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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Its n ot good. Hope times get better for you. Don't really know what to say becauser I am going through a bit of a herd patch to. :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ally** wrote: »
    I have been feeling really bad the last few days and my mum said its side-affects from the AD's, I haven't eaten or slept for about two days, i keep having sucide thoughts and i have started self-haing again :( i just stay in my room and cry all day.

    when do you next have an appointment? you need to tell them what is happening, it could well be side effects but you can't be sure. you need to try to develop ways of coping with the feelings you have when they are very strong, your counsellor will help you with that. do you have anything that you really enjoy doing or tv shows you like or anything like that? sometimes something really simple can help, when i was younger and used to be up all night with my depression i would watch a really good film or read a girlie book, because even though the relief is only very temporary it places you in a different world for a while, it takes the focus off you. one of my friends is trying to recover from bulimia at the moment and when she feels like she can't hold on any longer from making herself ill, she takes her book or magazine or whatever and sits in the kitchen with her mum, so that she's away from the bathroom and isn't alone. could you try something like that? when i'm feeling bad sometimes i go downstairs and watch tv for a bit with my mum or dad or sister, and by the time i'm ready to go back to my room the feelings have eased.

    maybe none of that is helpful, i don't know. but hopefully you can see what i mean. please try to take care x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My next appointment is on thursday. I have loads of things i am intrested in and i try to do one of them when i am feeling bad and it helps a bit but i lose intresst easily.

    I might do what you said and go and sit with my family when i am feeling bad, or i might go for a walk to think things over.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My Life Is Getting Worse

    Everything in my life is slowley getting worse or getting fucked up.

    My depression is getting worse, I have started self-harming again (after stopping for about two weeks) and nearly ended up in hospital. I haven't eaten in five day and i haven't had a proper night sleep in weeks. I'm hearing a voice talking to me all the time now and i think i'm going mad. I nearly killed my self the other day but my mum came in my room 2 minutes to early and stopped me :( I have been sent to my dads for the week because my mum dosen't no what to do with me and he is even worse, pestering me to eat every 10mins (they don't understand i'm not hungry)

    My family have wraped me up in cotton-wool, i am not allowed to go anywere on my own ands if i go out with my friends my mum has told them to keep waching me. I'm 15 and i don't need a babysiter, and i need some privacy.

    Sometimes i feel like there is no reason for me to be here and i just want to no why i have been given this shitty life cause i really don't no what i have done to deserve this :crying:

    Sorry for rampeling on

    Ally x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have you any life goals that you can ponder upon?

    If you don't please find some, it will help.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah i have life goals, but right now i feel like i am not going to complete any of them, the way am feeling i don't think i am going to have a life for much longer :(.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Even though it might not feel like it at the moment, it is really positive that you are able to write down your feelings on here. I'm not going to repeat what others have said, but I do think it is very good advice.

    You said you were staying with your dad - are you still there?

    One of the hardest things when you're self harming or know a self harmer is opening up about your feelings to those who are around you; and, as a pillar of support, (as friends and family often are), it is difficult to know how to support the person you care for. I've been in both positions and can relate to 'the wrapping up in cotton wool' that you describe your parents and friends doing as I wanted to do that for my friend who self harmed (and this was while I was still self harming myself) I couldn't understand and that scared and frustrated me and so the only thing I could think of doing was trying to put a stop to it straight away, even while I was aware that people doing that to me when I had opened up about self harming had frustrated me.

    You mentioned that you don't have very good communication with your mum, is it any better with your dad? Or do you have any siblings you can talk to who would be able to relay your feelings to your parents.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ally** wrote: »
    My family have wraped me up in cotton-wool, i am not allowed to go anywere on my own ands if i go out with my friends my mum has told them to keep waching me. I'm 15 and i don't need a babysiter, and i need some privacy.

    it's because they are desperately worried about you, they can't just leave you alone like you want because how would they live with themselves if you did something stupid while they were giving you your 'privacy'? you have to see that for a family watching someone they love hurting all they can think of is how they can possibly help or at least how they can make sure you are safe. i know how frustrating it can be when you just want to be alone, but my family still have me wrapped in cotton wool years after i first got ill, and as annoying as it can be i am so grateful, because at the end of the day it's what has kept me alive.

    there is a purpose to life honey, for a lot of us we don't know what it is yet and that's what makes the fighting so hard, but it will be worth it in the end, i know it. there's got to be a reason why we all keep going.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey, just keeping you all posted on how things are going.

    Last week i overdosed, to try and kill my self and ended up in hospital for two days, I had an cousilers meeting everyday last week and on on monday, I also had a meeting in school to try and sort things out. I don't have to start school till 9:45 and have dropped music to have time out every week.

    I am not allowed to be on my own and have had several appoinments to decide weather i have to be addmited in to a special hospital for a few weeks.

    All the talk of my parents devorce is getting brought up again and i am feeling really guilty, and don't understand why it happened.

    :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im a bit late chipping in here but im offering my support

    I haven't cut myself for 10 months, I used to do it nearly every day. I still have marks on my arms from two years ago. I didn't exactly go to a councillor, I went to my doctor and told him some stuff. But I hadn't been ready to give up then. Cutting was such a relief for me, it took away all the crap in my head. But it's not good. Seeing a professional is the best thing I guees. I stopped on my own because a little something snapped in my head. I thought why am i doing this to myself? I stopped and no its not easy, I still think about doing a lot. And I came very close to doing it today but I stopped myself.

    feel free to pm if you want to chat and I can even give you my email if you want. Talking to someone else who has done it may help.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi hun aww god are you ok?glad you've posted we here are all here for you i just want to come and give you big hug how are you today you do what feels right for you x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for all the suport its really helped knowing i can speak to you.

    It's back to school tomorrow but i really don't feel like i'm ready to go back, but my mum said i have to go. In the meeting at school i felt like the teachers didn't understand that i am clinicly depressed and they just kept going on about my education.

    Also at my cousiler meeting my cousiler brought up my parents divorce again and all the thourghts i had about that came rushing back to me, i just sat there and cried for about half an hour. This is really upsetting me but my parents won't tell me why it all happened. So i just have to listen to these thourghts even though deep down inside i'no somewere there not true :(
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