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Overwhelming suicidal urges.
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Searching help sites into google I came to this and I feel I need help.
Lately i've been having these overwhelming thoughts about suicide and starting self harm again but it's tonight it's gotten the worst.
Searching help sites into google I came to this and I feel I need help.
I've been feeling very depressed lately and haven't self harned in just over a year.
But i've really wanted to tonight.
I have a razer with me and actually grabbed it and went to push it into my wrist but self control came over me and I was shocked.
I want to do it. I want to physically hurt myself just to take away some of this mental pain.
I really do need help.
Lately i've been having these overwhelming thoughts about suicide and starting self harm again but it's tonight it's gotten the worst.
Searching help sites into google I came to this and I feel I need help.
I've been feeling very depressed lately and haven't self harned in just over a year.
But i've really wanted to tonight.
I have a razer with me and actually grabbed it and went to push it into my wrist but self control came over me and I was shocked.
I want to do it. I want to physically hurt myself just to take away some of this mental pain.
I really do need help.
0
Comments
http://www.samaritans.org/
http://www.supportline.org.uk/
http://www.sane.org.uk/SANEline
I wish you the best of luck. A year is a massive achievement, it really is...
Thank you for your concern and posting the above links.
Not lying the year has been tough to not do it, my girlfriend has helped alot.
But lately I just feel so low it's just silly.
But I don't want to call right now as I really don't want my mum to wake up and hear my conversation.
Physically I can't stay awake any longer, i've exhausted myself.
I'm going to sleep and hopefully i'll feel better tomorrow.
It'll catch up on me through the day but at least then I can call somebody.
Thanks for your help so far.
Consequently, things often do tend to feel better in the morning, though it's something of a cliche. We can be lost in an infinite turmoil when things are bad, but sometimes it's a little easier to see a little light on our predicatment in the morning.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep#Memory_processing
Didn't have enough physical energy to move first time I got up, but after a few more alarm bells I finally managed to move.
The day has been active.
Went to town with the GF but when we got back to hers, her mum and her ended up having a completely pointless argument which just got me really worked up as I was stuck in the middle of things.
Currently i'm trying to occupy myself with practising singing again to take my mind off things and so far it's working.
My voice can't go that high but I can sing things like panic at the disco and the fall of troy. Have any suggestions to try and take my mind off of things?
Thanks for that write up and the link click.
That was really nice of you, thank you.
Im glad your feeling better
Jogging? Kickboxing? after a good work out, the body relases happy hormones, cant remember the appropriate name :P and also, you can relieve some stress out on the bags.
You mentioned singing, how about try writing some lyrics?
Keep us posted :thumb:
I'm just glad things are a little better for you today.
Jogging? Kickboxing? after a good work out, the body relases happy hormones, cant remember the appropriate name :P and also, you can relieve some stress out on the bags.
You mentioned singing, how about try writing some lyrics?
Keep us posted
I used to draw a lot if i'm honest.
But I just haven't had the inspiration or anything for for last 2 years really. Media course in college kind of ruined it all for me.
I could write poetry again, but again I haven't done that in years.
I'd like to do some sort of physical activity again =]
I used to skate but I don't know anywhere to do it around here anymore, I can't do boxing anymore since i've broken both of my wrists twice lol
and happy hormones, I think they're called endorphines or something? Forgotten the exact spelling =]
I haven't written lyrics in a while, but I think i'll start doing that again along with some poetry just to get my anger and hurt out onto some paper.
One of my goals is getting a job, but it's so hard getting one around here and that's one of the main things getting me down so much.
I want a job so I can afford a car, which is one of my obsessions.
Due to the way I look though a lot of employers have pushed their noses up at me and hired some bucktooth little moron in my place.
But I will not change my look for anybody. I can take the piercings out yes, but I shall never cut my hair short.
Today was a better day but althrough out the day I have been thinking a lot so I did have a bit of a bad spell earlier.
