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boyfriend talking dirty to a female friend

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
I know this is wrong and have never done this before but I felt that my boyfriend was hiding things from me, I found his saved messages on msn talking to a female friend that he's known for years. They fell out of contact when we started dating but they are back in contact.
In the saved messages he was talking to her about our sex life and this has nothing to do with her and then he was saying to her how he'd want a blowjob from her. I know this is disgusting sorry....
I've been with my boyfriend for 3years, should I worry about this or is it flirting and banter that i shouldn't know about. He loves me and is happy with me and we are great together. I'm just so confused why he would say this to her!! Please help, and advice i appreciate

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That's a little inappropriate. I have female friends I might flirt with a bit, but nothing like that. I also have female friends who talk to me about their boyfriends and sex lives (and vice versa on the rare occasions I actually have one), but again, not in too much detail.

    I'm not sure about this. On the one hand, it's not worth admitting to going behind his back over something that might be relatively minor, that nothing is going to come of. On the other hand, I'd be concerned if she was an ex-girlfriend, or a friend who he had feelings for in the past but nothing happened for whatever reason. I don't know about other people, but I wouldn't say those sorts of things to someone who's just a female friend. But I know nothing about the relationship between him and her. They might just have a wierd sense of humour.

    I guess it comes down to whether you think there's enough in it that you don't mind admitting snooping. Because admitting snooping on something that turns out to be innocent could be damaging. But so could leaving something that is causing you not to trust him.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It probably is inappropriate, but it's along the lines of things I'd say. I've never been unfaithful in my life, but I've said some rotten things over the years. A good example...

    I go over to my friends' house. His wife answers the door, with him standing next to her. We exchange our usual hello nonsense, and I ask how she is. "3 months pregnant!" is the answer. I smile, and congratulate them both. I put my hand out to shake my friends' hand, but swiftly retract when he puts his hand out. I look ever so worried, turn to his wife, and say "Is it mine?"

    Inappropriate and wrong? Most likely... but my friends and I all know what each other is like. We're all different, at the end of the day.

    By the way, my case wasn't helped when his daughter kept referring to me as Daddy every time I went over... ;)

    ETA - sex lives... some people are open, some aren't. Whilst we're all different, it is wrong to act in a way contrary to the wishes of your partner, so that side of things isn't really right IMO.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you obviously didn't trust him to have a look in messages in the first place.

    I think you need trust in a relationship so you need to talk to him about any concerns you might have.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's probably to worry about. (not the talking about your sex life [except he said it's boring]), but the blowjob thing alarms me a bit. I have this kind of relationship with a girl too (she has a boyfriend), but I know she is 1000% faithful (not that I want something with her anyway, but just saying).

    I think as long as he doesn't meet up with her or you recognize a strong decline in your relationship/sex life etc. stop snooping in his private stuff, because that puts a lot of strain to the relationship if it comes out and makes your stupid out of jealousy, because you say to yourself, "All I have to do is have a look and I know what's going on."
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have spoken to him about him and this female friend, and they have never had a relationship, and he says I have nothing to worry about because he doesn't see her in that way at all. But sometimes I find the things he says to her inappropriate, I guess that is why i felt the need to look at his messages, and no good came out of it. It is his privacy and I should appreciate that and accept. I don't ever want to snoop. It is wrong. i am just worried it could be something more going on. but then it could of just been them joking and playing around. It did hurt me and I just want to know from you guys if I should worry or if it is just the way he is? Thankyou
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think most people talk about sex with friends and sometimes the line between appropriate banter and inappropriate is pretty fine. Without knowing the context of their relationship it's hard to say whether it's the death knell for your relationship is not.

    My sister-in-law went through a phase of always joking about blowjobs whenever I saw her, but she wasn't exactly going to go for a slice of cheesecake...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Gracex wrote: »
    I know this is wrong and have never done this before but I felt that my boyfriend was hiding things from me, I found his saved messages on msn talking to a female friend that he's known for years. They fell out of contact when we started dating but they are back in contact.
    In the saved messages he was talking to her about our sex life and this has nothing to do with her and then he was saying to her how he'd want a blowjob from her. I know this is disgusting sorry....
    I've been with my boyfriend for 3years, should I worry about this or is it flirting and banter that i shouldn't know about. He loves me and is happy with me and we are great together. I'm just so confused why he would say this to her!! Please help, and advice i appreciate

    Talk to him n get some sense into him, if not..be on ur bike :/
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Talk to him n get some sense into him, if not..be on ur bike :/

    I woudnt go as far as "be on your bike", but yeah, you need to talk to him. Everyones advice is great! I think if i saw my boyfriend sending a text like that, i would be extremely paranoid! It really depends on the type of person he is, is he a flirtatious person? It could just be a personal joke between them.

    Dont let your mind run away with you untill you have all the information :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes he is quite flirtatious and always has been with his female friends, but this doesn't bother me because I accept him for who he is as a person. Also he is at uni, so we have a long distance relationship which is hard at times but we are good together and work together to fill eachothers needs etc. Maybe he just needed attention, I don't know!! Argh it is difficult. But I think I will just have to leave it and pretend nothing happened. What do you think?
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