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Help please?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey, I thought the long version of my story was... long, so I created a condensed one as well.
Short: loving, wonderful girlfriend of nine months is Christian, wants me to have a closer relationship with God. I think of things more in terms of morals, I don’t believe in religions, but I do believe in God. She loves me. She believes if I don’t worship Jesus Christ I will go to hell, so she will break up with me to spare herself the grief of not seeing me in heaven. I do worship Jesus, just not in the same way.
End short
Long: My girlfriend is one of the greatest people I know, she is so wonderful I would bore you all to death talking about how great she is. She believes in Christ. We met and basically fell in love at first site.
There have been very few problems between me and her directly, but her mother has been a complete pain in the ass. She harasses me anytime she gets a chance, toys with me, refers to me as her "mouse" and that she can't play too much or ill die. Thankfully she finally realized how much of a hell she was putting me in and has turned over a new leaf.
Her father on the other hand is a passive aggressive type. He does not make any attempt to get to know me at all. He is the type of man that wants his wife home when he gets home from work just to be there because that is her place. He does basically the same thing to my girlfriend. I can’t tell for sure, but from the amount of beer they buy I’m pretty damn sure he is a drunk. At first he would tease my girlfriend about me, but lately the sole mention of my name puts him in a bad mood. He is extremely restricting and is the type of guy that would kill me if I and my girlfriend did something he did not like (I.E. heavy petting, sex, etc...).
Me and her moved very slowly at first and did not kiss for almost a month if I remember right. We gradually got to petting, and not too long ago I got under her shirt. About 2 weeks after that her mother asked how far we had gone and could tell her daughter was lying. That got her angry and even less time with my girl. Thank God she did not tell her husband...
So there have only been 2 problems between me and my girl:
1. Sex. She wants to wait till marriage; I think its fine to do when both parties are both mentally and physically ready.
2. Religion. She is Christian and I’m spiritual with some Christian beliefs.
The first I caved in and said it was fine, which I am. If she is not ready then that is okay.
The second did not seem to be such a big issue until today. She had said previously that I needed to get to be closer to God, which I have been (I pray more, talk to him more, etc...). But now she is afraid she will not see me in the afterlife. Her beliefs dictate that in order to go to heaven you must accept Jesus Christ as your savior, which in her eyes I have not.
Now let me get my views straight. I was raised by parents that don’t like religion either; religious conflicts create the biggest, longest, bloodiest wars known to man, but our basis of belief is that Jesus dies for our sins. So my girl says I do not worship the same god, and therefore will go to hell, yet she does not understand that I do worship the same god.
End long
Extra info: She does not want to be like her mother and go to church alone and worship alone. I’m willing to go, but the church she goes to bugs me. The pastor is a very judgmental person. I don’t like the fact that you get the pastors interpretation of the bible.
I also have problems with the bible... it's been translated, and has gone through 2000 years. I can’t believe that is has retained every meaning exactly. I take some things from it though, the morals of the stories, but I do not take it at face value. Words are left to interpretation.
Advice? I would go there just for her, but I’m pretty sure she will see through me if I "fake" going there.
End extras
Any ideas on how I can show there is no problem? Or can someone explain the difference in our beliefs?
Thanks in advance.
Short: loving, wonderful girlfriend of nine months is Christian, wants me to have a closer relationship with God. I think of things more in terms of morals, I don’t believe in religions, but I do believe in God. She loves me. She believes if I don’t worship Jesus Christ I will go to hell, so she will break up with me to spare herself the grief of not seeing me in heaven. I do worship Jesus, just not in the same way.
End short
Long: My girlfriend is one of the greatest people I know, she is so wonderful I would bore you all to death talking about how great she is. She believes in Christ. We met and basically fell in love at first site.
There have been very few problems between me and her directly, but her mother has been a complete pain in the ass. She harasses me anytime she gets a chance, toys with me, refers to me as her "mouse" and that she can't play too much or ill die. Thankfully she finally realized how much of a hell she was putting me in and has turned over a new leaf.
Her father on the other hand is a passive aggressive type. He does not make any attempt to get to know me at all. He is the type of man that wants his wife home when he gets home from work just to be there because that is her place. He does basically the same thing to my girlfriend. I can’t tell for sure, but from the amount of beer they buy I’m pretty damn sure he is a drunk. At first he would tease my girlfriend about me, but lately the sole mention of my name puts him in a bad mood. He is extremely restricting and is the type of guy that would kill me if I and my girlfriend did something he did not like (I.E. heavy petting, sex, etc...).
Me and her moved very slowly at first and did not kiss for almost a month if I remember right. We gradually got to petting, and not too long ago I got under her shirt. About 2 weeks after that her mother asked how far we had gone and could tell her daughter was lying. That got her angry and even less time with my girl. Thank God she did not tell her husband...