I just can't shake these emotions.
I want to just do something and it's taking all of my self control not to.
Your girlfriend obviously knows all this and you said she was supportive. Have you kept her informed about these feelings recently?
Exercise of course - when I'm down it's the one thing guaranteed to help. Can you find a temporary solution like go for a run or go find somewhere to skate?
And yeh, the job situation sounds difficult. I don't know if you've had a look around thesite.org but there's a whole section on getting a job which could be of some use to you.
I really hope some of these things might help; you've got lots of options anyway and lots of people here as well as in your personal life wanting to help you. You ok today?
Yesterday wasn't too bad.
Had another bad spell but it soon lifted.
But emotionally today, i'm a wreck.
Right now anyway.
I made a big mistake at my girlfriend's house and accidently spilled something on the new carpet *which is very expensive* and it's slightly stained.
I'm really hoping her parents don't notice the stain in the morning.
But I got so upset about it earlier.
I broke down and started crying and all my girlfriend could do was tell me to stop it and go away while she tried to clean.
I even tried helping but I just got a go away.
I understand her reaction but there was no sorry afterwards.
Sure enough it was my fault, but I didn't intentionally collapse did I. =[
I'm going back over in a minute because she doesn't want to be alone in the morning if her parents notice and fly off the handle.
But I don't want to go back.. I promised her I would and I know she's going to be super pissed if I don't go back and she has to be alone tomorrow.
I don't know..
I just want to crawl up into a bal and end everything right now..
I feel so low this is just stupid.
I haven't told her about any of these current emotions soph sorry to say.
I don't want her to know i've been concidering suicide or self harm.
Especially since she's still getting over her dad attempting it very recently.
I couldn't put her through that.
I won't be able to check this again tonight.
Which i'd really like to, but I really don't want my GF to know.
Ty.
Gaz.
That is a hell of a situation! If the little things are getting to you like this, I'm guessing it's because you are gathering all your worries and feelings into one, without being able to separate them out into manageable chunks, which is what often happens when people are depressed.
(someone thoughtful like you might fancy reading more about the issue. Have you looked at TheSite.org factsheets? Links on the right of each article).
So I suggest, instead of seeing your life as one huge problem, try and focus on your priorities. And if you can, never do this without also thinking about possible solutions or things you're looking forward to doing to make you feel better (like the hobbies you were talking about before).
This might make you think about telling your girlfriend, since she matters so much to you. It might make it easier for her if you tell her how wonderful she was last time and how much you appreciated her help. You don't have to tell her about the self harming again if you don't want to. If not, is there someone else you could talk to?
what do others think, if you're reading this? Has anyone got any advice or experience with digging yourself out of these feelings?
I hope your girlfriend's parents don't notice!
I stayed up all night at theirs but ended up passing out on the sofa waiting for her dad to wake up so i could apologise.
Ended up waking up at like 10am and told him, luckily they didn't go mad.
I've been trying to manage my life in small doses for a while I have soph, but no matter what I try, the bit sized portions end up becoming jaw breaking gob stoppers.
I've just been soo depressed as of late i've got no reason to get up in the mornings.
My average wake up time is about 1pm. Sometimes i'd sleep as late as 3pm even 4pm on the odd day!
I've been trying to get myself up earlier as of late though to try and help my mood so I wouldn't be wasting my days away in bed. But so far it's not been doing a world of good.
I've talked to two friends about my feelings, but not to the full extent that they are.
They did help, but only for a short period of time.
I AM going to make my way to the doctors at some point, it's just being able to wake up at 7:30am to get there on time to get to see someone.
I can't tell my girlfriend.
She does mean the world to me but that's one of the reasons I can't say anythingto her.
Right now she's so stressed with her first yea in 6th form and is finding it very difficult, but she's still managing to do really well, which is more than I can say for myself.
