Suicidal? Please help. =/

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
Things have been a mess for me over the past 5 years.. and the last 2 years especially, have just gotten too much.

But, the last few months, I've started to feel suicidal.. I didn't actually kinda realize it until lately, when it hit me that I've been thinking about death so much, how much easier life would be, and it would sort out the aspect that I don't really want to be living anyway.
And I know I should think of the people I'm effecting by killing myself- but I've learnt not to care and learnt to shut myself down lately, and I do it quite a lot unintentionally.. which helps forget who would be effecting.
And the fact is; most people would get over it, except close family, but either way I won't be around to see it.
(I know this sounds selfish, I'm just going through what's gone through my mind)

I'm just..not sure what I should do. I know it isn't right to feel this way. But. It's more appealing than living is right now.
But.
Yeah.

Please help. =\

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Admittedly, I haven't exactly said what I'm asked help for.

    I'm not sure. I think I just need a point in the right direction, or someone just to say something, or talk too.
    Because quite frankly, I have no idea what I'm doing, except for steadily making things worse, and driving myself crazy in the process.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Would you be able to explain if it is something in particular which has made you feel this way?

    Feeling suicidal often makes you feel isolated from all those around you. Is there anyone who you feel able to confide in?

    You're in no way being selfish, in fact the way you are thinking about how you may affect other other people is a very unselfish act.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh.. that's a good point. I haven't really put any reasons in.

    Um. Well. I've become increasily paranoid over the past year- at first it was just simply thinking people were talking about me and laughing at me, but then it became me thinking that cameras are watching me. I kinda ignore that now, though. But now I'm convinced that everyone thinks I'm insane and weird.. and it's like, you know.. I really do think they do think I am =\ And all the evidence proves it.
    Whether it's true or not- it makes me feel terrible and crap in myself. I've lost most confidence and became extremely insecure lately. I've started to withdraw and don't tend to go outside much anymore; I panic about meeting up with friends, and tend to cancel at last minute.

    I'm quite unhappy, too.. but that's not shocker, as I've been unhappy for a while. I get extremely angry or agitated + worked up a lot, which is a bit annoying, and difficult to control..

    And.. I'm leaving school this year, too. My last offical day was on Friday- I only go in for exams now. But that's scaring me a lot, because I'm really really nervous about being alone. I've always had the thought that there is someone I can go too or talk to if I need it, but once I've actually left, I'm going to be completely alone.
    I haven't applied for college yet, but I'm also scared about that because of my anxiety and insecurities and paranoia.

    I'm also starting to shut my feelings off, or turning back to drugs and alcohol again, which is stupid, I know.
    I don't seem to care about much, and can't get motivated to do anything.

    Everything is just a bit of a mess.
    I'm obsessed with the idea that there might be something wrong with me, or that I'm insane, which is I think where the paranoia stems from..

    Sorry, that's a really long explanation. I'll stop typing now.
  • JsTJsT TheSite Graduate Posts: 18,261
    Are you taking any medication? Anti-depressents etc?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No I'm not. This forum, and a couple of others, are the first places I've asked for help about anything.

    I'm not sure if it's a serious issue or not. I don't know if what I'm feeling is real, or I'm just kidding myself about the whole thing. I am quite sure it's real, though..
    Sorry- I sound like such a mess.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey :)

    Are you feeling any better?
    Maybe you could go see your GP? They would be able to help and point you in the right direction. Or if you really don't want to you can send me a message as I am experiencing similar things. Or you could ring samaritains?and check out some of the information pages on this site?

    Hope you feel better
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hey
    really sorry you are feeling like this, I understand I am feeling simular at the moment. maybe try going to your doctors, they may beable to point you in the right direction or give u some help.
    If you want to talk then feel free to send me a message.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    As notanotherusername says a trip to the GP could be a really good place to start to talk things through and see what support they can offer you.

    From what you've said you're worried about being alone now that school is over but you're also canceling plans with friends due to your parnoia and insecurities. It sounds like you're self-esteem has taken a bit of a hit but there are lots of things that you can do to build it back up again. Small things like eating well and doing a bit of exercise can really help to lift your mood and boost your confidence.

    You also mentioned you're not sure if this is all real, it could really help to talk this through. If not with your GP then you can always call the Samaritans on 08457 909090 or email them, [email protected].

    We also have an article about paranoia that you may find useful to read and certainly drugs and alcohol aren't going to help these feelings, they are likely to make it worse.

