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Falling back into oblivion
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello everyone, I'm new to this forum, and I realise jumping straight in with where my mind is at might be a little strange, but I'm struggling a lot at the moment, and I guess I just need a little help.
I started self harming when I was fourteen, I harmed for a few years and managed to get myself out of it, unfortunately when I was 20 I started again. Once again, I managed to stop, this time after suicide attempts and eventually some great help from my doctor and a councellor. I have been self harm free for 19 months now, but just recently I'm struggling to cope again and I'm feeling the need more and more to harm. I know what happened last time and I'm petrified of going there again. I've got an 11 week old baby now, my child needs a stable mother, not one who needs to harm to cope. I feel like such a failure for even feeling this way again. I thought this was in my past now, how wrong can I be =(
Like the title says I just feel like I'm falling back into that oblivion and I'm scared whats going to happen. I am trying my best not to harm, I've told my mother last night how I was feeling, as a way of trying to stop myself before I get too far gone. That way if I need to harm I can talk to her, but I'm worried it wont be enough.
I guess theres not really a lot that can be said to help, I think I just needed to get this out. =( I'm sorry.
I started self harming when I was fourteen, I harmed for a few years and managed to get myself out of it, unfortunately when I was 20 I started again. Once again, I managed to stop, this time after suicide attempts and eventually some great help from my doctor and a councellor. I have been self harm free for 19 months now, but just recently I'm struggling to cope again and I'm feeling the need more and more to harm. I know what happened last time and I'm petrified of going there again. I've got an 11 week old baby now, my child needs a stable mother, not one who needs to harm to cope. I feel like such a failure for even feeling this way again. I thought this was in my past now, how wrong can I be =(
Like the title says I just feel like I'm falling back into that oblivion and I'm scared whats going to happen. I am trying my best not to harm, I've told my mother last night how I was feeling, as a way of trying to stop myself before I get too far gone. That way if I need to harm I can talk to her, but I'm worried it wont be enough.
I guess theres not really a lot that can be said to help, I think I just needed to get this out. =( I'm sorry.
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Comments
I?m sorry to hear that you are struggling at the moment, but on a positive note, it is great that you?ve acknowledged how you are feeling and want to do something about it.
Something that might be useful to keep in mind ? you?ve beaten this before and therefore there is absolutely no reason why you can?t do it again. I think you?ve done incredibly, and no matter what happens you should be proud of yourself for coming so far. You?re definitely not a failure, and just because you struggle at times it doesn?t make you a bad mother, or unstable.
You said before that you got great help from your doctor and a counsellor, do you think you could go back and see him / her? For the moment, can you remember what helped you through the bad times before? Did you have any distractions you used when things got tough? There?s a list here of things you could try here, http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/selfharm/copingtipsanddistractions
It?s good that you feel you can talk to your mother, and remember if there is anyone else that you think it would be helpful to chat to, you could always try them too for that bit of extra support.
Looking after a baby is so hard, so please when you get the chance, take a moment to look after yourself. Do something nice for you!
All the best with things, take care
EDIT: Sorry I've just seen that your current doctor has left the practice. It can be hard getting used to a new doctor, so perhaps if you didn't feel comfortable speaking to them, you could write down all the things you want to say? Check out this link http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/selfharm/visitingyourdoctor.
Great advice purplestarfish :thumb:
Hey LostInTime welcome to thesite,
The only thing I would add is to try contacting your health visitor, they should be able to give you some advice or put you in touch with someone.
Keep talking,
dp
I became a holistic therapist after I managed to get my self harming under control last time, doing something positive for people helped me to stop feeling so negative about myself, the time out from that has been quite key in the way I'm feeling I think, with the pregnancy and the birth and the baby still being so young. Sorry if I'm boring you, just finding it helpful to type it out. Just need to get my positive head back on.
To be honest I'm really scared they'll think I'm a bad mum, I really don't want them to judge me. =(
Keep the posts coming you're not boring anyone
I know its easy to say but please don't worry about anyone thinking you're a bad mum. If anything its quite the opposite, its clear you want the best for your baby as you're trying to work everything out.
Happy Mum = Happy Baby
Having a baby is really tough in lots of ways, I know you're talking to your mum but have you thought about speaking with other mums? There are some great networking sites for parents and you may be suprised at how many others are going through similar things.
dp
Nobody expects you to be Superwoman!
Some of the health visitors judge you for something as little as giving your baby a dummy, heaven knows what their reaction would be if they knew how I was feeling. Thank you for supporting me, it means a lot.
Let us know how you're getting on.
dp