She's also stressed with how her mum is treating her dad and how her dad has been feeling depressed lately due to his failed suicide attempt the other week.
It's all a bit too much for her so i'm being her wall, which i've always been for everyone of my friends.
Shee's worried her dad's going to try it again if her mum keeps acting the way she does. And she doesn't want her family to split up which she thinks they might.
I'm having to bare all of this on me, it feels like half of the world.
I've also noticed a slight drop in my attitude lately too.
I'm still the same me and I try to be around people, but i've been having these bad moments when i'm out and even worse when i'm on my own as i've described.
Also noticed that i've been doing some of the same things I used to do when I started cutting.
I've started not caring what people think again and starte dto wear my eye liner and stuff a lot more lately.
I'm beginning to not give a rats ass now and I really do just want people to see i'm serious.
I'm so close to the edge I can taste the sweet embrace.
This is just getting way too hard now.
I want to start self harming again, and I feel as if I need to do it to cope.
I'm sorry to seem like i'm attention seeking I really am =[
I'm not meaning to post these huge walls of text and put all this pressure on you all to help =[
I'm not meaning to do it..
You seem really overwhelmed by all of these problems you have to deal with (and not just your own ones!). So I would say it is definitely worth seeking further help here.
Do you think it would be worth concentrating on achieving this, just so you can look forward to some real support? The doctor will have a lot of experience with things like this, they should understand your problems and might do something like put forward for counselling.
Meanwhile, did you get a reply from the Samaritans? If you’re looking for more active, personalised advice, I would recommend a supportline as ‘Click to see more’ says. There are lots of options: something like The Samaritans will lend you a friendly ear and listen while you talk things through, while Supportline might be able to offer you some proactive coping strategies.
Sometimes seeking support is the hardest thing about getting better. But it sounds like you really want to nip this in the bud, and I’m sure you are strong enough to do that.
I have to go their about my eye aswell since the vision in my left eye is getting quite bad lately and I have conjunctivitis again.
Being able to wake up on time and get my butt down their is a personal goal right now, so is being able to get the help I need and want.
It's taking a lot of self restraint but i'm trying my best to keep it together =]
Not just for myself but others to, I don't want this to evolve into a more serious problem.
I have contacted the samaritans and have been sending and recieving emails since the first day i've posted.
They have been a little helpful but not to the extent i'd had hoped.
Hey A4 ring binder, thank you for the post.
I'm just a tad confused by it.
Are you refering to me or the poster before you?
Just to clarify =]
I've been close to many people who have attempted or actually succeeded with it cool2play22.
The aftermath isn't nice in either case and i've been stuck right in the middle as it was me trying to help them.
Sometimes i've been successful in helping, others not so much.
People that were very close aswell.
Knowing my luck i'd screw it up in some way.
Thank you for your ongoing support, it is making things a little easier to cope knowing I have somebody there that I am able to talk to.
I want to try and start posting on here through the day, it's just trying to find time to do it when people aren't in my bedroom talking to me or when my girlfriend is over.
Gareth.
I really am about to give up on everything.
No matter what I try to do lately that's good, something bad just throws everything right back into my face.
I'm on a self downer right now and i'm pretty close to breaking point.
I haven't been to the doctors yet soph.
Went down the other day but nobody at all could see me.
Tried ringing but it's been a nightmare to get an appointment.
Sorry to hear that you feel like giving up on everything. Sometimes it feels like everything happens all at once. If you feel close to breaking point, perhaps try something to ease the downer you are on - talk to a friend or family member, play some music, watch a 'feel good' DVD? You could also talk to someone confidentially at a helpline - Samaritans (08457 90 90 90) or Supportline ((020) 8554 9004) are some that we often suggest.
It can incredibly frustrating to get a Doctor's appointment, how about asking them what their booking system is, as they all tend to differ. It may mean having to go there or make a telephone call early in the morning to get an appointment, how would it feel to do that?
Take care and keep posting