Absolutely No Idea..

Hi everyone..

I'm not too sure if I should've started a new thread for this so feel free to close it down or remove it...

I've been a bit down for about the last month, I've had the same feelings before but this time it seems to be a bit more... consistant? It's like, everyday I'm feeling low at some point whereas before it might only have been 2 or 3 days a week. Sorry about the rambling it's just I'm not sure what to write that would help you to see my... problem?
The thing is I have pretty much no idea what is causing it. My guess is that it has something to do with the guilt I feel. I'm constantly hurting people. It disgusts me really. But I know there is something else. And when I'm alone I try to relax and calm myself and try to go through my head to try and figure out what's wrong but it never works. My stomach will do summersalts (sp?) because I'll think of recent events... Or I'll have the urge to inflict damage on myself by cutting. (Which I rarely do now as my mum thinks I'm on the path to recovery and is encouraging me to wear short sleeves so I find it hard to hide them now...) It is extremely frustrating and I'm not sleeping which is probably another reason for the low moods. Another one could just be my hormones and things like that. I'm not entirely sure..

I'm actually starting to get pains now. I used to get... not really pains, but feelings that were distressing to me, before. Now, if i think about certain things i'll actually get a headache or stomach ache. And I know i shouldn't but i take painkillers to make it go away. I suppose they don't really work.

I said before about how it had been worse for the past month. Recently, since about 10 days ago it's been suicidal thoughts. And i've told a friend. But i am now trying to convince him to forget it and it's not working. he has his own issues to deal with and he is now having to think about me as well. it isn't fair at all. he has said he'll help but i'm now refusing anything from him and that makes me feel worse. i desperately want everything to go away. the pain i'm feeling the pain im making everone else feel. i want it all to go. and i want to do that by talking to someone but whenever i try i can't speak or i cant think of what to say. so now there's only one way away from everything...

i am so so so sorry for the length of this.
please delete it or close it down if you think it isn't relevant.
i just wondered if there was any help for me i feel its all over now.
I'm sorry for using up space on here and stuff.

A. x

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Can I ask you in what way you've hurt people?
  • Annaarrr!!Annaarrr!! Noob Posts: 876
    I'm Not Sure... I Never Mean To. I Suppose It's Because I'm So God Damn Selfish All The Time! Talking About Myself A Lot... As You Can See ^^
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How do you know you hurt people then?
  • Annaarrr!!Annaarrr!! Noob Posts: 876
    Because They Will Completely Avoid Me In School, Be Like Oh Just Shut The F*** Up And There's This One Girl I Continuously Upset Who Is The Nicest Most Amazing Person Ever And She Ends Up Swearing At Me. She Tells Me It Isn't My Fault It Blatantly Is.
    I Really Should Stop.
    Maybe We Should Delete This Thread.
    I'm Talking To Much ):
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Talk as much as you like, that's why the forums exist.
  • Annaarrr!!Annaarrr!! Noob Posts: 876
    Ok, Sorry
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No need to apologize.

    You clearly have a problem with self-confidence. Having such a downer on yourself is always going to make you feel depressed.
  • Annaarrr!!Annaarrr!! Noob Posts: 876
    yeah there is...
    maybe i dunno can't think too well at the moment.
    sorry for wasting your time and stuff...
    everyones asleep so i'm going to see if there's anything interesting around.
    hiding it doesn't really matter now i suppose.
    sorry
    thank you
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You really need to stop apologizing. Talking usually helps most people.
  • Annaarrr!!Annaarrr!! Noob Posts: 876
    i usually feel 10 times worse after i've asked someone to help.
    then i feel i have to take it back and convince people not to help me.
    too much of a burden.
  • Annaarrr!!Annaarrr!! Noob Posts: 876
    ):

    Ok A Teacher In School Has Realised Something Is Wrong.
    He Thinks It's His Fault Because He Thinks He Hasn't Done Something Or Has Done Something.
    It Makes Absolutely No Sense And I'm Worried As Hell.
    I Tried To Say That It Wasn't Anyones Fault I Was Just Down.
    I Wanted To Tell Him I Wanted Help. My Brain And Mouth Froze And Refused To Work...
    And I Want To Cry So Much But The Tears Don't Come Anymore ):

    Sorry If It Sounds Like I'm Moaning
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