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The Wrong Decision

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi,

I really REALLY need some advice on this:

Basically I'm stuck in uni til I'm 24 and this gets me down so much. I originally went in 05 but had met a guy at home so dropped out at the end of year 1 without actually completing. It was all great, we got a house together and i re started at a nearer uni on a similar course when I was 21. However we have now split up and lost our house anyway. I'm now left with a horrible sense of regret that I just can't shift that I should've just stuck it out at my old uni as I would be finishing now, but instead I have another two years to go! I have no money and now have to live with my decision even though all my friends finished nearly two years ago, are working and enjoying being 20 somethings. Whereas I'm still stuck as a child. Reading back over this I feel like I sound like I'm just moning and am pathetic but I really really really think I made the biggest mistake of my life when I came home the first time. It's been getting to me so much that I've been put on anti depressants and tablets for panic attacks and anxiety.

Is ANYONE in a similar situation or can give me some advice on this?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi,

    I really REALLY need some advice on this:

    Basically I'm stuck in uni til I'm 24 and this gets me down so much. I originally went in 05 but had met a guy at home so dropped out at the end of year 1 without actually completing. It was all great, we got a house together and i re started at a nearer uni on a similar course when I was 21. However we have now split up and lost our house anyway. I'm now left with a horrible sense of regret that I just can't shift that I should've just stuck it out at my old uni as I would be finishing now, but instead I have another two years to go! I have no money and now have to live with my decision even though all my friends finished nearly two years ago, are working and enjoying being 20 somethings. Whereas I'm still stuck as a child. Reading back over this I feel like I sound like I'm just moning and am pathetic but I really really really think I made the biggest mistake of my life when I came home the first time. It's been getting to me so much that I've been put on anti depressants and tablets for panic attacks and anxiety.

    Is ANYONE in a similar situation or can give me some advice on this?

    :) Just remember that you're not stuck! You don't have to do uni! Uni will always be there so you can go whenever you feel that you're ready. Why not take some time out from studying for a few years? Maybe it's not your thing and you should stay out of study forever.

    My boyfriend went through a similar experience. He started uni, dropped out, started a different course. He realised it wasn't he course that was the problem, but uni. It just wasn't for him. He also has anxiety issues but he's so much happier now just working and chilling.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I need to have a degree to get on in life. If I drop out now apart from a load of debt for nothing I will just get a mundane job whcih will keep me happy for a few years, but then when all my friends who have done their degrees move on, I'll be stuck in the same dead end job. It's a catch 22 situation :banghead:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I need to have a degree to get on in life. If I drop out now apart from a load of debt for nothing I will just get a mundane job whcih will keep me happy for a few years, but then when all my friends who have done their degrees move on, I'll be stuck in the same dead end job. It's a catch 22 situation :banghead:

    :no: Not necessarily. Surely your happiness counts more that debt?
    What is your job? Is it vocational? Are you aiming for something in particular?

    Also, not all jobs without degree qualifications are boring! I work with children and I adore my job!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My dream job is language teacher, which you do need a degree for. you then need to do a very low paid year to gain your teaching status. I wouldn't be doing this til I was 25 and even then your not guaranteed anything at the end of it, which would leave me at 26 with nothing. I was so stupid to drop out first time!!!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My dream job is language teacher, which you do need a degree for. you then need to do a very low paid year to gain your teaching status. I wouldn't be doing this til I was 25 and even then your not guaranteed anything at the end of it, which would leave me at 26 with nothing. I was so stupid to drop out first time!!!!

    Okay, so you're going for your dream job! That's a great thing to be doing! Forget the first time, you're doing this now. Yes, it might be difficult, but dream jobs would be boring if we didn't have to work for them, right?
    Just keep thinking about how great it will feel when you get to where you want to be! :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :) Thanks. I try to keep this at the back of my mind but it is very hard. Thanks for your advice tho
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :) Thanks. I try to keep this at the back of my mind but it is very hard. Thanks for your advice tho

    It's not easy. I'm sure everyone has made a decision in their life that they really regret. But you sound like you've got a good idea of what you want for yourself so I say just keep looking forward! :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    One of my teachers once told me when I was in a state of panic over something that 'adults learn from their mistakes'. It's become something I remind myself of a lot if I feel down about stuff I've done and regretted.

    Sure, you'd possibly be pleased if you had your degree by now, but isn't it possible that you'd still be regretting if you hadn't given things a try with your ex? You've lived by yourself and I'm sure you've done stuff you've enjoyed and learned from. Yes we can regret life experiences but don't you have a clearer vision of where you want to go from here? If you think about it, I'm sure you can find something you've gained from your mistake. Insight, experience, taking advantage of your freedom to choose. Perhaps even just to see what you can benefit from by finishing the degree and how fickle life can be if we don't take care of our own future.

    Perhaps write down on a piece of paper things that you've enjoyed since quitting uni and things you now know and will help you finish it this time around. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thnax. I've pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I will finish my degree come hell or high water, then see what I fancy doing after that as alot can change in two years and I don't want to find myself in this same place again. I hate that people judge me though when I tell them I'm still at uni, I just have to ignore it. I WILL wear that gown and cap!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thnax. I've pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I will finish my degree come hell or high water, then see what I fancy doing after that as alot can change in two years and I don't want to find myself in this same place again. I hate that people judge me though when I tell them I'm still at uni, I just have to ignore it. I WILL wear that gown and cap!

    Fuck people judging you! Who cares when you do? Who cares how old you are? You're hardly ancient! You should be proud of yourself :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You could have graduated two years ago but you've had different life experiences, it happens. Regret is an important experience, it teaches you what you really want to do.

    Don't worry about being a bit older when you graduate, people of all ages come back to Uni to study, even more so with the recession turfing people out of work left, right and centre. University is for anyone of any age, two years really isn't anything. I know it feels like the end of the world but it's not, just try and enjoy your time at Uni for what it is.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah I hear ya. I'm pre-med and I'm 22. I haven't even finished a degree yet. Things don't always go to plan, shit happens, people come and go outta outta our lives, but school really pays off in the end. You made a decision based on your life at the moment. Don't feel guilty about that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wish I was in your position ;) I'm nearly 24 now and still have 3 more years... if I'm lucky... and not to be a doctor or anything fancy with fancy long degrees :p a decade to finish a simple bachelors degree it will be... perhaps more!

    But I take night classes and most the other students are older adults going back to school.

    Everybody takes their own path in life. Sometimes school isn't right for you at that moment, sometimes life gets in the way. There is NO reason to ever feel bad about being in school later than your friends or being older than you wished.

    My boyfriend was the same, though he is IT and was lucky enough to have a very nice paying IT job while going to school... he finally graduated in his late 20's as well.

    You seem like you know you want and need this degree. Just let that keep you going.

    Going to my boring job with shitty pay every day gives me the boost I need to stick it out... no matter how many times I say I'm done and not going to another class :p
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