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Controlling mum
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
My girlfriend is 22 and i am 23 and she is totally dominated by her mum she has her own car and she has her own job but her mum controls her like mad my Gf cannot go out without her mums permission and it seems the only time her mum will allow her to go out is if its either to go to work, go out with her brother and sister, to go out on a works do or to go babysitting and even that is if her mum does not need a chauffeur. at first her mum was ok with me i went round there a few times for dinner and her family was accepting of me but even then her mum would only let her out once a week to see me so we decided to find a place together and as soon as she mentioned this to her mum she went mental her mum tried to ring me i answered and was caught off guard and froze so she slammed the phone down so i decided to confront her face to face by heading to there house where her mum jus slammed the phone on me so i waited in the rain for hours but my gf told me to go home in the end the next night she text me and told me her mum had told her if she saw or spoke to me again she would never speak to her ever again so me and my GF broke up but after a day me and her realised it hurts too much and we love eachother too much to end it so for the past 5 months we have been seeing eachother behind her parents backs and now her mum is suspicious and my girlfriend is now confused on what to do i have asked her why her mum does not want her seeing me and she says her mum told her im a nice guy but im not the right one for her and everytime i talk to my gf about it she tells me not to make her choose between her and her family and has made me swear and told me she would never speak to me again if i confronted her mum, what can i do?
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Comments
It's not uncommon that mothers and daughters have extremely close yet tense relationships and it's natural that her mother is protective although it seems she may be being a little over-protective here
Perhaps your girlfriend could try sitting down with her mum and talking calmly about how she feels or even writing her a letter to explain. Continuing to be in a relationship in secret might not work in your favour if she does find out?
It seems that until you mentioned moving in together things were going OK, perhaps starting again and sticking it out under her terms of seeing each other once a week could work for a while and you can regain her trust and gradually see eachother more. You're both obviously keen to jump in with both feet but it may take some time for her and her mum to really resolve this.
I cannot believe your girlfriend is allowing her mother to treat her like this? YOu are both old enough to be married & have a family of your own! As long as you have treated your girlfriend well, her mother has no right to interfere in her personal life. Threats like "it's us or him" amounts to emotional blackmail, and any mother that loves her daughter would not do this! It would be different if there was a genuine reason for concern! She has her own Job & car, and if she wants to move out of home she should! Maybe ye shouldn't live together straight away, but that would be so that ye can see over time if ye really want to be together in the long term. I mean if your girlfriend worked miles away from home, her mother wouldn't know what she was up to! This umbilicail cord needs to be cut & fast!
give her space? you've got to respect what she wants
I think your girlfriend only wants "space" so her mother will stop wrecking her head! I can see your girlfriend as a quiet, sweet girl, who's never put a foot wrong in her 22 years, & her mother is totally abusing that. It is ridicolous that her mother is making her choose between you & them. People that do that always lose out in the end. Years ago, a cousin of mine was dating this guy, & her mother thought he wasn't "good enough" & gave her an ultimatum. My cousin has now not spoken to her mother for over ten years & has never seen her grandchildren, because she was stupid & selfish enough to back her daughter into a corner! If I were the 2 of ye, I'd look into emigrating!!!