    Quite a bit to read and think about here but hopefully it gives you some food for thought. These feelings may seem overwhelming right now but you do seem very self-aware and you know that something isn't quite right at the moment. Talking to someone whether it's a good friend, your GP or the Samaritans will help you to find ways to feel better, to cope with how you're feeling and maybe give you the confidence to make that application to college too. It's common to isolate yourself with these kind of emotions but taking a step to socialise again even if it's just going for a coffee with a mate or going to watch a movie can ease you back in to things.

    Take care :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey :)

    Are you feeling any better?
    Maybe you could go see your GP? They would be able to help and point you in the right direction. Or if you really don't want to you can send me a message as I am experiencing similar things. Or you could ring samaritains?and check out some of the information pages on this site?

    Hope you feel better

    Hello.
    I have calmed down a bit, since yesterday & writing that :blush: For the most part, anyway. I woke up today thinking about suicide, and thinking I was having a psychotic episode. :no:

    I've been thinking about my GP.. it seems like the only step forward.. I'm just too afraid too. I don't know what I'll say or if they'll believe me.
    I'm sorry you're going through a similar situation :/ Likewise, if you ever want to talk, you're most welcome to send me a message.
    I think if things get any worse, I will ring Childline or the Samaritans. I'm thinking about sending them an email now.
    I hope things improve for you. :\

    Thanks for replying. Your message means a lot. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    imohorn18 wrote: »
    hey
    really sorry you are feeling like this, I understand I am feeling simular at the moment. maybe try going to your doctors, they may beable to point you in the right direction or give u some help.
    If you want to talk then feel free to send me a message.

    Thanks for your reply. It is greatly appreciated.
    I'm sorry you're going through a similar experience. Likewise, if you ever want to talk, I'm always here for you, too! (:
    I think I will see my doctor.. it seems like the only way forward. Maybe you should, too?
    Thanks again. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jo7 wrote: »
    As notanotherusername says a trip to the GP could be a really good place to start to talk things through and see what support they can offer you.

    From what you've said you're worried about being alone now that school is over but you're also canceling plans with friends due to your parnoia and insecurities. It sounds like you're self-esteem has taken a bit of a hit but there are lots of things that you can do to build it back up again. Small things like eating well and doing a bit of exercise can really help to lift your mood and boost your confidence.

    You also mentioned you're not sure if this is all real, it could really help to talk this through. If not with your GP then you can always call the Samaritans on 08457 909090 or email them, [email protected].

    We also have an article about paranoia that you may find useful to read and certainly drugs and alcohol aren't going to help these feelings, they are likely to make it worse.

    Quite a bit to read and think about here but hopefully it gives you some food for thought. These feelings may seem overwhelming right now but you do seem very self-aware and you know that something isn't quite right at the moment. Talking to someone whether it's a good friend, your GP or the Samaritans will help you to find ways to feel better, to cope with how you're feeling and maybe give you the confidence to make that application to college too. It's common to isolate yourself with these kind of emotions but taking a step to socialise again even if it's just going for a coffee with a mate or going to watch a movie can ease you back in to things.

    Take care :)

    Hello.

    I've been thinking about seeing my GP.. I'm just to afraid too. For several reasons over the past few years, I've needed to seek help, and people have always told me to see a doctor, but I'm struggling to do it. I know it's stupid. The last time I saw my GP and she put me onto help, my parents knew about it, + she told me they wouldn't. It kind of betrays my trust in seeing her again.

    I've taken your advice, and am already trying to eat well and get more exercise, but I'm not sure what more I can do :\ My self-esteem is sort of bad, but, I lack the motivation to.. well.. improve it. Even if I had the motivation, to try and boost my self-esteem would be kinda stupid 'cos some of the stuff that makes me feel shit is all out of my control, and kinda true anyway. If that makes sense?

    Thankyou for everything you've said, I really really appreciate it. I'm gunna try and help myself by some of the things suggested, and see where that gets me.
    Things just don't seem to be looking up.. my paranoia is constantly getting worse, and I'm scared I'm having some sort of psychotic episode because I'm so so convinced my beliefs are real, infact I know they're real. And I'm only doubting myself because it's habit.I don't know.

    Thanks again. :)
    I'm attempting at going to town with a friend tomorrow, and resisting all urges to cancel it, so there's a start. :P
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hello underageflyklub :wave:

    Hope it going well you`ve had some great advice, and you sound really positive about starting to put things in place, you dont have to be alone though.

    You may be able to vist a different GP, if your trust has gone in the first one, give them a ring and ask them about there confidentiality policy, this may help you get that extra support.

    You mentioned childline, its a free service and can offer you some one to talk to 7 days a week and its free from a mobile.
    They will be able to put you in touch with services in your area and may be able to offer you a regular caller spot where you get to speak with someone each week to work on the issues that are holding you back. You ve got the site as well so grab all that support you can.:)

    Take care good luck :thumb:
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