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Dumped after 7 years together

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
just needed to get this out, need somewhere to vent. would appreciate anyone's take or opinions on it, ta.

my boyfriend and me have split up after 7 years together. it was totally his doing. we've been split up for almost 2 weeks now, and we were on a break for a week before that. basically, the reason he dumped me was because he wants time to himself. that was about it basically.

i honestly feel like someone has died. its so awful, i dont even have words to say how bad im feeling. he was my whole world, i thought i was his. not two weeks before we broke up, i was talking about jacking in teaching (because im only doing bits of supply now and there are no permanent jobs) so i could get a proper job and we could move in together. we talked a lot about marriage and babies. its all so out of the blue.

anyway what im thinking is this: he moved out of his mum's and into a house with 2 of his pals about 2 months ago. about 6 months ago, he got his hair cut from long, past his shoulders into a spiky punk mohawk style. over the past 3-4 months hes been changing his style from baggy jeans and band tshirts into skinny jeans, leather jackets etc. and since he moved out he'd been going out with his housemates to rock pubs and stuff and getting all this new-found attention off girls. so, independence, his new look, attention from girls, he's probably thought, oooo, the grass is greener.

but apparently he'd been unhappy for about 2 months prior to our break-up. he said i didnt make enough effort with my clothes. wtf?! i get dressed up when i go out but im hardly gonna wear a dress, waist belt and heels going round asda am i?! yeah i only really wear jeans but i make an effort with my hair and accessories and stuff.

i think he's thought, ok, ill wait til im settled into my house with her help (we built all his furniture together, my family bought him towels and bed linen, a laundry hamper etc, i had to show him how to put on a load of washing ffs) and her dad has written me a reference for my police application then i can off-load her. he hasnt said any of this, but this is what has basically happened.

oh and while we were on a break and i was sitting at home sobbing my heart out, he went on a date, yes a fucking DATE, with a girl he met in a rock pub. oh and by the by, shes a dominatrix. for reals. like, she shits on people's chests for £200 a time. how lovely. he swears blind nothing happened on the date. hes still seeing her but just as friends. whatever. just another way to twist the knife.

oh and did i mention he dumped me over the phone?? the phone. after 7 years together. so its all just totally fucked up. ive been with him since i was 16, i have no clue as to what my life is like without him. my life is basically down the pan and i have no idea where to go from here. i swing between being so unbelievably angry with him - for waiting 2 months when he knew he was unhappy and saying nothing, for doing it over the phone, for seeing the other girl - and wanting to just curl up in a ball and die.

my friends have been utterly amazing, without them i wouldnt have made it. but yeah. just wanted to get that out. thanks for reading :)

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    god I'm so sorry.. at least he didn't take up the best years of your life, you're still in your prime, got a lot of damage to do to this world still <3
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    whoa, that sucks. Sorry to hear that.

    not really any advice here, don't think you need any anyhow.

    good luck.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm So Sorry, I Got Dummped By Text Once Because He Was Moving House wtf. That Was The Worse Feeling Ever. Think Of It Like This He Dummped You By Phone Cause He Didn't Have The Guts To Your Face Cause Deep Down He Knew It Was The Wrong Think To Do.
    You Need To Get Someone Else And Rub It In His Face Show Him That You Don't Care.

    Good Luck xx:)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    U go out wear your best skimpist outfit +you go show him what he lost he the stupid one to loose girl like you x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Really sorry to hear about your break up! Chances are at the moment your emotions are going to be all over the place, from really angry, really sad, really scared and insecure, and sometimes you might feel on a sudden high and then a low again a little while later. Break ups are messy whatever the circumstances and it is hard to know how to feel, one of the worst things is the fact you often have so little control over the situation.

    It does sound like he has gone through a lot of changes in the past few months and as you say, that is probably the main reason for him ending things. Dumping someone after seven years because they don't make enough effort with the way they dress is a bollocks excuse and I think he would be hard pressed to find any girl who is dressed up to the nines every day of the week - maybe he thinks he has found a few but the delusion would soon wear off! That obviously isn't really anything to do with the reason you broke up and I wouldn't take what he has said too seriously if I were you.

