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Am I wasting my time

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Hi. Im new but need a little advice. 5 months ago I met a wonderful man and we clicked right away...
I soon realised however that he smokes cannabis every night, is a huge binge drinker and takes a variety of social drugs when ever they are offered to him. He is totally lovely but as soon as he drinks or takes drugs he is evil to me (not violent though).He has attacked my car kicking it and has thrown me out of the house when I was meant to be staying the night. The next day he is full of remorse and guilt and says he needs to get help but then never does. Hes 51 and im 35. He wants us to get engaged but he constantly asks where Iv been, checks my mobile phone and doesnt like me going out with friends, although its ok for him.I think its either control that he wants or the drugs are making him insecure.He constantly threatens to go back to his ex girlfriend and its like he needs my constant attention.If I talk to anyone else he gets really jealous.These are all only when hes high or drunk.Sober hes great. Any help please

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Are you wasting your time? Yes.

    You've just given us the perfect description of a complete fuck up. You won't save him, but he will probably drag you down with him.

    Run for the hills.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    he sounds like an arsehole
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes I think you are right..Its harder to see when you are involved, and I guess I was hoping for a magic answer.
    I know I wont save him. I dont think he,ll ever change if Im honest, but I think I just needed someone to confirm it
    Thanks guys
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Quite apart from the drink and drugs (bad enough!) there is a fairly substantial age difference between you, that you shouldn't ignore. My first husband was 47 when we married. I was 27. I speak from experience. If your "wonderful" man is that much of a fuck up at 51, he ain't gonna change. My ex shunned all my younger friends and, oddly enough, a number of the ones that stuck around during our 7 years together, then deserted when we divorced, "we didn't want to side with anyone ..."! Also there was the slight issue of him having nicked my address book and rung them being abusive about me ... C'est la vie. (Irrelevant to this thread, perhaps, but my second husband also lost long time friends when he and his first wife divorced.)

    Anyway, I just wanted to say, beware possessive partners - especially those who are alcohol/drug dependent and/or clinically depressed and set in their ways. Don't expect to change them. Run for the hills.
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