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Exes... do you ever sometimes think maybe you were wrong?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I was with a guy for three years. When we were good we were fucking fantastic but when it was bad it was awful.

Haven't seen him in three years. Since then I've been in one relationship and it was utter SHITE.

However the first one we had a really bad time. I used to sneak out the house and go drinking, taking loads of coke and staying out all night whilst he slept and being generally quite a bitch. He lost his temper and one day after he tried to join in on one of my sessions lost it and punched me. Threw all of his stuff out the window and made it perfectly clear I never wanted to see him again.

As time wore on I made it seem more and more like he was constantly abusive when he really wasn't. It was one incident and was probably induced by lack of sleep, my being a rather annoying/insensitive cow and also by him being under a bit of a coke haze too.

I've thought about him a lot since then and have found it really hard getting involved with people. Even when I have done I feel like I've never been able to scratch the surface. Then I really started to think about him about 2/3 weeks ago. After a year of complete non-contact (when I told him my mum died and he was super supportive) and completely out of the blue he contacts me.

We've talked on facebook a few times and it both just came flooding out for both of us. The shit that we have been going through, how we haven't really got anybody we can talk to as such and it was so weird.

He's starting to study something I always told him he should do and has got a placements doing it. He's doing loads of charity work and really making a difference it seems.

The mindset I had that used to make me act out like a prat has now almost completley gone. I've got a good job, I'm making good money and I'm happier than I have been in years in some respects.

But now I'm feeling a bit... maybe we had something good that because of our ages, our surroundings etc we fucked it up true and proper.

I can never justify what he did but at the same time I do wonder if I hadn't been such a cow would it have happened. I had made him drop his entire life. He left his job, his family and his friends and moved to be with me and then I just ignored him all the time and ranted about how he got in the way... even if I did really love him.

And how strange is it that he just randomly got back in contact when I was thinking about messaging him. He sent me a lovely birthday message yesterday and I'm really feeling like I need to see him....

thoughts anybody?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    To an extent i know how you feel. i had an ex like that..


    the way i explain it is that, though you too have had your bad moments, the connection is still there, hence him getting back in touch etc when you were gonna. sometimes two people really leave a mark on each others souls.

    my ex keeps contacting me randonmly after the final its OVER even as freinds last year. just bland conversation makes me wonder why we bother. though it was never like it when we kept getting back in touch. i say go along with it, but dont misinterpret the base connection you 2 have as something more, unless it actually develops again- its a fine line.

    good luck! sorry if i made no sense -_-


    Peace, love and fried chicken!

    x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No, no it makes sense. Complete and utter sense. I think over the last few days/weeks I've been a bit down and maybe I'm looking at things in a way that I shouldn't do.


    I am a sucker for trying to relive past eras of my life and it never ends up going well. So I think I'll leave it at that.

    Thanks for your help :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    maybe you should see him again. it might be nice to have a talk. You might either get some closure or still have a good friendship there.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think sometimes it IS possible to get back with an ex and make it work. But a lot of the time I think it happens for the wrong reasons, like maybe both of you are feeling a bit lonely or a bit unsure about certain aspects of your life which makes getting back together seem like a good idea, becaue then you'll feel happier, more secure, have someone to be there for you etc. In reality, that probably won't happy.

    To me, it seems as if both of you are in better places now, but at the same time it kinda seems as if you're both not totally happy with your lives and if you get back together you're gonna pretty much rely on the other to make you happier.
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