So there have only been 2 problems between me and my girl:
1. Sex. She wants to wait till marriage; I think its fine to do when both parties are both mentally and physically ready.
2. Religion. She is Christian and I’m spiritual with some Christian beliefs.
The first I caved in and said it was fine, which I am. If she is not ready then that is okay.
The second did not seem to be such a big issue until today. She had said previously that I needed to get to be closer to God, which I have been (I pray more, talk to him more, etc...). But now she is afraid she will not see me in the afterlife. Her beliefs dictate that in order to go to heaven you must accept Jesus Christ as your savior, which in her eyes I have not.
Now let me get my views straight. I was raised by parents that don’t like religion either; religious conflicts create the biggest, longest, bloodiest wars known to man, but our basis of belief is that Jesus dies for our sins. So my girl says I do not worship the same god, and therefore will go to hell, yet she does not understand that I do worship the same god.
End long
Extra info: She does not want to be like her mother and go to church alone and worship alone. I’m willing to go, but the church she goes to bugs me. The pastor is a very judgmental person. I don’t like the fact that you get the pastors interpretation of the bible.
I also have problems with the bible... it's been translated, and has gone through 2000 years. I can’t believe that is has retained every meaning exactly. I take some things from it though, the morals of the stories, but I do not take it at face value. Words are left to interpretation.
Advice? I would go there just for her, but I’m pretty sure she will see through me if I "fake" going there.
End extras
Any ideas on how I can show there is no problem? Or can someone explain the difference in our beliefs?
Thanks in advance.
0
Comments
I believe that you two need to sit and talk about your beliefs and non-beliefs and maybe compromise in attending the same church. Well, if I am led to believe that in Christianity that we are not meant to be judgemental so I would then question the pastor of that church. In what way is he being so? How old are you both by the way?
Talking and sharing each others beliefs will be a start and see how things progress. I would not really worry about what the parents are like ...it is your happiness and love that counts. We can all interpret the bible in our own way and by enlarge think most of us do. I also think that she is being very harsh on you with your beliefs to say that you will go to hell and that she will not see you in the afterlife is someway judging you for your beliefs.
First talk about each others beliefs.
The Bible tells us that in Heaven, noone is sad or sheds a tear. Ergo, she won't miss you and won't grieve for you when she gets there.
Like this?
Don't feel like you have to be forced into it, simply show your "love" for god in front of her, try and find a way to show that you do praise the same god.
Just as a note too, you don't have to follow the morals of the bible, ie. No stealing, then class yourself as a follower in a spirtual mind of god, you should follow them anyway
Are you comfortable with what shes asking of you?
If not, Is she worth doing something your not comfortable with?
Admittedly, im not an expert on these matters, but thats the way I see it. If she loves you, im sure she won't mind you not being so 'close' to God.
If she loved you she would accept that you cant feel exactly the same way about everything. You already lean a lot towards her religion and are trying hard but you cant force yourself to believe something that doesnt feel right - ie the organised religion part.
I think youre making concessions but she isnt. Maybe shes learnt manipulation skills from her parents
i don't believe she is manipulating me. and if she is i would doubt it is intentional.
the fact is i need to bring her my opinions i have thought about since she talked to me.
she is 17 and im 18 btw.
i already believe in jesus christ and i already decided that if that is not enough for her then thats tough. if she is going to break it off because our beliefs differ (slightly in relations to others) then she does not love me like i love her. i think her main problem with it is that i wont be coming to church with her, which is just not my thing. i would suggest going to another church, but she does the sound for the service for her church, so i dont think she will go someplace else.
she is just afraid im going to be the terrible husband her dad is for her mom. i need to let her understand im not him, and she is not her mother.
Indeed :thumb:
She knew what she was getting when she met you. If she insists on dating someone who believes exactly the same religious tenants as her then that's her problem and she should have considered that before entering a relationship with someone who didn't!
For what it's worth, I think it's narrow-minded of her to insist you have the same religious beliefs. If they are incompatible, fair enough (if you were a satanist for example lol). My theory, without wanting to belittle her, is that she might be naive to relationships and/or religion in relationships. I mean, when everyone is young they wanna get married and do things 'perfect', but as you get older - and I'm not there yet but even already I'm starting to learn - you learn that its not about idealism but about compromise and finding something that 'fits'.
There is absolutely plenty in the bible, but do you want to play that game with her?
I would recommend you change church. Should maybe checkout Quakers meeting - they're like a very liberal Christian denomination that are open to different views, it might help her to realize that people interpret God, the bible, religion, etc all differently. She has her way, you have your way, as for the right way, the wrong way and the only way - it doesn't exist.
No, he's just a little slow in the head
If I read the bible I could help you, but seeing as I'm not really religious so I can't help you.
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