Mother-in-law

I don't dislike many people with a passion but my boyfriend's mother I do.

Basically, she came to Iceland after staying abroad and had nowhere to stay so I pretty much felt forced to agree to let her stay with me and the bloke as he's Mr. Friendly and didn't know what to do. She drinks a lot, doesn't work and behaved as if she didn't need to move out from us until it suited her. Behaves appalingly, was more concerned about chasing random guys than searching for housing. For the first time in 4 years I start feeling myself getting depressed and she's lashing out at my boyfriend calling him disgusting and stuff. It was a horrible horrible time for me. I hid in my bedroom throughout most of May when I wasn't lucky enough to be working.

She finally moves out (after getting my bloke to pay the entire deposit which he did as he felt he might lose me if he didn't get her away) and after a while of her being gone I started thinking it was time to bury the hatchet. A week and a half ago I was suggesting my bloke let his kid socialise with his mother and that it'd be good for the kid to have a relationship with her and such.

THEN I find out last Monday that a week ago she called my bloke and was blaming us for "kicking her out" and because she's paying rent under the table she's lost financial support for housing as officially she's not renting. Now she's trying to extort money from him and keeps calling and talking badly about me and him and attempting to make him feel responsible for her miserable life. Yesterday evening I found out she called him earlier to tell him her washing machine broke and she wants him to 'sort it out' even if she hasn't paid him the deposit back and knows he's got an overdraft and his car was being fixed this week ($$$). I am SEETHING with rage. This is me when I think about her and her disgusting personality: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

She's clearly a very active alcoholic and I understand why three of her four children have blocked her from their lives as well as her other relatives not wanting to talk to her. My boyfriend calls her a narcissist.

I have known this person since the beginning of May and I don't want anything to do with her. I really don't want to see her unless she stops drinking and she stops treating her son like scum (which I can't see happening given what I know about her). I just don't know how to behave towards my bloke, he's been trying to deal with his mother without giving in but I don't want to be that furious girlfriend who is insisting he drops contact. As much as I'd LOVE for him to do that I realise it's not my right to demand that of him. I'm also worried that if I behave like it's not my problem that he might do something stupid and give her money he doesn't have and whatnot.
I'm not even sure I would be willing to have children with him if it meant I had to meet his mom or invite her to family functions.

I care SO much for my bloke and know he's had it rough for most of his life with a mom like that. His father's a convicted sex offender who he's in no contact with. I just get so furious and protective when I see his mom treating him like that. He doesn't deserve that, there's not a mean bone in his body.

I have no clue how I should behave. I don't want to be unfair towards him but I feel so strongly about her that I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that I don't want to meet her again. I just don't want to let her ruin my relationship with him either.

Any outside view? I realise I may be rather too consumed by my anger to think logically. The hold on him she's got is down to some undefined amount of money she lent him while he studied and she has no legit claims on. I told him earlier this summer he had to settle the amount to get shot of her but yesterday he told me he is not going to pay her. I suppose that's one sign he's getting ready to close the door on her.