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Just been diagnosed with depression

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Health & Wellbeing
Since high school, thats about six years I've been self harming and suffered from personal insecurities, low self confidence, thoughts that i was worthless, a failure, a jinx ect..I reckon this was due to being bullied for several years in primary and high school, being called monkey or ugly, and some small practical pranks being pulled..
My past always tends to haunt me as such, i do get times in life where i do feel happy but then it all comes back and i get the strong urge to self harm to release the anger and to punish myself for whatever, i.e if i done something wrong, however small it may of been i would punish myself for it..In high school it was more a few times a week sort of thing until i left it was mayb a few times a month n then could be every few months, ive not done it in about 3-4 months so far,but recently the temptation has been overwhelming.
About 3 months ago I moved away from home to live with my fantastic girlfriend, and its goin great its the only great thing in my life at the moment. shes so supportive as shes been through depression in her past, i love her to bits and she makes me happy.About a month ago i went to docs about a urine infection but mentioned how i was feeling and got referred to a counsellor, still waiting! I did enjoy my job before my week off, maybe i just need to get back into the routine of it again? :S
I dont yet have any friends up here, and the friends back at my mums dont esactly understand about my self harming and past..
Iv been discussing my feelings to My girlfriend and the other i got upset because of gettin scared of the temptation, telling her the thoughts i was having of self harming and overdosing, she wasked are you sucidal? The thing is i dont wanna die..i just dont wanna feel like this anymore, im sick of feeling this.
I woke up for work this morning,scared to go in (second day back from having a holiday) i dont understand why i was scared or nervous to go in,but i pulled a sicky and decided i wanted to see a doc today before i got out of hand..so i went, talked through my feelings and thoughts, and was prescribed 'Fluoxetine' 20mg, first time iv actully felt like its a step forward..I hope they help in one way or another and that i get my counsellors appointment soon

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well done for going to the doctors, the first step is always the hardest. I was diagnosed with severe depression a few weeks ago and been put on fluoxetine. I have been through similar stuff to you, its good that you have a supportive girlfriend.
    keep going and its good that you have found this site to get some support. have you trieddistracting youself from self harming thoughts, watching a film, reading or writing down your feelings, i try them sometimes occassionally they work for me, but i cant get through a day without self harm.
    hope you get a counselling appointment soon and it goes well, take care and if you want to talk about anything then feel free to send me a private message, I am here if you need to talk. :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've also been prescribed fluoxetine recently. I don't feel 100% better but I do feel a lot more stable and a lot calmer and less likely to do something silly or spontaneously burst into floods of tears for no reason. I had my situation reviewed today and I've been given another months worth to be reviewed again when they run out.

    I'm sure you probably know this, but they usually take a couple of weeks to take full effect and if you think they're not working/think you're better you should talk it through with your doctor first, otherwise you could end up making yourself feel worse by not taking them.

    I hope you get to see a counsellor soon. I have a very nice one who I find helpful, though I've unfortunately not been able to see her for a while due to her being in Norwich and me being in Romford.

    Finally, I'd just like to say that it's really good that your girlfriend is being so supportive. When you're having problems it's important to have people arround you who are being supportive. I moved back home earlier than I'd planned to for the Summer so that I could be with my family and with my friends who've been a great help. I think the best thing for me has been going back to my old job because I have something to do rather than sitting at home just over-thinking all the time. If you'd like to PM me, feel free at any time :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi iv posted a thread road to recovery it's a lil story about how I helped myself and maintain myself tday n every day by eliminating harmful chemicals out of my diet it's seriously may be yr prob 2 wud only takeS a few days it cud change yr life like it has 2 mine jus think al that madnes that's hounted u n no reason 4 it resolved iv taken all my madnes away and all my issues 2 it controlled me now I controll it Its bland but beleave me extremely effective it allows chemical imbalance to be balance naturally.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    re

    Hey hide&seek, :)

    Thanks for sharing your recent feelings and thoughts with the forum, we hope that sharing is offering you some comfort at the moment. Like imohorn18 and marina aniseed have mentioned asking help from your doctor and getting the understanding of your girlfriend appear seem to be good contingencies of keeping your self focused, aware and not ignoring the problem. Living with depression is not an easy thing but you seem determined to tackle it so well done you! hopefully you will be allocated your counsellor soon also and that this will be beneficial to you.

    keep us posted:wave:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks people for replying and writing on my post, i didnt think anyone would but its good knowing that theres people out there care and are theyr for a talk and advice n whatnot.
    I had a relapse yesterday, the temptation and the frustration of all my feels within in me got too much to handle and broke.
    I soo cant wait for these tablets to start helping in one way or another and to get my counsellors appointment soon..Its very much needed.
    Thanks for the replys people :)
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