Home› Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options

Is It Too Soon?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Hey.. Im pretty new to the board.. so bear with me if i go on abit :)

Basically I have had some crap times during my life.. we all have. but mine have made me very mature and i have learnt from them all. Over 2 years ago the guy i was going out with died in a car crash and about 4 months ago i got with my current bf *a former bf*. we instantly clicked as we were both each others first love and we both lost our virginity together and he has helped me through so much. We are living together at the moment and we both love each other very much...

so *trying to cut to the point* I've always been one who likes committed relationships and have always been a girl who wants to get married n have kids etc etc and i feel like my bf is the one i want to do it all with. but I'm not sure whether its right to get married so early on as i know both our parents are going to have something to say about it. His mom n dad are already abit freaked out about us only being together for 4 months and we have been living together for 2 months.. but i do really love him and he loves me too.

should we do what we feel is right and makes us happy *and possibly have a long engagement* or should we wait and avoid our parents getting funny with us and our friends just thinking that we are rushing in?

Sorry for rambling :blush:

Comments

  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just do whatever you and your partner want to do.

    People will always tell you what you can not do in life but never what you can do etc.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just do what you and your partner want to do, if you feel its right, then thats it.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Personally I'd wait... If you think your parents and friends will have a hard time with it, maybe allowing them some time to get used to you being in love first will mean that when you do get married they will be fully on board with it and want to celebrate with you, rather than giving you little talks about the doubts they might have.

    But like others have already said, at the end of the day it's your relationship and if you're comfortable with going ahead with it now then do what feels right...
    Just don't expect people to be as 100% sure of it as you are. (And that might feel hurtful).

    I always think if there's no need to rush then it's best not to. :)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you should do what makes you happy, your parents will see that you are happy with this guy and doing what you are doing and then hopefully they will learn to accept it all
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My brother and his wife knew each other as friends for a few months, moved in with each other and after less than 6months announced their engagement! they got married last year, and are now living in America together.
    What they did felt right for them, and everything clicked into place for them. My parents were quite taken back by it all at the time, but they accepted it and it's all worked out fine.

    Anyways, the moral is you feel youve found the one and you both feel ready to make they next step, and that I know of people who went through the same stuff and they just went for it. If it's meant to be it will all work out and your parents should be happy that youre happy :-)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kingzilla wrote: »
    People will always tell you what you can not do in life but never what you can do

    If you actually think about that, its so true!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you feel 100% right that this is the man for you then why not? I understand that both sets of parents may freak out and you dont want to upset them but at the same time it's what you both want.
    Maybe you could have a year long engagement then this way it will help you save up for the wedding etc...
    Surely if your happy though your folks will be but I can understand if they get funny they only worry about us and wants whats best!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i just think you should do what ever you and your partner want to make u 2 happy...if u want to get married you go and get married :D...its up to you too its your lives no one elses :) x
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    As others have said, do whatever feels right.

    I can appreciate parents being sceptical and critical - mine are exactly the same and I'm sure others will say the same.

    For you though, is the engagement through an urge to be together or for formality or security? The thing of me is that when I get engaged it will be because I want to get married shortly afterwards. I don't want to be engaged for a long time because my boyfriend and I are commited to one another and do not need a long engagement to pin one another down. Is it linked at all to the sudden death of your previous partner? A way of having some security because you were cruelly denied that future and they were taken from you suddenly. Is the engagement just a way of getting security?

    If it was me and I wanted to get engaged, I would regardless because it's about the people in the relationship, not those passing judgement around it.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for the messages.. have really helped.

    Im not sure if the desire to be engaged to my bf is linked to Rich's death.. maybe it could be a form of security.. i hadnt thought of that.

    Well we have both been talking about what we want and he has said that maybe we should wait until we have given our families some time to adjust.
    :)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you both love each other, being engaged should make no difference to how much you want to be together, if you both know its right and meant to be. :)

    What have you got to lose if you hold off on a potentially indefinate engagement? Not much really, the plus points are that as others have said, gives the family and friends chance to warm to you both etc.

    If you are both happy, engagement and then marriage are just further steps in a chain of your lives together. Delaying any potential engagement till sooner towards the time you might be married, seems (if you dont intend to get married next month) a good idea and doesnt in itsself delay any marriage.

    I see many plus points with a delayed engagement, and very few minors, why the need to rush into getting engaged if you are not going to get married in a rush?

    Hope this helps.
Sign In or Register to comment.