some, almost celebrated. This is why I think bunny boiler behaviour needs to be exposed wherever possible. Hell if it serves as a warning to future potential victims then it can't be a bad thing.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Am I seeing things here?! Yes, it's called a "wife beater" but who cares? This thread is about bunny boilers, obsessive women - if you feel the gender balance is getting mismanaged in this thread then why not set up one of your own?
    Er thats a bit harsh, she was only sharing her opinions and experiences :confused:
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Boards Champion
    The problem is that whilst wife beaters are rightly condemned in society, bunny boilers seem to be seen as almost humorous to some, almost celebrated. This is why I think bunny boiler behaviour needs to be exposed wherever possible. Hell if it serves as a warning to future potential victims then it can't be a bad thing.

    I actually think Jamelia has a really fair point. You've started a thread just to say, let's identify all the crazy girlfriends people have had to highlight this problem that 'some' women are obsessive and jealous and sometimes take a step too far in relationships. I don't think it's celebrated at all - in many cases the term is bandied about way too easily to describe a girlfriend who just isn't right for the person and was maybe badly hurt or has mental health problems. And for the record I'm not saying that's the case for your ex girlfriend at all - just generally commenting on how the term is used.

    But when it is serious and women are violent in relationships and vile to their partners - I don't think anyone doubts the issues- I don't see that being celebrated anywhere and I don't see it as a woman only issue - which is why you don't necessarily need a new thread to talk about men's bad behaviour in relationships - I actually think 'wifebeaters' and 'bunnyboilers' by your definitions are one and the same - it's all about control and abuse - whether that be physical or verbal. IMO it's good to see them in the same light as you're identifying that men and women are capable of the same destructive behaviours.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Firstly I apologise if I came across as abrasive - I typed that while on the phone so I didn't have my full attention on it. The point I was trying to make was if someone felt this thread was in anyway sexist then they could always redress the balance by setting up a male-based thread next to it. There have been threads about wife-beaters on TheSite in the past, I don't recall anyone describing them as 'sexist'.

    Secondly I didn't start this thread.....

    Thirdly in some circles women beating men is celebrated - has the singer Pink ever brought out a song or video which doesn't involved punching men? It appears to be seen as 'standing up for sisterhood' or whatever. I'm all for women taking action against an oppressive society but let's not make them as bad as the violent men they are fighting against.
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Boards Champion

    Secondly I didn't start this thread.....

    Eep - sorry I think I thought that because yours was the first significant reply. :blush:
    Thirdly in some circles women beating men is celebrated - has the singer Pink ever brought out a song or video which doesn't involved punching men? It appears to be seen as 'standing up for sisterhood' or whatever. I'm all for women taking action against an oppressive society but let's not make them as bad as the violent men they are fighting against.

    Makes such a difference when you bring concrete examples into it - this is a good one that I hadn't considered. I guess the music industry has a lot to answer for on both sides. :)
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Boards Champion

    Secondly I didn't start this thread.....

    Eep - sorry I think I thought that because yours was the first significant reply. :blush:
    Thirdly in some circles women beating men is celebrated - has the singer Pink ever brought out a song or video which doesn't involved punching men? It appears to be seen as 'standing up for sisterhood' or whatever. I'm all for women taking action against an oppressive society but let's not make them as bad as the violent men they are fighting against.

    Makes such a difference when you bring concrete examples into it - this is a good one that I hadn't considered. I guess the music industry has a lot to answer for on both sides. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah sorry if I wasn't clear Glenn, I'm not trying to wind anyone up.

    Perhaps I don't mean that I find the term bunny boiler sexist. I find it something that annoys me though! I guess the reason I suspect it might be sexist is because it only applies to women, and seems to suggest that only women are capable of being crazy, manipulative, controlling, paranoid, obsessive...yet of course, men can be too. And often when men are those things, they also happen to be violent too. But actually, the violence is often not the worst part - the crazy psychotic part is! So I don't like that the term bunny boiler implies only women can be like this.

    And neither one is really anything to make light of, it's actually really serious and awful to be on the receiving end of, whatever gender it's coming from. So then the term bunny boiler is probably meant to imply something weaker, something less deranged, but still only to women, and that just sits a bit uneasily with me that there's no male equivalent.

    I think if anything that's probably made my position less clear! But I wouldn't set up an equivalent thread saying "hey, ever been out with a psychopath?" because it isn't really funny!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    **helen** wrote: »
    Makes such a difference when you bring concrete examples into it - this is a good one that I hadn't considered. I guess the music industry has a lot to answer for on both sides. :)

    Abolutely - Eminem was (I say 'was' because he seems to have calmed down over the years) rightly vilified for being misogynistic in his lyrics and for the things he used to say about his ex-wife. On a different scale the Sugababes often have videos showing them dominating men, even throwing them against walls etc. OK it's meant as a 'bit of fun' but it shows the difference in attitudes. As you say the music industry has a lot to answer for.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru

    Neither bunny boilers or wife beaters are any worse than each other - obsessive controlling behaviour in a relationship from men or women is totally unacceptable. The problem is that whilst wife beaters are rightly condemned in society, bunny boilers seem to be seen as almost humorous to some, almost celebrated.

    Well then we agree! But since the thread was about bunny boilers, and I am a woman who dates men, I wanted to join in too, because I've definitely dated a nutjob!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    jamelia wrote: »
    Yeah sorry if I wasn't clear Glenn, I'm not trying to wind anyone up.

    No apology needed :)
    jamelia wrote: »
    Perhaps I don't mean that I find the term bunny boiler sexist. I find it something that annoys me though! I guess the reason I suspect it might be sexist is because it only applies to women, and seems to suggest that only women are capable of being crazy, manipulative, controlling, paranoid, obsessive...yet of course, men can be too. And often when men are those things, they also happen to be violent too. But actually, the violence is often not the worst part - the crazy psychotic part is! So I don't like that the term bunny boiler implies only women can be like this.

    The problem isn't with obsessive women or violent men - it's with obsessive violent people.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah, agreed. But that still makes the term bunny boiler sexist, non? Given that it's a gendered term and there really is no male equivalent. Unless wife beater really is the equivalent, but I'm not sure it is. But anyway, it's no big deal.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm not sure it is sexist. I'll agree it's more "laddish" but in my eyes that doesn't equate sexist.

    I use the Men's Health forums a lot and we often discuss things like bunny boilers - I think using that terms means it'll be better responded to by men as we can identify that sort of thing. I don't think it suggests the behaviour is restricted to woman at all.
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