    I am sorry to say it does pretty much sound like he has moved on and isn't giving much consideration to your feelings. I had a long term partner do the same to me once, give crap reasons for ending it, then within 2 weeks sleeping with another girl (that I had been friends with!) and completely disregarding me. It is hard but in a way maybe take comfort in the fact that you did everything you could, you obviously weren't a bad partner but he has moved on in his life and maybe you'll have to find ways to move on in yours. Don't dispair, it is hard but with a great circle of friends around you things will get better!

    Oh and I wouldn't be terribly shocked if he comes crawling back at some point in the future either, wanting things to go back to the way you were. You have to make your own mind up about that if that happens, but just remember your happiness is the most important thing ultimately.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He dumped you by phone after 7 years???!?!? What a cowardly fuck.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've not got much to say but *hugs*

    Thats terrible, and I agree what a coward to do that to you over the phone!

    Just take things day by day and you will soon realise that you don't need him as much as you thought. It will take a while but it will get easier :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im so sorry this has happened to you.
    Its the worst feeling in the world - truly a bereavement - imo of the worst sort.

    You will be happy again. Believe me, you wont feel like it now, but you will be. Hes done this in the most cowardly worst way he could. No wonder you are reeling.

    Lots of hugs to you, and im really pleased youve got great friends around you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know you must feel awful now but seriously just from reading that you can do better. What the hell is he on about not making an effort? I dont want to sound creepy but I've seen your pictures before and you're bloody GORGEOUS. Imo he was lucky to have you. I really hope you feel better soon and use and abuse your friends for hugs :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Whowhere wrote: »
    He dumped you by phone after 7 years???!?!? What a cowardly fuck.

    Fully agree with this. After 7 years he hasn't got enough chops or respect to do it face to face. And fully agree with the above, he doesn't deserve you. Leave to his mr whippy "friend" who sounds skanky enough to deserve him. :yuck:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Carolina wrote: »
    Leave to his mr whippy "friend" who sounds skanky enough to deserve him. :yuck:

    teehee! this did make me giggle. thanks to everyone who replied, i know theres not much can be done but its nice to have folk respond and stuff :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i honestly feel like someone has died. its so awful, i dont even have words to say how bad im feeling. he was my whole world, i thought i was his. not two weeks before we broke up, i was talking about jacking in teaching (because im only doing bits of supply now and there are no permanent jobs) so i could get a proper job and we could move in together. we talked a lot about marriage and babies. its all so out of the blue.

    I know it doesn't help much right now but I think that para would be recognised by a great many people; it does feel like a kind of death, and that means there will be a period of mourning - but you will get over it, you will feel better, and life will go on.

    Take care,

    MB
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    baby!!!
    its steph!! (from LJ i was violette!!)
    im in shock!!!
    like ever since ive known you (and obviously before that) you've been with him and always written about him and talked about him and it was plain to see that he was absolutely everything to you. what an absolutely inconsiderate arsehole!
    sweetheart i feel so awful for you <3333333333333
    i cant imagine how you're feeling at all baby like i know if it was me in the same situation i would feel exactly the same. and inconsolable. just i think, let it all out.
    let yourself rant and scream and moan and cry rivers and just go for it.
    yknow? don't like hold it in and be ms mature and 'hey sistas doin it for themselves' bullshit. obviously at some point you will be like that but give yourself, as people have said, the grieving period.
    and sweetiepie, if you do get back with him, and i wouldnt even judge you for that despite what an arse he sounds like he's acting, as you've been with him 7 years and you know him better than anyone on the earth and to be honest, you cannot just stop loving someone, please please PLEASE be ready. because if it happens a second time it'll kill you all over again.
    be strong, cry and let yourself feel how hurt you are and how things will never be the same again... chances are, they won't be. but you'll different, and you'll be stronger and you'll be soooo amazing for someone who honestly deserves it.
    and whats the bullshit about not making an effort?! naaar mate, you're fit as fuck and i mean that - you're beautiful lorna.
    sweetheart massive kisses and love xxxxxxxxx<3333
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Not everyone is the same, but I have to say that most people don't forget about seven years of there life. He thinks that there is something better out there (e.g., having fun, meeting new girls who find him attractive). I don't want to give you any definite answers, but in most cases I see like this, they come back. When and if he does, it will be your decision if you would like to take him back or not.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    paperdoll wrote: »
    teehee! this did make me giggle. thanks to everyone who replied, i know theres not much can be done but its nice to have folk respond and stuff :)

    I aim to please. Laughter always makes things easier esp. when directed at the arsehole party :thumb:
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