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how can i stop all this fighting and get back to how we used to be :(

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
i was just after some advice really
me and my partner have never had many problems but lately all we do is argue and scream and shout. its getting so bad we even broke up for a while were back together now and everything was ok for a bit but then it started again

i would have walked away from him alot sooner if it wasnt for the feeling i have for him and he has said the same thing. i keep thinking maybe i should get out of this relationship for the benefit of the both of us but i just love him too much to give up

everything is also turning a bit physical aswell we always seem to be having sex but not like what it used to be

i want a night in just us two with no other people (as we live with my sister her baby and my brother in law) as there is always someone around and with no sex

my sister bro in law and baby are going away soon so i thought this would be a great opportunity for us to try and get back on track but i dont know what to do i would just like some advice of things we can do when we actually have the place alone just to try and get back to how we used to be. i just want us to chat and connect again with no sex or fighting

any help no matter what would really be appreciated thank you x

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've been married a year but we've been together for 10. we actually get on better now! Over the years the dynamics of a relationship change & I've learned to pick my battles! Before if he said something I thought was out of order, I wouldn't talk to him for days.....now I'm over it in no time & it's forgotten. Is there any way at all ye could afford yer own place? See how ye get on when your sister is away, use it as a practice run. you will hava a fair idea, what the future would be like from that. When we were together a year we had the chance to live alone for a few weeks & it was great! I've learned that screaming & shouting is no good & only gets your blood pressure up, & it achieves nothing. Best to keep everything civil if possible.
    I really hope things work out, esp as ye love each other. Thats really important. Just take it one day at a time, & be kind to each other.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Living with other people is very stressful at the best of times, let alone with a baby, so having arguments is understandable. Try not to worry too much about it, so long as you take steps to understand why you're arguing and what the triggers are.

    If you're both prepared to work through it you will be fine, but you have to understand what is causing the arguments. This will involve being very honest and might not make for nice listening. But it's worth it if you're prepared to go through it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks for the comments. yeah i think when my sister and brother in law go away it will be a test run. were looking at a place of our own but want to sort our problems out at the moment as mooving in is a big step. im also in a sticky position as i have to help my sister and brother in law as she is suffering with postnatal depression.

    i think my partner is really tyring to fix things aswell as he is going on about us two going abroud for a few weeks as a break. this makes me feel alot better as i know im not the only one trying and he wants to fight for me aswell which sounds stupid but makes it a little easier.

    since i posted my post on here we had a good few nights but again we had a massive row only after one or two nice nights together and again he was drinking.

    do you think that the drink is the main problem in our relationship

    thanks again for your comments x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well i'm sure his drinking isn't helping the situation. He's may be using it as a crutch. He's obviously not feeling very good, fighting can take it toll. You need to decide if this is what you want. I know no relationship is perfect, but it is meant to be good on the whole. If he is drinking every day it's not good. The break is a good idea if you can afford it, but you need to make a pact to stop arguing on hol so that you both get some chill out time. I hope it works out for you xxx
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