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Not sure what to do... long!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi there, I'm new here and need advice if possible, will try to be brief but it is quite long!

I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months, I knew him through friends before that. I was moving into a new flat a couple of months ago and we decided that he would move in with me as things were going so well and figured we had nothing to lose if it went wrong, he could just leave. Things were fine but money has been really tight which has caused a few problems. We've had a few major rows and then calmed down and talked things through but today we had a major arguement on the way to work.
It started over something silly which was him saying that I don't do much around the house. He says it to wind me up and I know that but this time I bit. I clean our house religiously at the weekends and he just lazes around doing nothing. So an argument started, but then it escalated and he said some really hurtful things. He did this the last time, saying things like "I hope you die" and then after he says he doesn't mean it but I make him so angry.
Anyway, I went to work, then I got a text from him saying he'd gone home and he doesn't want to split up but he's not going to be bullied by me anymore. He says I bully him because I try to control him! By this he means that he doesn't go out much anymore (has no money) and I ask him to help with things around the house.
He smokes weed sometimes and his usage has gone up recently. I wonder if his unreasonable behaviour is to do with this. But the problem is that he doesn't see that he's unreasonable at all. I don't feel I should back down so what shoud I do?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lisa2009 wrote: »
    Hi there, I'm new here and need advice if possible, will try to be brief but it is quite long!

    I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months, I knew him through friends before that. I was moving into a new flat a couple of months ago and we decided that he would move in with me as things were going so well and figured we had nothing to lose if it went wrong, he could just leave. Things were fine but money has been really tight which has caused a few problems. We've had a few major rows and then calmed down and talked things through but today we had a major arguement on the way to work.
    It started over something silly which was him saying that I don't do much around the house. He says it to wind me up and I know that but this time I bit. I clean our house religiously at the weekends and he just lazes around doing nothing. So an argument started, but then it escalated and he said some really hurtful things. He did this the last time, saying things like "I hope you die" and then after he says he doesn't mean it but I make him so angry.
    Anyway, I went to work, then I got a text from him saying he'd gone home and he doesn't want to split up but he's not going to be bullied by me anymore. He says I bully him because I try to control him! By this he means that he doesn't go out much anymore (has no money) and I ask him to help with things around the house.
    He smokes weed sometimes and his usage has gone up recently. I wonder if his unreasonable behaviour is to do with this. But the problem is that he doesn't see that he's unreasonable at all. I don't feel I should back down so what shoud I do?

    Is he 12? I'm pretty sure only 12 year olds say things like 'I hope you die.'

    First off, he can't complain about having no money cause he spends it on weed. It's his own fault. If his usage has gone up the chances are he's feeling lethargic and so that's why he doesn't do the tidying up.

    7 months is very early to be moving in with each other and at least he's said that he doesn't want to split up. I think it's a very wise idea that you both keep to your own flats for the meantime :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there lisa, sounds like my problem with my sister (see suicidal) people suffering with depression acts like that its worth trying to get him to see a doctor maybe, i know i said it maybe attention seeking from my sister, this is because she went to the doctors and because it is now named she is taking full advantage of it and not seeking help.

    But if ur older ur going to take it into ur own hands and realise u need help
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